Tell me about your annoying colleagues

[MaMaMaMySharona]

I work in a very small team and the woman who sits opposite me drives me completely insane! It’s going to sound very minor, but she interrupts me constantly to talk about her boyfriend. I’ve had to start putting my earphones in and pretending I’m listening to music and can’t hear her because she makes it so hard for me to concentrate on work, but as soon as I take them out she wheels her chair over to my desk to tell me something else inane about him

I don’t know how much more I can hear about what tv show they watched last night, what she cooked him for dinner, what she’s bought him for Christmas, how to interpret every last thing he says to her...it just never ends!

AIBU to ask you to make me feel better by telling me about your annoying colleagues??

@hulahoop...me too... like a horse 😭

@hooplahoop... not hula hoop!

We have space for 16 people in our open plan office, currently we have 12 on a busy day and 6 on others so it is bliss. Some of the guys are our technical geeks so they are quiet and keep themselves to themselves.

Those of us who like to start early come in before 8 grab a coffee and start work (this is when I am most productive) and whilst I might have a quick conversation with my junior in general we just get on with the work. The techs will have their headphones in. Then our colleagues start to arrive, the first one in doesn't like quiet and so turns the radio on, I don't think he understands that we prefer silence or our own music, I have raised the issue with senior management but it is a legacy arrangement from an era where the team was much different and the senior person on the team wants it to stay.

Anyway so now I am annoyed because my concentration is broken, if I put my headphones in I can't hear the phone (have to answer in 2 rings) and anyway to block the noise I have to have my music loud which gives me a headache.

Now its time for the late ones to roll in, discussing what they did last night, moaning about the temperature, opening doors and windows or putting on scarves and fetching hot water bottles. I kid you not whilst we do have issues with cold mornings and hot summers, the temperature in the office when they arrive is usually a constant 20c

Then Mr Late arrives, always last in and often first out, complains that he is behind, changes the radio to some awful techno pop then sits down and puts his headphones on.

Lunchtime arrives and despite having a nice welcoming kitchen to take your break in, Mr Late likes to be seen as the martyr and just heats up his incredibly smelly dinner then slurps on it in the office. I now time my break to his just so I can avoid the worst.

Slow cooker man and LightlyPoached bonkers civil service colleagues are the best. I love the guy with the constant boner

How do these people get jobs?!

Colleague in my team who will send an email then walk across the office to tell me exactly word for word what wrote in that email. If she's not in the office at the time of sending an email, she'll call instead to tell me what is says.

I’ve got one who is a massive over explainer. She speaks endless amounts of ridiculous business speak without actually saying anything useful. Her emails are the same.

I have one who talks to whoever she is sitting next to in meetings. She is oblivious to people glaring at her until the chair or whoever asks her to stop the she does a giggly ‘oh what am I like’.

Finally we have martyr woman. However bad your day/meeting/journey to work was, hers was worse.

I am currently working with a smelly-food-eating slacker, who likes to make out she knows everything, but generally knows a lot less than she implies AND won't listen to instructions. She also has a really irritating nervous giggle. I guess I should just be grateful she doesn't put wet swimming cosines on my chair.

How do these people get jobs?!

Presumably they don’t announce at the interview that they snort all day long or keep a sandwich toaster in their pants?

One eats so loudly it makes me feel sick.
Licks the yoghurt lid.
Chews the yoghurt.
Scrapes every last drop of yoghurt out of the pot.

Scrapes every last drop of yoghurt out of the pot.

Sat opposite someone for a couple of years who did that, complete with lots of yum yum noises and so forth. Then chomping on apples...

Someone put a note in the suggestion box that all staff should take a proper break at lunch hour and eat in the kitchen area. Bless them, at least it stopped that.

The one who talks to himself, has impulse control issues and eavesdrops on everyone’s conversations.

The one who bathes in cheap body spray and ‘refreshes’ it several times a day.

I'd say ''oh, please, tell me MORE about your boyfriend!''. Might stop her in her tracks.

Those who wait until they're in line with my desk before coughing their lungs up. I fucking hate it. So rude. Save it for another 10 steps when you exit the office.
Yes, i do roll my eyes a lot.
Another guy....I've worked here for 9 months and I've never seen him but every day he coughs so loudly I'm suprised he's not coughed up whatever it is yet. A G.P trip is in order.
Colleague who bitches about now sacked colleague for wearing earbuds.......but does the same thing so she can concentrate. They used to sit next to each other.
Smelly tuna muncher in the very hot, small lift. Enough said.

The highest paid person who eats all the cakes and chocolates and never brings any. And I mean ALL.
The manager who turns 90% of conversation (loud, nasal voice) around to her holidays and/or adult children and/or her gym regime. Over and over again, every day, opposite my office. I can guarantee I am going to hear about her 'bargain' £3600 flights for her holiday next June which is going to be £10,000 in total, at least once a week before it happens. I keep wanting to say to her that is more than I have spent on all holidays with my DC or partner in the last 5 years, and some people where we work are really struggling, but she knows this really, she just can't help herself!

CupsAndPentacles I wish I had the balls to do this. Usually we'll be happily chatting, and then she'll inevitably start the 'oh me and bf...' conversation and I just switch off. I'd have thought she'd have noticed by now, but no.

It has happened 4 times so far this morning, I'm keeping tally.

A woman I worked with had a ‘verbal tick’. No word of a lie she would start every single sentence with the phrase ‘in real terms, basically, the thing is...’. We were in telephone advice so you can imagine this was repeated many, many, many times over on the daily. It was so strange. It was really sensitive advice we gave as well so it also seemed quite inappropriate. Drove everyone nuts. She was oblivious to it.

The colleague who used to sing the chorus to My Sharona several times a day, complete with a loud WOOOH at the end. I wanted to kill him.

We both just went for the same job in another department. I got it. She has now gone on the sick for the second time in 3 months, she just got back from a 5 week sick stint. Now I have to help cover her work as well as my own

@screamqueenz

The ones that think you have to be best friends with colleagues or sworn enemies.
The ones who don't appear to have matured past 13.
The ones who create cliques and leave others feeling felt out and insecure

THIS!
I'm in the emergency services and I'm actually on work related stress leave at the moment because of a colleague who has done exactly this for over a year and the management just. Won't. Take. Control.
She refers to herself as an 'alpha' and is a terrifying force. It's got so bad I'm trying to move teams.
So, yeah, I hear ya.

*one sneezes louder than is reasonable and ends with a foot stamp that makes my desk shake. They're 20 feet away from me!

Another sings all the time while wandering around. All day*

Do we work together?!

Girl in my office burps very loudly and frequently

Very small team, one woman thinks she is our manager (she's not, I report directly to the Director. Who happens to be my husband....).
I've come back from the loo before and found piles of paperwork on my desk "for filing". She has walked past the filing cabinet to put them on my desk.
Little things like that. Will moan about how busy she is and won't take on any additional jobs, no matter how small. Never pics up the phone, never answers the door for deliveries because it's not her job. Newsflash, it's in none of our job descriptions - but phones need to be answered. She's a right royal pain in the arse.
And she slurps tea. Eugh.

I luckily have my own office now, but I'm next to 2 people that seem to spend all day competitive parenting, including what and how many time their kids shit during the day. I close my door