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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL demands a ‘tour ‘every single time she visits

248 replies

bringincrazyback · 06/12/2018 13:20

No, this isn’t a MIL-bashing thread as such, I’d be annoyed if anyone did what I’m about to describe, but I do have to say that my MIL’s ways do test my patience at times.

She’s due to visit at the weekend, and as always, I am somewhat dreading it. She demands a ‘tour’ of the house EVERY time she visits, regardless of whether we have changed anything since her last visit or not. The house is a big old Victorian pile which we love and which people are always quite excited to see, but with four cats, me working from home, suffering from chronic fatigue and caring for my parents part-time, a pathologically messy DH and my parents renting part of the house from us, the fact is that I don’t want people to see every single room, as I’m pretty much the only person in the house who does much in the way of cleaning or tidying (my parents can’t due to various disabilities, and DH barely lifts a finger, because cleaning and tidying are for ‘uptight’ people in his opinion. Oh, and ‘no one notices either way’, apparently. Except that his own mother VERY MUCH notices.)

It’s really MIL's attitude that's the problem, as the 'tours' are actually thinly-disguised inspections during which it always appears she is actively looking for things to criticise. Her own standards of cleanliness and tidiness are extremely high, and she frequently refers to people who don’t subscribe to her own high standards as lazy. We do show people around the house a little, and show them some of the rooms, but not all. I consider bedrooms, for example, to be private (on her last visit MIL demanded to be shown my parents’ bedroom!!!) and I won’t show people rooms which are cluttered or messy, and there are always a couple of those in our house, because with so much on my plate it’s just not possible for me to keep everything pristine, even with a cleaner coming in every couple of weeks.

I think I could see MIL wanting to see the whole house if we'd changed anything in it since her last visit, lol - but she had the full tour the first time (Highlights: 'You'll have to get rid of that awful carpet', 'You need to do x, y, z to the garden ', 'You'll be redecorating the whole house, of course ') and the second after we’d had a LOT of work done ('I see you've still got that awful carpet', 'I'd have thought you'd have ripped those wardrobes out', 'You need to get the exterior repainted') so she’s seen everything now and I really couldn't work out what the deal was with wanting to see Every Single Room again last time and acting like a spoilt child when she couldn't.

Highlights of her last visit: starting to pull branches off one of our trees because 'they need to come off', opening every cupboard and looking into it, sniffily remarking 'Oh, well, the garden's looking a bit better now' in front of my mum and dad who put a LOT of time and effort into making this garden look great when they were more able-bodied, opening cupboards and looking into them, and - the piece de resistance - pulling the classic 'trailing finger along dusty surface, then looking at finger' move. Basically, the more stuff she sees, the more she finds to criticise, so it's easier for my blood pressure if I can limit the amount of criticisms of my home that she's able to find. When did it become socially acceptable to demand a ‘tour’ the second one arrives in someone else’s home? And then whine when said ‘tour’ doesn’t extend to every single room in the house? frowny face

AIBU to be dreading her visit? And, more importantly, AIBU not to let her roam around our home at will, especially given how critical she is?

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 06/12/2018 16:11

' Hi MIL, due to overwhelming demand, the cost of a tour is now £80'

PoisonousSmurf · 06/12/2018 16:15

Tell her the Poltergeist has been messing up the house and that 'it' doesn't like her and she'd better leave before she gets something big and heavy chucked at her judgy face!

Zorayda · 06/12/2018 16:16

I'd be very tempted to acknowledge the mess and her higher standards and ask her if she'd mind using her expertise to clean the kitchen/bathroom/hallway, which would be such a help as you can't and her son doesn't.

wink1970 · 06/12/2018 16:17

My DH stared to say "uh oh, Hotel Inspector!" when my own DM tried this back on the day - it worked after a few goes.

SundayGirls · 06/12/2018 16:17

YANBU. She is using (abusing) your good nature/manners/sense of respect as she's your MIL/all of the above. Put a stop to it. I would be direct. Like PP have said, say "Not doing a tour today MIL!"

Call her out on it in the name of "humour" (yes it's not direct but even if it is passive aggressive I think you've earned the right) eg Oh MIL, sometimes I only think you come round to inspect the house instead of us!" Or "Maybe later". Just keep saying "maybe later", "in a while", "not just yet" but don't ever actually do it. If she requires you to be her audience for her criticisms it will drive her mad you keeping her dangling, carelessly.

The possibilities are endless!

I know how hard it is to stand up to your MIL but let me tell you, the best way to back her off is to make the first move and do it boldly and with conviction.

"Hi MIL, how nice to see you! Now I hope you won't be asking for a tour today as it's definitely not on the menu, too much to sort out I'm afraid (vague). Would you like a tea or a coffee?"

Then if she pushes it, say "But nothing has changed since last time MIL, there's nothing new to see! Biscuit?"

When she senses you mean business, she'll stop messing with you. Also try to pull her leg a little here and there on purpose. Don't be docile and wait for her to start playing with you.

UhUhUhDennis · 06/12/2018 16:19

OP get a cleaner and a new husband/MIL

SundayGirls · 06/12/2018 16:20

Zorayda brilliant! Grin Have a box of cleaning products ready. When she mentions the "tour", say "I HOPED you'd ask! I've got some cleaning products ready. Shall I wait downstairs whilst you give upstairs a going over?"

SandAndSea · 06/12/2018 16:21

If she tries the 'finger testing for dust' thing again, which really is incredibly rude, look quizzically at her then hand her a duster. (I would have one to hand just in case.)

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 06/12/2018 16:52

When did it become socially acceptable to demand a ‘tour’ the second one arrives in someone else’s home?

It didn't. It never has.

That's why it's ok to say 'Oh you've seen it all already so no tours today I'm afraid. Can I get you a cuppa?'

StormTreader · 06/12/2018 16:57

"Either that or start getting creative: create a faux sex chamber or hell, just line up a few massive dildos/bondage gear somewhere obvious then when she clocks said stuff and is gawping, blithely say whilst running a finger over to check for dust “yeah, sorry about the dust it’s a right bugger isn’t it? Youd have thought rubber and leather would cause less dust? Total pain in the arse.”

Now I'm mentally following that up with nudging and "although sometimes a pain in the arse isn't ALL bad, I bet you know what I mean! Eh? Eh?" and hear the frantic scurry of horrified feet back downstairs Grin

LakieLady · 06/12/2018 17:08

Leave something ultra embarrassing on the bed,

Exactly what I had in mind. Some bondage gear, gimp mask and the most enormous dildo you can find should fit the bill imo.

SarahSissions · 06/12/2018 17:10

@lakielady and then apologise for her sons personal items and tell her you wish he would start putting his stuff away.

LakieLady · 06/12/2018 17:12

Perfect Sarah!

kateandme · 06/12/2018 17:14

you are a grown lady.she has no right to make you fear someone coming into your home.your home is a place of love and safety.stick up for it and urself.
you have been so patient and respectful til now op.she has given nothing back.
you've been the nicer better person by aloowing this to continue but I always think there comes a point when people keep hurting you that you have to bite back!also with her doing this to your parents it would make me very lioness like.
major problem here is your dh should be showing her the door.
when she asks just say calmly and breezily "oh theres is no need mil nothing has changed since you last came."move ont to doing something else.

KickAssAngel · 06/12/2018 17:21

I wouldn't bother with any fake politeness or concern for her. Look her in the face and say "It is very rude to inspect another person's house. You are here to enjoy the company of this family. If you have another motive then you should visit a hotel."

Then just say nothing and look at her.

Even better if you can get DH to say it.

But her thinking she can go into other people's bedrooms is utterly outrageous and should be denied with full-on telling off as if she's a naughty toddler who hasn't learnt the basics of good behaviour yet, because that is what she is.

Then tell DH to do housework or create a magic cleaning fairy. He's an adult. It's part of the brief - clean up you own shit.

Holidayshopping · 06/12/2018 17:26

Does she give you tours of her house?!

Your DH sound sounds lazy and his mother is rude. Just say no!

ShinyPinkLipgloss · 06/12/2018 17:31

She can jog on!

You need to tell her tours are not available (and mean it). It will be initially a little awakwsrd but it’s your house so your rules!

eddielizzard · 06/12/2018 17:38

I think I'd lose it and ask her who the fuck she thinks she is! If she's here to be critical she can bloody well go home!

Notonthestairs · 06/12/2018 17:43

Stop putting up with this nonsense, say no and stick with it, a bit of awkwardness won't hurt you or her.

Gramgram · 06/12/2018 17:48

You know what to get her for Christmas, she could inspect houses to her heart's content of you got her National Trust membership.

goingonabearhunt1 · 06/12/2018 17:55

I think you have a bigger issue with your DH. Does he think basic cleaning (doing dishes, laundry, sweeping kitchen floor etc.) is 'uptight' or just like extreme level cleaning?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/12/2018 17:56

If you don’t want to be too confrontational, @bringincrazyback, you could just ask her “Why?” when she asks for a tour.

“Nothing has changed since your last visit, MIL, so why do you want a tour? What’s the point?”

And if she insists - “It makes me very uncomfortable when you want a tour, MIL, and I cannot understand why you need to look round “ - and see if she has the brass neck to insist on doing something you have said makes you uncomfortable.

If she says she can’t understand why you’d be uncomfortable - “Well, you are never complimentary, are you, MIL?”

Tinkobell · 06/12/2018 17:58

Actually, I agree that your MILs behaviour is very belittling, very passive aggressive. She's treating you like some kind of blushing, awkward newly wed wife that wants approval from the stern matriarch. Tell her to sod off.

SubtitlesOn · 06/12/2018 18:08

If you have a downstairs toilet/washbasin combo meaning there is nothing upstairs she needs to access

Buy a STAIR GATE and put it across the downstairs bannister to stop her going up the stairs.

Fix it very tightly actually - over tightly so it won't open at all unless you are incredibly strong

I really recommend the ones without a handle that you just squeeze but one that is quite complicated to operate

SandAndSea · 06/12/2018 19:02

I've made a few suggestions but, thinking about it, what I would actually say is probably closer to,

"Oh no! It's a right mess up there! Another time, when it's tidier. Now, what would you like, tea or coffee?"

I would be breezy but assertive. If she pushes, which would be odd, that's when the definite 'no' (etc) comes out.

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