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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this rude ?

52 replies

ILoveHumanity · 06/12/2018 21:36

I have been helping this girl out so much and not an ounce of gratitude,

Hosted her in my home for free.. she asked me to and I felt bad not to.. stayed with her a full night while I have a baby because she wanted to chat about something important. She knew I wanted to sleep..

I live in a secure building, today I was out and came back home , been so tired from last night. I accidentally left the keys in the door, but the building is super secure.

The girl came back found the keys. Asked me if I left them out and I said

“Oops! Didn’t realise”.

She responded grumpily “just don’t leave the keys out again, it won’t be safe otherwise!”

She is just 19.. But I feel like if I was a guest in someone’s house asking them for favors upon favors I wouldn’t be telling them off like that.

AIBU to resent this and feel unappreciated? Or is this the straw that broke the camels back ?

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveHumanity · 06/12/2018 21:44

I just feel like she finds opportunities to call me out on stuff.

But I tend to feel that way with a lot of people so it might b me being sensitive

OP posts:
Jellybean100 · 06/12/2018 21:46

Well she’s not lying is she, if you leave keys in a front door it’s not secure🙈

Ohyesiam · 06/12/2018 21:49

You need to say when things don’t sit right with you.
Things like
“ l don’t really appreciate that coming my from a guest”
“ I d rather you didn’t speak to me like that”
“That feels a bit rude considering all I’m doing for you”

And it’s ok to say no to things that won’t work for you.
Best of luck with it.

UhUhUhDennis · 06/12/2018 21:49

So you've got a random 19 year old girl now living with you?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/12/2018 21:50

Who is she?

Original poster
ILoveHumanity · 06/12/2018 21:51

But AIBU to expect her to be more humble with her approach ? I acknowledged my mistake and no need for her to point out the obvious and reiterate !

OP posts:
GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 06/12/2018 21:52

Who's the girl? A relative?

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2018 21:53

Who is she? And no you shouldn't expect people to be humble.

Butchyrestingface · 06/12/2018 21:54

Who is she? Why not say? Is she your daughter?

loveiseverything · 06/12/2018 21:54

Who is this girl OP?
I think she's being damn bloody rude and should have more respect for you as a person not just as your guest

Butchyrestingface · 06/12/2018 21:56

She responded grumpily “just don’t leave the keys out again, it won’t be safe otherwise!”

BTW, I think she was unreasonable to say this. Besides sounding like your mum, it's a pointless comment because clearly you didn't leave the keys in the door on purpose.

Just mildly irritating though, not in the Cheeky Fucker from Cheeky Fuckerdom league.

bridgetreilly · 06/12/2018 21:57

If you don't want her there, you need to say so. If you don't want to stay up all night with her, you need to say so. What is very unreasonable is for you to do all those things resentfully and expect humble gratitude and deference in return. It was stupid to leave your keys in the door and it's perfectly reasonable of her to say so.

Original poster
ILoveHumanity · 06/12/2018 22:01

She is not my daughter or a relative.

She is a complete stranger to me, met her two Months ago while she rented with me airbnb, was looking for permanent home, she ran short for money and told me her story so I offered her discount and then helped her out for free and offered her to come back stay with me for free for short while if she needed it (applying for universities and interviews). I told her she didn’t need to worry about paying as I know she is under stress..

Being staying up nights helping her practice and everything’s

I just don’t feel appreciated but feel like I don’t want to let how I feel mess up her future. But I’m slowly becoming a doormat

OP posts:
longwayoff · 06/12/2018 22:02

You have a very odd attitude for someone who Dr professes to love humanity.

Original poster
ILoveHumanity · 06/12/2018 22:04

bridge I’m happy to be told I’m unreasonable.

I guess we can’t “expect” gratitude as such.

I just think if I was in someone’s home for free I would put extra care to make them feel my appreciation and gratitude...

It’s 10 pm and I have a baby and she is speaking loudly on the phone and yesterday was speaking loudly pacing around the house like it’s hers..

It’s probably my damn fault that I don’t say anything. I’m not used to this where you have to state the obvious to people. I just think certain things are common curtesy

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveHumanity · 06/12/2018 22:05

long errrm ok thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveHumanity · 06/12/2018 22:06

Ok I do think the solution is for me to not offer her to stay for free anymore. I don’t want to hurt her feelings though.

I was hoping I could find a way to understand things differently to make it work for us both

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveHumanity · 06/12/2018 22:08

I guess I’m not really up for doing such favors unless I know how to voice my feelings without harbouring resentment.

OP posts:
Troels · 06/12/2018 22:10

She sounds like a bit of a user.
Tell her to be quiet you and the baby are trying to sleep.
Then in the morning, tell her it's time for her to move on. You aren't her Mother/sister you aren't responsible for what she does.

ohtheholidays · 06/12/2018 22:11

I can't believe you've let a complete stranger stay in your home whilst you have a young baby!

You should tell her to leave tomorrow.

bridgetreilly · 06/12/2018 22:12

OP, you definitely need to learn to speak up for yourself. What you think of as common courtesy isn't something that everyone will understand in the same way. Especially someone who's 19 and only just learning how to be an adult. You need to work out the boundaries for how you want to relate to this person and you are the one who will need to establish and maintain them. It's your home and you're in charge. From what you've said, I wouldn't call her rude, but maybe thoughtless and by not saying anything you've let her think that you're happy to be treated this way. And since you aren't, you need to sort that out.

skybluee · 06/12/2018 22:15

Aside from anything else that is a really kind thing to do.

Feefeetrixabelle · 06/12/2018 22:20

Ask her to keep the noise down. Why is she in such dire straits?

Fairenuff · 06/12/2018 22:23

What do your family and friends think of you letting a stranger into your home?

krustykittens · 06/12/2018 22:27

You have done more than most people, OP, and it is time for her to move on. She is forgetting you are doing her a massive favour. She needs to leave, now!

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