Wound up!.Delicate girls? help me here!

[CaveDivingbelle]

I was having a conversation last night and it totally got my back up...Maybe aibu..tell me! So I was basically saying that you have to encourage your children for example if they want to travel as they get into teen years,sport etc . I have boys, the person I was speaking to has both. He said well it's sooo different when you have GIRLS..you worry more, you don't mind so much when it's boys. Basically we ended up almost arguing. It just sounded like the most sexist claptrap ever. Anyone else not " worry" about boys?? Would you kick your son into touch if he wouldn't go on a trip but calm your daughter down with fluffy kittens and tell her it was ok? Thoughts please!!

YANBU, boys are just as deserving of emotional support as girls, and girls are just as deserving of being emboldened to be brace as boys.

*said as mother of boys and girls (of varying ages from young to adult)

*brave not brace

I would certainly not encourage my daughter any less, however I think I would worry more. I would probably end up overcompensating for this worry by encouraging her more! The truth is that women are more likely to be the victims of random attacks, rapes, general annoying everyday sexism... and I also think I relate more because I have been through that as a women, whereas I don't have the first hand experience of being a boy. So yes, I think your friend is very wrong to say girls and boys should be treated differently in these scenarios, but I definitely understand why you might worry more about a girl.

I think i’d treat both sons and daughters more or less the same. I’m going to go with YANBU

I have two boys and two girls. And so help me God I’ll treat them as individuals not as a gender. They will all be pushed to the exact same end goals of resilience, exploration and success (in careers and relationships etc). How I push them will depend on their personality.

Oh I should also add, I would probably also overcompensate for not worrying enough about my son by making myself more!

@Hedgehoginthefog summed up perfectly how I feel about this

Currently i worry about my son do much more than my dd. She's 3 years younger but is more mature in almost every aspect. She's terrifying when crossed. He is far more likely to be bruised by life

Yeah the guy was in the wrong. Girls shouldn't be limited under the guise of 'protecting' them.

On a broader note, personally I think given that we live in a patriarchal society, it's vital to counterbalance this by more support and encouragement for girls (and my daughter) into life-enriching experiences. So I do focus more on encouraging my daughter more than my son into things like travel, academics, sport etc. It's so important to empower our daughters and show them that they shouldn't be held back and that the sky is the limit.

Many schools are wise to this now too, hence various initiatives to prioritise female participation in sports, sciences, travel, mentor schemes etc. Boy's traditionally have been entitled to all this and still possess extreme privilege so they don't really need such resources.

It sounds to me less like a discussion about equality and more like that old thing of someone trying to patronise someone else with the usual "you couldn't POSSIBLY know what it's like as you are not in MY UNIQUE POSITION" and refusing to engage in any meaningful dialogue. I imagine that is what has actually got your back up.

YANBU. I have both, and I believe it is incumbent on us to assess, reduce and minimise the risks for girls, level the playing field, and promote equality, not make a song and dance about our fears.

It sounded like sexist claptrap because that’s exactly what it is. Our DC may need differing amounts of support and in different ways but that’s largely down to their personality and individual traits, manor their gender

Yes, it's sexist claptrap.

The truth is that women are more likely to be the victims of random attacks, rapes, general annoying everyday sexism

I'm not sure the 'random attacks' part of that is true, it's young men who seem to be more likely to fall victim to random stabbing etc - maybe because they're more likely to walk home from the pub or club alone at night. Caveat - I don't have statistics to hand so I may be wrong but it's certainly not the case that young men are immune to danger.

?manor? That should read not their gender

@KissedByFire

Have you explained that to your son?

Of course I worry more about my girl. We live in a world where women and girls are at daily risk of harassment and serious assault, is this what he was getting at? So if both my son and daughter were, say, going travelling I’d feel my daughter was more at risk of something bad happening to her, but I’d hope I’d support them both to do what they want.

YANBU but I would always suggest, safety in numbers. Better if a group goes rather than just one, even better - a mixed sex group.

I agree with Tinyteatime actually though it is not a popular view nowadays. Nevertheless facts are facts.

Thanks all...I mean...is this really why we fight the good fight for equality? My nephew has health issues. My niece doesn't.. but hell I dont give a stuff about him going off doing his own thing cos...ya know...he's a BOY! My healthy niece however..nope...she's staying in learning how to make a good lasagne! Except of course that's not true...should it be? We actually ended up not speak ijng as he had this supercilious smirk on his face....

@Sethis

"Have you explained that to your son?"

Happily he's been raised a feminist and taught why men should be allies to female empowerment.

You worry about both.
You want strong independent children to grow up to be good human beings. Gender doesn't matter.

Though for young women today I do say the only person who you can rely on is you. Make sure you are financially independent & stable.
Though that is the same for both sexes.

Hmm. My generalised reaction would be to worry about the effect other people might have on girls, while worrying about the effect boys might have on themselves - taking physical risks, overconfidence, driving too fast etc. Also that they are more likely to have a negative impact on others for the same reasons.

On an individual level, individuals vary, of course.

But your friend wasn't talking about 'my dd' being a certain way, he was talking about 'being a parent of girls'. In this way HWBU.

Sounds like a classic case of 'overprotective dad'. Part of that is based on men knowing what their own behaviour towards girls was like, in their own teens and twenties. So a mixture of valuable insight and, sexist asshat men assuming that all other men are like them, thus perpetuating sexism against their own daughters.

Boys/men are statistically more likely to be victims of violent crime. (No idea if my clicky link will work).

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/thenatureofviolentcrimeinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2017#which-groups-of-people-are-most-likely-to-be-victims-of-violent-crime

I have both. I have worried far more about the boys than the girls!

It all boils down to treating females as property and curtailing their independence.

I've never lectured anyone else about everything they're doing wrong as parents. Girls face dangers that boys don't (so much).

I've actually worried more about one of my sons because he's a complete idiot sometimes than I do about my daughter who is level headed and reasonably sensible.