Wound up!.Delicate girls? help me here!

[CaveDivingbelle]

I was having a conversation last night and it totally got my back up...Maybe aibu..tell me! So I was basically saying that you have to encourage your children for example if they want to travel as they get into teen years,sport etc . I have boys, the person I was speaking to has both. He said well it's sooo different when you have GIRLS..you worry more, you don't mind so much when it's boys. Basically we ended up almost arguing. It just sounded like the most sexist claptrap ever. Anyone else not " worry" about boys?? Would you kick your son into touch if he wouldn't go on a trip but calm your daughter down with fluffy kittens and tell her it was ok? Thoughts please!!

What sevreal eople have said - young men far more at risk of violent crime.

I can't imagine NOT worrying about one of my children regardless of what genitals they have. But not to the extent that it restricts their life.

But that facts are that by far the greatest number of victims of assault are young men. Young men fighting and attacking each other is the majority of everyday violence.

So claiming as a 'fact' that women are more at risk of assault is just wrong.

More low level harrassment yes but that's not violent assault.

In the very rare cases when violent assault happens to girls, the outcome may be worse. But I'm not even sure that's true. Men murder each other rather a lot.

I have both. I worry more about my middle girl, because of her character. She is extremely trusting. The youngest won't take any crap, so currently I would be less worried about her. I wouldn't worry as much about my son in a safety sense - he is strong physically, and less likely to be raped if travelling alone. So yes, I would worry less about him more in THAT sense, but would worry about him MORE for being drawn into fights, getting punched etc (he tends to stick up for others), so I would worry about HIM more in that sense. For me at least, it depnds on the country, the situation, the child.

You have to make more of an effort to encourage girls because the default is that they shouldn't have to push themselves as much. I find I even have to watch it in myself. Very surprising.

However I'd go for enthusiastic encouragement over 'kicking them into touch' either way!

In many ways I think it's worse dealing with being the unintentional perpetrator of something awful, than being the victim - depending on degree of harm. That is a reason I'd worry more about boys / young men as a class and their stereotypical risk-taking activities (that part of the brain doesn't mature until around 25).

I think that I worry about different things.

As a woman I carry my keys if out at night, I try not to go alone into dark side street etc. I worry for my daughter if she's out alone in the same way I worry for myself.

I have a trans son who passes pretty well here but I did step in to stop him accepting a volunteer opportunity in a country with a dreadful protection record for women, where I would not have done if he had been a natal boy.

I also think that the victims of violent crime stats are somewhat skewed by the societal norms for behaviour of women and protections of them. 'Women and children first' etc.

Of course opportunities should be the same for man and women/girls and boys, and we should be encouraging our children towards that, but there are risks for women and girls which are different to those for boys and men. Different kind of worry.

Girls are more at risk of random attacks, are more of a target and are less able to defend themselves, so yes I would worry more about my daughter than my son.

Happily he's been raised a feminist and taught why men should be allies to female empowerment.

Oh good. So long as he knows why his mother encourages his sister's sports, academics and travels more than his own, and that you offer her more support than him due to structural societal inequalities, and not because you love him less. It's great that you've told him that.

I can't think of a time when I haven't worried about my boys. Every day I worry that my eldest who's at secondary will get knifed, or hit by a car or beaten up. Of course I'd worry about daughters and the worries may be differently awful but would I worry more? I can not see how!

Absolute rubbish to suggest that you don't worry because of their sex. You worry because they're your children.

I've actually worried more about one of my sons because he's a complete idiot sometimes than I do about my daughter who is level headed and reasonably sensible.

Yes I feel exactly the same about DS and DD. I was really worried about DS when he was younger because he really was away with the fairies and if someone had said come down this dark alley and see this insert appropriate card game, pokemon, warhammer model etc, he may have considered going. DD on the other hand is much more sensible and level headed and doesn't have the wool pulled over her eyes.

To the poster who said that fathers worry because they know what they were like as young boys, I am presuming they mean in the sense that they would always try to get a girl to have sex with them. Not in the sense that they would attack and rape a woman.

So I suggest these fathers should encourage their girls to be careful, take precautions and only sleep with (if they want) boys they really like. And teach their boys the exact same thing! Not just keep them home and prevent them having fun.

I worry differently. I am very conscious of helping my son manage his emotions- i don’t want him to fall into the expressing all emotions as anger thing that many men do. Also, as he is male, white, middle class and well educated, it’s important that he is aware of his privilege. I take my responsibility to make sure he”s not a dick very seriously!

I worry about his personal safety- he’s prime demographic for idiot dangerous behaviour. And I worry about his mental health. And I worry about his sexual conduct- the pressures on boys from peers and porn are enormous.

@Sethis it hasn't been without it's problems. DS has at times resented it and said our daughter is favoured. But that's another topic I don't want to derail the OP's thread.

In many ways I think it's worse dealing with being the unintentional perpetrator of something awful, than being the victim - depending on degree of harm.

What!

The only difference is a daughter can get pregnant and a son can't. Both would have to deal with any consequence of an unexpected pregnancy but it the daughter who would carry a baby/or not. Young males are more likely to be assaulted thought so that provides some extra stress. Overall having adult children is a worry.

Yes Tinty that was me and I do mean that they know how they viewed young women (as objects and conquests perhaps) and the ways they behaved trying to persuade them to have sex with them. So yes, more about encouraging assertiveness in girls as the obvious antidote than anything more sinister, necessarily.

But there is a reaction whereby the most sexist men are horrified at the thought of other boys behaving the way they did, towards their dd and their response is to wrap her in cotton wool. Which is just a continuation of their 'men as active, women as passive' sexist mindset.

In many ways I think it's worse dealing with being the unintentional perpetrator of something awful, than being the victim - depending on degree of harm.

What's so anger-inspiring about that?

I would, in a general sense, worry very much about risk-taking young men causing car crashes that kill or maim other people, for example. I wouldn't have that worry about young women, in general.

Dealing with guilt, and legal repercussions, as well as physical harm, is harder than dealing with physical harm without the guilt and repercussions.

I'm not sure the 'random attacks' part of that is true, it's young men who seem to be more likely to fall victim to random stabbing etc - maybe because they're more likely to walk home from the pub or club alone at night. Caveat - I don't have statistics to hand so I may be wrong but it's certainly not the case that young men are immune to danger.

Just looked it up and you're right (although I wasn't for a second suggesting that young men should be immune. Perhaps a factor is that young women are less likely to be walking home alone due to the perceived danger - perhaps a consequence of us worrying more about them, and another good reason as to why we should worry equally about our boys!!

Good points made! But..I go back to the fact he worries more because she is a girl. Not her character,her personality,her capabilities..just that one fact. I don't think that's a pov thats helpful or progressive. He's welcome to spout it obviously...but I just don't agree at all.

I only have girls and it’s just as irritating having the assumption that they’re ‘delicate’ as it must be the assumption that boys are ‘tough’
They’re each individual.

If he smirked at the end chances are he was on a wind up mission.

The daughter will possibly tell him where to go eventually. Or he may not actually stop her doing anything.

I worry about my children in ways I never dreamed of when they were younger. I try not to let on though.

I would, in a general sense, worry very much about risk-taking young men causing car crashes that kill or maim other people, for example. I wouldn't have that worry about young women, in general.

Dealing with guilt, and legal repercussions, as well as physical harm, is harder than dealing with physical harm without the guilt and repercussions.

So the poor sausage that caused someones death/injury through driving recklessly deserves more sympathy than the victim.

Sorry but I disagree, I would feel sorry for the victim, not the perpetrator who through driving dangerously causes someone else harm. I have no sympathy whatsoever for reckless risk taking young people (men and women). I have sympathy for someone who injures someone by accident (through inexperienced driving for example), but not for reckless risk taking. They deserve all the guilt and repercussions that they get.

As others have said I worry way more about my sons than my daughter. Particularly my eldest son who is a risk taker with no fear - he is only 6 and i'm already having palpitations thinking about him driving (and my 2 year old DD is already more sensible than he is!).

Boys are much more likely to be beaten up for just being in the wrong place or walking alone. That's my main fear when they become teenagers (obviously I have a million other fears which keep parents worried like a loop of final destination playing constantly in my mind).

My main fear for my DD is that she wont fulfil her potential due to societal pressures. That she will end up unhappy and married to an abuser. That she will give too much of herself away. I am currently teaching her it's okay to say no and not share, because she has too generous a nature and I worry that she will be taken advantage of and trodden down by her brothers and it will set the stage for another man to come along and do the same.

He genuinely wasn't on a wind up mission! He was serious...He only smirked because I'd challenged him and called him out, he couldn't figure how to respond so it was just a " yeah,think what you like" type look.

You mentioned travel, so it depends on we're to.

Young Women are preyed upon. The difference between attacks on young Men and Women, is that, yes, Men suffer more attacks, but Women suffer more attacks just living their life.

If I had a Son and Daughter going to parts of Africa, or a Muslim Country, which I have had, my Daughter is in a lot more danger and can't count on help from the Police.

Arou d the UK? It depends on personality etc.

Even in Paris, my DDs and their Female friends had incidents. Their Partners, male friends, didn't.

At least one in three young Women have been sexually assaulted, or attempted rape etc, most don't report it.

It's a sweet kind of natural justice to think of all the pushy borderline sex offenders lying awake at night, fretting about a bloke just like them getting his hands on their princess.