Someone bought an elf for DD

[Yabbers]

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

[hazeyjane]

I knew I shouldn't have posted on a thread about the freaking elves....they bring out a weirdness in people!!

Hope you solve your elf dilemma op. I'm going to slope off and feel paranoid about my mumsnet overuse.

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

I saw a post where someone had bandages on their Elf's leg and strict instructions from Dr that it not move for 3 weeks HTH

[Pebblespony]

I don't think the problem is the elf itself, it's the overstepping of boundaries that I'd be annoyed about.

[NotAlwaysAPushover]

Who phoned you? The staff member? If so did you get chance to say no thank you? Or if it wasn't the staff member who gave the gift, who was it?

[Perfectly1mperfect]

The staff member was probably just trying to be nice, although she maybe should have checked with you first. I'd have been fine with it and thought it's a lovely thing to do. I've realised that on mumsnet there are a lot of elf haters though.
It's entirely up to you what you do, if you don't have time to do something each night then tell you daughter that this particular elf wants to just be a toy for her bedroom.

[Pinkyyy]

I saw a post where someone had bandages on their Elf's leg and strict instructions from Dr that it not move for 3 weeks

Problem solved OP well aside from the fact that it's a bit strange for this to have been bought for her by this staff member. Is she/he going to go out and buy every other child whatever is on their list?

[MacarenaFerreiro]

The problem is that everyone does Christmas their own way. Some have elves, Some don't. Some decorate their house with flashing lights, others don't. There is no RIGHT or WRONG. Elf-havers aren't further up the Christmas pecking order than the elf-refusers.

Elf on the Shelf is a very new thing which has really only been around the last five years. If you choose to jump onto that particular bandwagon then crack on - but don't try to impose your choices on others. It's also not "magical" and you're not in some way depriving your child if you choose not to partake.

Christmas is not about buying the latest faddy tat from Poundland - or it sghuldn't be.

[NonaGrey]

I think Iran imposition and a significant overstepping stepping of boundaries.

It is not a member of staff’s job to impose Christmas traditions in anyone else’s house.


I dislike these elves. I have chosen not to buy one.

Buying one like this without discussion with the parent is highly manipulative.

Personally I would make a polite call to the school and send it back.

[Strokethefurrywall]

My Grandson adores his and thinking of something doesn't take a whole lot of effort for a child you love.

Ahh you're quite right, those of us who don't want to deal with elf on the shelf don't love our kids as much as those that do.
Same as those children don't have as much "magic" in their lives. FFS cop on to yourself.

Christmas is magical for small kids whether you get them a sodding elf or not and frankly they don't care about elf on the shelf, they care if they get to watch a Christmas movie together, or make Christmas cookies.

I don't have an opinion on whether folk have an elf, but I do have an opinion on people spouting shite.

[MerdedeBrexit]

Are you sure it's not the class elf? But odd that the school rang you about it. Whole thing is strange. I'd probably get the elf to run away, back to school, because it wants to be the school elf. Or bin it and say the dog ate it.

[MacarenaFerreiro]

Someone on another of the "elf" threads suggested sticking it in the freezer and telling the kids it's homesick.

Genius idea. Remove on Christmas eve when you need to make room for food.

[lottiegarbanzo]

YANBU at all, that's so weird.

Ok if she wants ot play 'moving elf' at school I suppose. Was that the intention?

[Walkerbean16]

It's not just supposed to move though, my Facebook is full of naughty things that people's elves have got up to. Writing on mirrors etc.

[DreamingofSummer]

Fuck me, the world is in a shitty state these days!

A school staff member does something nice for one of the kids and it's a "serious overstepping of boundaries" and "highly manipulative."

Total bollocks!

[Nousernameforme]

I found this on facebook it seems apt.
But no YANBU I would find it really strange if i was in that situation and someone bought ds an elf

[Aarghhelpplease]

I saw a brilliant elf picture today. elf had broken its leg was wearing a little cast holding a note saying that they couldn’t move for 2 weeks!!
On a more serious note, a member of staff can not buy individual gifts for children.

[Perfectly1mperfect]

It's not just supposed to move though, my Facebook is full of naughty things that people's elves have got up to. Writing on mirrors etc.

You don't have to follow others though. I think it can be as quick or as time consuming as you want to make it. My friend does it, shes done a couple of things that would have taken a while to set up but her children are just as excited to find the elf in the Xmas tree, fallen in a vase or in the sweet/chocolate cupboard. She says most of the time it takes a minute and she has set an alarm on her phone to remind her to do it each night before bed.

[lottiegarbanzo]

If the parents wanted the dd to have an elf, they'd have got her one. School could have passed on what she'd said about Santa bringing one and left it to them to decide how to respond.

[WomanOfTime]

YANBU. I used to work in a primary school and this seems weird and inappropriate unless the staff member bought every child in the class an elf (and then it'd just be weird). In my school we had children who celebrated Christmas in various different ways, and plenty who didn't celebrate it at all.

In my last year there I had one boy ask me if Santa was real, I did the whole 'well, what do you think?' thing and got the reply that his dad said Santa was a story for Christians so his family didn't do it. It would have been totally inappropriate for me to then leave him a gift 'from Santa' even if I believed that children who don't do Santa have no magic in their lives or whatever. This situation is fairly similar. No matter what the staff member thinks of magic elves, it's your decision what traditions your family participates in.

[Pinkyyy]

A school staff member does something nice for one of the kids and it's a "serious overstepping of boundaries" and "highly manipulative."

I'm usually on that side of the fence but this really isn't appropriate. It's not fair on all the other students, especially when school's are killing themselves to treat every child exactly the same

[ReanimatedSGB]

I'd be unimpressed and would be having a word with the school. It is not appropriate for any staff member at school to buy a gift for one child: favouritism can be very damaging.

I don't like the elf thing (surveillance culture, how fucking magical that is...) though TBH if DS had been going on about wanting one, I would probably have got one from Poundland and let him play with it (mercifully this is not going to be an issue for us now as DS is 14).

[AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo]

I'm getting a bit tired of Christmas 'magic', which apparently comes solely and exclusively through unquestioning, absolute belief in Sants, elves etc., being treated as some kind of absolute priority.

OP, if this was a gift personally and specially for your dd, this was very intrusive and inappropriate. A proper overstepping of boundaries. You are really, really not meant to do this sort of thing as a member of school staff. There are all kinds of pitfalls associated with it (quite apart from the implied judgement of your parenting, although that is secondary). I'd be going in to school about it and using words like 'safeguarding'.

[AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo]

Santa, not Sants, whoever that is.

[strawberryalarmclock]

@DreamingofSummer unfortunately personal gifts, rather than whole class gifts are a huge no in education.
Anyone who has done any safeguarding training could tell you why and if you have dc yourself be glad (very glad) that such strict rules are in place.

[Perfectly1mperfect]

On a more serious note, a member of staff can not buy individual gifts for children.

Is this true? My child's teacher a couple of years ago bought my child a present. My child had done something really kind so that was the reason.