Wound up!.Delicate girls? help me here!

[CaveDivingbelle]

I was having a conversation last night and it totally got my back up...Maybe aibu..tell me! So I was basically saying that you have to encourage your children for example if they want to travel as they get into teen years,sport etc . I have boys, the person I was speaking to has both. He said well it's sooo different when you have GIRLS..you worry more, you don't mind so much when it's boys. Basically we ended up almost arguing. It just sounded like the most sexist claptrap ever. Anyone else not " worry" about boys?? Would you kick your son into touch if he wouldn't go on a trip but calm your daughter down with fluffy kittens and tell her it was ok? Thoughts please!!

Different worries. The fact it's still so difficult to get any kind of conviction for sexual assault/rape and there is still so much nonsense about consent worries me, but if I had a boy I'd have other worries.

Tinty That's a different point of view though, what others think of the perpetrator and victim. That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm saying that, if I had 'statistically average dd and ds' I would worry about the possibility of the ds injuring himself and others by taking some stupid physical risk, especially involving motor vehicles. Far less so the dd.

The subjective experience of guilt can be really destructive. That would therefore be an additional worry I would have for my ds, if risk-taking was a concern.

Would I rather my ds was injured in a car crash caused by someone else, or that he received the same injury in a car crash he caused, that also injured someone else? The former. That is the issue I'm raising.

I cant say the exact circumstances as it's way too outing. Let's just say it's a once in a lifetime experience and involves no risk. Say if your teen daughter had been picked to be the face of vogue but would be shooting in Australia heavily chaperoned..( its not this but something akin..)

TinklyLittleLaugh, unfortunately that type believe in male entitlement and Men being in charge. I've known Men who've perpetrated DV, who don't seem to mind when their DDs become victims.

Women now face a new threat because of Self Identification.

"Say if your teen daughter had been picked to be the face of vogue but would be shooting in Australia heavily chaperoned"

I know that's not it, but as I said, Young Women are preyed upon.

The truth is young men are preyed upon too in those 'vogue' type circumstances. I'm not sure the solution is to be more protective of everyone though.

So back to OP's question, my point is that I think there's an added level of needing to teach responsibility / worrying about irresponsibility with 'average ds', than with 'average dd' (age 16-25) who is likely to be more mature, responsible and less risk-taking already.

That, combined with vehicle and other physical accidents / misadventure being much more common than serious sexual assualts, plus random violence being more often directed at men, is why I think I'd worry more about 'average ds' than 'average dd'.

Really, I think worry expands to fill the available space. There is no upper limit.

I'm a bit pissed off to find that there's no age limit for worrying either. Fondly imagined that now they are in their 20s I would be blissfully blasé about what they do with their lives.

Nope. Now I worry about their careers and jobs and partner choices. All while pretending to be cool mum.

it's young men who seem to be more likely to fall victim to random stabbing etc

Young men are more likely to fall victim to stabbings etc. but it's less likely to be random.

So men can take more steps to avoid violence by not being in gangs and not arguing with other young drunk men. Whereas women can't really do anything to avoid being randomly attacked.

Young men generally don't have to be afraid of walking past a middle-aged man in a suit on a quiet street at night, whereas that same man could be a real threat to a young woman walking alone.

In short, I would worry more about a girl. But I would still encourage her to go if it's a generally safe country and she's not all alone.

lottiegarbanzo

Would I rather my ds was injured in a car crash caused by someone else, or that he received the same injury in a car crash he caused, that also injured someone else? The former. That is the issue I'm raising.

Fair enough I agree with this, but I still think that it is education, you have to educate boys not to take risks, in the wrong situation, (dangerous driving for example), and maybe encourage girls to do things and not hold them back because they are a delicate little flower.

I actually thought you were referring to the instances where men have been accused of forcing women into sex and is it/isn't it rape. And the repercussions/guilt of that.

Boys are more likely to be attacked, more likely to have accidents (mortality rate higher for young men), more likely to commit suicide, less likely to get the same exam results as their female classmates so there is an argument to worry more about boys in general

I am playing devil's advocate by the way I think gender stereotyping does both boys and girls a disservice. The level of worry for a child is surely just about that individual child and the challenges they face.

I'd have got annoyed as well. I have to bite my tongue in some situations where men talk about their daughters never bringing a boy home but don't extend the same principles to their sons

I think everyone needs to stop worrying about statistics and focus on the individuals. Stats are of no use to anyone except statisticians and policy makers. For the family, the stats are useless and possibly inhibiting.