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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I cannot stand my friends kid AIBU?

77 replies

BeautifulBlue · 05/12/2018 22:07

He’s 3 & I know... I know his just a kid. BUT his intolerable. I have kids myself, I know they aren’t always little angels. He’ll throw a tantrum every 5 minutes over literally nothing, he cries, shouts & whinges basically the whole time we visit. Anytime my DDs touch anything he owns he goes into full on meltdown & runs across the room to take it back & calls them fat & ugly Hmm they’re neither... My friend is totally wiped out from his behaviour & I feel so bad for her, but the thought of going round there this Sunday (we see them most Sundays) is feeling me with dread! How long can I sit & grit my teeth stopping my DDs from touching anything incase he has a meltdown over it!! (He is all over their toys when he visits us & they say nothing) I love my friend, she’s lovely I want to see her but her kid drives me nuts & I don’t want to see him. AIBU, considering his age? Should I just ignore it & hope as he gets older he’ll get nicer?!

OP posts:
Snowwontbelong · 05/12/2018 22:10

Take a bag of your dd's own stuff. And don't make them share.. But I am a cow.

ludothedog · 05/12/2018 22:12

It's ok not to like him, just don't let it show. Also, every weekend? Way too much. Drop it down to once a month until this phase passes.

Ohyesiam · 05/12/2018 22:13

Id see her a lot less

NancyDonahue · 05/12/2018 22:13

Your poor friend. It must make her feel crap. 3 year olds can be like that. One of mine was a nightmare. Is it easier if you meet out somewhere, soft play etc?

CheshireSplat · 05/12/2018 22:13

I'd ride it out, especially as your friend is exhausted. I'm not a massive fan of other people's 3 year olds, but 6 year olds are great!

It doesn't sound fun though. Do you have to grit your teeth or can you treat him as you would your own children?

TenThousandSpoons · 05/12/2018 22:14

Why would you go every Sunday? Just go once a month with your dds and try to see your friend in evenings without kids if you want to see her more. But yes he will get better with age, probably.

coffeekittens · 05/12/2018 22:16

I agree to the pp suggesting that you meet elsewhere. My best friends DC (3 & 6) are a handful (similar to what you describe some of the time and at other times very excitable and overbearing) and when we visit her house my DD doesn’t have the nicest of times as she’s very submissive and gentle. Much prefer going to a soft play as they can have their own space and blow off some steam.

BatShitBitchChops · 05/12/2018 22:16

This time of year is the perfect time to be cutting the every week visits down. Say you're so busy with prep/family visits/taking your DD to Santa etc that you'll have to give this weekend a miss. Maybe a quick Starbucks to swap gifts the week before Christmas if you do pressies or catch up in the new year.

Original poster
BeautifulBlue · 05/12/2018 22:17

@Snowwontbelong that’s a good idea, although they will share but maybe that’ll encourage him to share his things to. Hopefully my friend will step in ensure that happens. If you don’t share you can’t play with DDs toys or something..

@NancyDonahue I know I really feel for her, I know she gets embarrassed & she does try puts him on the naughty chair etc but it really doesn’t make a difference. We do meet at soft plays sometimes but my friend doesn’t like to much because he can be like this with strangers kids to & it’s stressful for her.

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Lollyice · 05/12/2018 22:17

You ANBU but ignoring it and hoping he'll get nicer is U.
I found friends DS difficult so had to find some common ground. Could you take a game/jigsaw/colouring book and sit down with the kids and spend 20minutes engaging with him and give your friend a break. I mostly read stories to friends DS.
Having something that is yours to share might help him share his things with your DD.
You don't need to spend a lot. My friends dd and mine don't particularly get along but enjoyed a 50p each magic paint book each from Wilko and spent half an hour quietly together.

NonaGrey · 05/12/2018 22:17

Meet her in the Park or at soft play not at your homes.

Meet her wiithout the children.

He’s being repeatedly unkindd to your children and you aren’t defending them? Why not? Your first responsibility is to them.

Original poster
BeautifulBlue · 05/12/2018 22:20

@CheshireSplat she does tell me to tell him if his doing something wrong & she’s not in the room etc but I only feel I can go so far. I think what gets me the most is the fat & ugly comments to my DDs, they’re quite submissive/sensitive as a PP said & they just look at me? I don’t know what the solution is to that.

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Mumshappy · 05/12/2018 22:22

Perfect excuse with the run up to xmas not to go every sunday. Id go with the soft play suggestion. Neutral territory its not his things. See how that goes. Does his mum persist with discipline or does she give up quickly.

Original poster
BeautifulBlue · 05/12/2018 22:23

@NonaGrey this is what is getting to me the most, I obviously say DDs are not fat or ugly ‘ben’ don’t be mean please (not his name but..) but he is 3... & not my child. The girls don’t get much fun out the visits I must be honest, which is making me more inclined to stop/drop the amount. But my friend is quite isolated anyway due to his behaviour & I just feel bad for her.

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Original poster
BeautifulBlue · 05/12/2018 22:25

@Mumshappy mum tries, but she does give up a lot. I think she is more patient/used to it as it’s her child but it is annoying to see him getting away with it pretty much..

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NonaGrey · 05/12/2018 22:25

they just look at me? I don’t know what the solution is to that.

The solution is tell him very firmly that it’s unacceptable and that if he does it again he’ll have to go home/you’ll leave.

And then follow through.

They are loooning at you because you aren’t doing what they need you to do. Which is put them first and defend them.

NonaGrey · 05/12/2018 22:26

I’m sorry for your friend but I’m far more sorry for your girls.

Go see your friend in the evenings.

Holidayshopping · 05/12/2018 22:27

I don’t see anyone every Sunday, even my own family!

See her less and maybe just in the evening without kids for a few months,

Does she say anything when he calls your girls fat and ugly? I would have to say-‘Erm, now now-that’s not how we speak, that’s very rude!’ and take my kids home if it carried on.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/12/2018 22:28

Meet in a park they tend to be dead this time of year and they can run around and avoid each other.

Take crayons or stuff for your kids that they can play at a table that he can't easily reach.

Could you arrange to meet her for a night out or at one of your houses after the kids are in bed?

Original poster
BeautifulBlue · 05/12/2018 22:30

Yes, I agree. I think from now on I’ll grit my teeth as always but if the fat/ugly comments come up I will say how rude that is & that we’ll have to leave if you say that again & I will follow through with it. My girls do sort of become a tag team & say ‘well Ben smells of poo doesn’t he DD2?’ Queue DD2 ‘yeah big smelly poo!’ Ben goes into meltdown... he can give, but cannot take!

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Original poster
BeautifulBlue · 05/12/2018 22:33

We could work out an evening thing without the kids, yes. Maybe the way to go for a while.

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Yidette86 · 05/12/2018 22:33

He sounds dreadful, I wouldn't like him either especially if he was treating my daughter like that.

I would definitely bring some toys for my daughter and if he tried to play with them I'd say " are you going to share yours?" if he doesn't I'd tell him he wasn't being nice and that he shouldn't expect others to share when he's not doing the same and not let him play with her toys and tell him to play with his own... I know I sound mean but kids like him frustrate me when they're affecting other kids, your poor daughter shouldn't have to experience that.

Yidette86 · 05/12/2018 22:36

As for the name calling... I would point blank tell him he's being horrible and to not do it.. I'd also make sure your friend is aware and enforces this, it's disgusting what he is saying and needs to learn it's not appropriate.

Mumshappy · 05/12/2018 22:37

I think you need to break the every sunday habit first. If he calls DDs nasty names and mum doesnt deal with it properly its time for a conversation with her. I think sometimes mums are blind to how rude etc their child is as they become immune to it.

Original poster
BeautifulBlue · 05/12/2018 22:38

@Yidette86 I know. I have to keep reminding myself his a 3yo child, but honestly I can’t stand him. I don’t like feeling like this towards a child!

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