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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tell me about your annoying colleagues

126 replies

MaMaMaMySharona · 06/12/2018 21:20

I work in a very small team and the woman who sits opposite me drives me completely insane! It’s going to sound very minor, but she interrupts me constantly to talk about her boyfriend. I’ve had to start putting my earphones in and pretending I’m listening to music and can’t hear her because she makes it so hard for me to concentrate on work, but as soon as I take them out she wheels her chair over to my desk to tell me something else inane about him

I don’t know how much more I can hear about what tv show they watched last night, what she cooked him for dinner, what she’s bought him for Christmas, how to interpret every last thing he says to her...it just never ends!

AIBU to ask you to make me feel better by telling me about your annoying colleagues??

OP posts:

NoShitHemlock · 06/12/2018 22:28

Bloke who sits opposite me starts every conversation off with "Welllllllllll" - drives me potty! And responds to each question with "Welllllll it is and it isn't" - so which one bloody is it?

The woman who sits a few desks back (BIG open plan office) and literally laughs like a hyena sucking helium.

The 6ft 8" bloke who works at the other end of the office and doesn't walk to our end - he shuffles like Kevin the Teenager - I wonder how many pairs of shoes he goes through each month.

The bloke who sits in the middle of the room and (I swear this is true) had a mini slow cooker UNDER HIS DESK. He brings in a tupperware box of raw stuff (always, always onions included) and puts his cooker on in the morning.

Arseholes - I am truly surrounded by them

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/12/2018 22:31

Worked in an office with a man who ate apples once

Why is that so dreadful?

Moneypenny007 · 06/12/2018 22:32

He farts, grunts when challenged, burps without excusing himself. Barges into private conversations and meetings. Picks his nose and scratches his manhood in front of me....
I'm the only female in the office.... he also refuses to buy a carton of milk yet uses the one in the fridge bought by others. Won't take out the rubbish. Refuses to be a team player yet we carry the slack for him. Can't understand when the other lads won't help him out.
Hasn't a clue about his job, but he basically ticks a box contractually for us so boss won't get rid of him.
And he gets more money than I do.... which annoys me no end considering the ass covering I do because I care about the job/ team. He also takes personal calls in the very small canteen and shouts over everyone. Does that annoying video watching thing too with volume up full whack.
Did I mention the scratching???

lightlypoached · 06/12/2018 22:33

30 years ago, civil service on my bank of desks:
Opposite me, Jonny: worst acne ever (looked like they were about to do a puss-y explosion at any second so we avoided getting too close) He also wore a nylon shirt and stank of BO. we complained so HR (personnel as it was called then) sent him home to was. He complied and (apparently) had a quick flannel over but came back in the same nylon shirt . he was a lazy bastard too.
Next to me, Dawn. Spent most of the day regaling us all with tales of her coil and how it made her periods really bad. She was known as Zeberdee.
diagonally opposite Zebedee was Dick. yes he really was called Dick. He was a highly sexed young man who had a permanent erection, which was compounded by his constant wearing of silk boxer shorts (which were much in Vogue at the time). he used to ask me to go to the tea trolley for him as he couldn't get up because of his boner
Behind me sat Alison, the much downtrodden admin assistant who, at the tender age of 19, had a dodgy boyfriend who covered her in love bites, so she looked permanently beaten up. She had the worst personal hygiene to the extent that you could tell what time of the month it was .
and finally (my favourite) was 'Sparky' - a friend of Zebedee who used to pop in. He was funny. when I asked why he was called 'Sparky' I was told it was because he looked like the kind of man who would wear nylon underpants. To be fair, he did.
I was so normal I felt like a freak

Moneypenny007 · 06/12/2018 22:33

He also chews with his mouth open... same lunch everyday.... 2 sandwiches, 2 yogurts and 2 apples....

4yearsnosleep · 06/12/2018 22:33

@NoShitHemlock The bloke who sits in the middle of the room and (I swear this is true) had a mini slow cooker UNDER HIS DESK. He brings in a tupperware box of raw stuff (always, always onions included) and puts his cooker on in the morning.**

This is my favourite

Oopsusernamealreadytaken · 06/12/2018 22:35

The ones who act WAY above their pay grade by belittling people and micromanaging even though they are level pegging.

The ones who talk about work all lunch break in the lunch room.

The ones who fuck the boss to get promoted.

The ones who are completely inept but seem to have this gift of making people believe they know what they are talking about.

The utterly lazy ones.

The ones who make a job out to be far harder than it is, and make out nobody else is capable of doing so they can do that job full time.

The ones who hate part time workers.

The ones who fall asleep at their desks and never get reprimanded.

The ones who always get far to shitfaced at the Christmas party.

The ones who have a complete inability to communicate what they are doing, despite you needing to know these things in order for you to do your job.

Serial meeting starters. Half the time it could have been an email.

The ones who dial a number with loudspeakers on.

There may be more. I’m quite intolerant 😂

Chottie · 06/12/2018 22:41

I have found my people :)

Can I add, the one who swears in two languages, burbs and heats up her leftover dinner for lunch and 9 times out of 10 it is a smelly, curry type meal, which stinks out the office.

LanaLily11 · 06/12/2018 22:44

Oooh where to start, the colleague who deliberatley schedules personal appointments in work time, and arrives back in just in time for lunche. He seems to constantly be having time off for holidays and trips and is the one employee who lives closest to the office and still manages to be late every day.

The colleague who forgets everything, misplaces everything, can’t use a computer to save her life and yet questions everyone else on if what they have done is correct.

The colleague who insists on his coffee always being made from the Tassimo machine, whilst everyone else only has one a day from the machine. He must be costing the company a fortune and if you haven’t made it quite right, he will let you know I forgot we worked in Finance and not as Baristas in a coffee shop

yorkshirepud44 · 06/12/2018 22:45

I quite like the ones who get shitfaced at the Christmas party.

My favourites are slow cooker man and boner man.

We have dog woman. Got a dog this year and talks of literally nothing else. You have to get in quick to declare your absolute hatred of dogs (whether true or not) or face her latest dull video of said dog doing something perfectly ordinary every morning.

We have show sneezer. You can hear her from the next room. Makes me jump out of my skin.

We also have grief magnet. Seeks out anyone struggling with anything and homes in to see what's going on. Shows faux sympathy and then heads off to tell everyone else. Awful creature.

Oopsusernamealreadytaken · 06/12/2018 22:56

@yorkshirepud44 We also have a dog woman. She talks about nothing else.

We also have a lady who starts “collections” for just about anyone or anything. Someone’s taking a shite, lets start a collection for that 😬

Original poster

MaMaMaMySharona · 06/12/2018 23:04

The dog women sound like my colleague. I actually love dogs but hearing about someone else’s constantly would send me up the wall

OP posts:

lightlypoached · 06/12/2018 23:24

@yorkshirepud44 i have to own up to being a very loud sneezer. sneezed once at work some distance away from a bloke (in London) on the phone to someone (in NY). The New Yorker said 'bless you' . my sneeze travelled across the Atlantic.

sorry about that but if I held them in my head would explode.

limpbizkit · 06/12/2018 23:30

I'm just loving thr slow cooker one. I wanna meet this guy! It's hilarious

baubled · 06/12/2018 23:35

Hands up, who's reading through to make sure they don't recognise themselves as the annoying colleague

ThistleAmore · 06/12/2018 23:35

I recently worked with somebody who was so awful that sometimes I have to take the memory out and poke it with a stick to make sure it was real, and not some kind of trauma-related hallucination.

She was a high-end drama llama who I have, with some reflection, come to believe was actually mentally unhinged in some way. Apart from anything else, the way she spoke about her husband and children - never mind her colleagues - made me think she was some kind of high-functioning sociopath. I dread to think what she said about me when I wasn't there.

Vile, vile human being.

cfmagnet · 06/12/2018 23:49

I have two who drive me absolutely batshit. One is a sniffer. And I don't mean the mildly irritating, she's got a cold type of sniffer. I mean incessant, punctuates her speech, has a rhythm of its own, makes me want to headbutt the wall sniffing. What is worse is that other than the sniffing, she is an absolute sweetheart and I adore her so I can't even kill her with a letter opener as I have so often daydreamed
The other is a shuffler. The woman never...NEVER lifts her feet from the floor. Which results in an insidious shuffling noise up and down the corridor every time she goes to the water cooler/toilet/photocopier/print-room/shuffler meeting place. She is also a massive pain in the arse so I am allowed to daydream about killing her with a letter opener. Which I definitely do not do about my other colleague.
I thought I was a fairly tolerant person until I started working at this office. Turns out, not so much.

Original poster

MaMaMaMySharona · 07/12/2018 08:21

baubled Yes!! Me! I'm making a conscious effort at work today not to sniff, eat apples or sneeze

OP posts:

baubled · 07/12/2018 08:25

@MaMaMaMySharona I'm working from home so hopefully I won't be on any lists today the slow cooker is out ready for Monday though!

Original poster

MaMaMaMySharona · 07/12/2018 08:27

We're not even allowed a toaster at work, I wonder if I could slip a slow cooker past security...

OP posts:

IJustLostTheGame · 07/12/2018 08:34

Oh dear.
I have a mini rice cooker I bring in to work.

I like having hot lunches and the microwaves in the staff kitchen are disgusting.

Original poster

MaMaMaMySharona · 07/12/2018 08:43

Oh my god. AnnoyingColleague has just walked in and the first words out of her mouth were 'Morning! Oh my god I went out last night and now boyfriend is annoyed with me.'

Give me strength. Earphones going in.

OP posts:

Trills · 07/12/2018 09:06

Mini slow cooker under the desk is genius though.

baubled · 07/12/2018 09:06

Have you had the full story yet @MaMaMaMySharona

Trills · 07/12/2018 09:08

One colleague who is very nice and well-meaning always comments if I'm wearing something nice and asks me if I'm going somewhere after work.

She doesn't mean anything bad by it but it annoys me.

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