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Original poster

BIL has sent a rude message about me to the family whatsapp - help me respond

65 replies

Chipbutty67 · 05/12/2018 15:49

DH and I are in a family whatsapp with my in-laws. Theres currently a 'heated discussion' between BIL1 and MIL. MIL (has form for being extremely unreasonable) is insisting BIL1 visits her sister with her at the weekend. BIL1 has refused (work committments). MIL then trots out 'How would you see if your adult son didnt visit your siblings??'. I'm due to take DN (BIL's son) out soon. BIL1 responds, 'I wouldn't care, unfortunately in the case of Chip it can't be helped'!!!!!

To add insult, BIL2 'replies' to this comment with a crying with laughter emoji, and then adds 'At least BIL1 isnt as rude as (my) DH'

They continue bickering, then FIL messages, 'lets not fight' and everyone goes silent.

They all have form for being overdramatic, petty and rude twats but I really don't want to let this one slide. What can I respond with?

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/12/2018 15:52

I don't understand what he means by "in the case of chip that can't be helped" can you explain please

Justmuddlingalong · 05/12/2018 15:52

Sorry. I'm lost.

FooFighter99 · 05/12/2018 15:53

The middle finger emoji usually works quite well I find Grin I can't work out what the "insult" is supposed to be though

7yo7yo · 05/12/2018 15:53

Maybe you should message back. In the case of Chip it certainly can be helped. I don’t actually have to see you fuckers again.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 05/12/2018 15:54

Was he joking?

Sometimes things don’t quite come across over text in the spirit they were meant.

Twinningsloverbutnotanymore · 05/12/2018 15:55

Why do you have to respond? sit this one out and just watch it unfold. No need to be replying to anything

Ohyesiam · 05/12/2018 15:55

Don’t get it. What can’t be helped?
Does he mean that his son has to see you? If so , more info about the circumstances of you taking dn out.

Loopytiles · 05/12/2018 15:55

Don’t understand.

ElainaElephant · 05/12/2018 15:56

Nope, no idea what is going on there.

Fancy giving us a bit more of a hint, op?

Orchidflower1 · 05/12/2018 15:56

I’d not get involved. All sounds for too complicated and stressful!

Original poster
Chipbutty67 · 05/12/2018 15:57

without saying too much, I see DN (Bil's son) due to an ongoing arrangement I have with SIL, which isnt really related to BIL. SIL and I knew each other before she met BIL and meet each other through a social circle outside the family.

I think what he meant was, even if my son didnt bother seeing my siblings I wouldnt care, but unfortunately he'll have to see ChipButty anyways due to this other arrangement.

OP posts:
VictoryOrValhalla · 05/12/2018 15:57

I don’t understand what he means.

Avegemitesandwich · 05/12/2018 15:58

I don't geddit.

trulybadlydeeply · 05/12/2018 15:58

I'm not sure I understand either. Did he mean that he wouldn't care if his DS never saw you and your DH, but you are insisting on taking him out?? How old is his DS?

timeisnotaline · 05/12/2018 15:58

Do you mean because you’re taking his son out his son is seeing you without him doing anything about it and he’d rather his son didn’t see you? So why are you tKing his son out? Can you just cancel? Your dh should cancel for you.

FoodGloriousFud · 05/12/2018 15:58

Nope not a clue!

Original poster
Chipbutty67 · 05/12/2018 16:00

@timeisnotaline exactly this

I think he's saying he wouldnt care about his son seeing me, unfortunately as I have a separate and previous relationship with his wife, it can't be helped

OP posts:
AromaticSpices · 05/12/2018 16:00

For those that don't get it - the BIL is making a snide comment about being forced to see extended family (with the insinuation that he dislikes them) such as the OP, who has arrangements to take out the BIL's son. So he has to see her, while implying that he doesn't want to, in a similar way to him not wanting to see his mum's siblings.

Just ignore though OP, rise above it. I'd be tempted to leave the group in protest. Depends if anyone actually jumps to your defense though and pulls up the BIL on it. 'Let's not fight' isn't exactly 'don't be a dick' though. A dignified silence here, OP. I think.

VictoryOrValhalla · 05/12/2018 16:00

Oh I get it now. So he resents that you see his son? And that he has no say in the matter?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/12/2018 16:01

It's a joke.

I'm all in favour of technology and WhatsApp and stuff like that if it enhances your life but they just seem to be using it to bicker with. whats the point, might as well come off.

Avegemitesandwich · 05/12/2018 16:02

But the OP isn't his sibling is she?

trulybadlydeeply · 05/12/2018 16:04

Well he sounds very unpleasant, even if it was a "joke". Hopefully his DW has seen it, and will be upset on your behalf.

Original poster
Chipbutty67 · 05/12/2018 16:07

I hope this isnt a drip feed, but BIL has form for being quite weird on whatsapp.

He takes SIL's phone and adds himself to group chats (friendship group) which don't involve him. Unfortunately, once in this scenario he read a message sent which wasnt directly an insult but wasn't very flattering to him and absolutely kicked off.

I know its petty, and I should probably leave them all to it, but the temptation to give him a taste of his own medicine is so strong.

OP posts:
StressedToTheMaxx · 05/12/2018 16:08

Now you explained it.
Wow! It's rude! It's the word "unfortunately"
Did your dh say anything?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/12/2018 16:09

A lot of men are really really odd about keeping in contact with family members and making sure that their kids have good relationships with extended family.

Maybe your BIL is one of those.

Anyway, I wouldn't respond. whats the point? He's already said it's not important to him whether the kids see you or not which is sad for him and his kids but no reflection on you.