BIL has sent a rude message about me to the family whatsapp - help me respond

[Chipbutty67]

DH and I are in a family whatsapp with my in-laws. Theres currently a 'heated discussion' between BIL1 and MIL. MIL (has form for being extremely unreasonable) is insisting BIL1 visits her sister with her at the weekend. BIL1 has refused (work committments). MIL then trots out 'How would you see if your adult son didnt visit your siblings??'. I'm due to take DN (BIL's son) out soon. BIL1 responds, 'I wouldn't care, unfortunately in the case of Chip it can't be helped'!!!!!

To add insult, BIL2 'replies' to this comment with a crying with laughter emoji, and then adds 'At least BIL1 isnt as rude as (my) DH'

They continue bickering, then FIL messages, 'lets not fight' and everyone goes silent.

They all have form for being overdramatic, petty and rude twats but I really don't want to let this one slide. What can I respond with?

If I understand right then it makes me wonder of bil is thinking of splitting from sil but knows that because his Sil (op) is friends with his wife then he will never be rid of her entirely???

Either way it's a bitchy comment.... a nice GIF of Ross from friends doing that hand gesture should do it

Sounds like an it's-just-a-joke-what-are-you-so-uptight-about goady bollocks to me.

As such, I would either ignore, or respond with an emoji, as you can't be accused of being uptight when you communicate in emojis...

I would respond with 'Yes, BIL. We all have to spend time with people we'd rather not, for the sake of family'.

Arsehole.

could he have been joking.knowing your on this group he knows youll see it so is making a joke?

Is your friend (dickheads wife) in the group? I mean Does she know what an unfunny twat she’s married?

Also what does your dh say about this. I guess he also knows the family dynamics.

I love the ‘noted’ comment. So succinct but utterly perfect

Speak. To. Him. You won’t have a clue what course of action to take if you don’t. Mis-fired joke or blatant rudeness...it’s hard to tell. Could be either. The ‘unfortunately’ makes it salty enough to make an issue of.

“Bil1 - that seemed like a pretty disparaging remark you made about me on the group chat. I was taken aback. I’ve got to ask you...”

The one time this expression would actually be appropriate;

“Did you mean to be so rude?”

I read that as a (poor) joke and his attempt to diffuse his argument with his mum.

why do you need to respond ?

I don't think it's a joke at all, it is a sly backhanded dig at the OP dressed up as a joke.

It's nast. Really nasty and I would send him the finger by every method I had available to me. I would then become icy forever. Twat.

Nasty not nast.

Just reply with " 😂 glad the feeling's mutual 😘"

I'd just ignore. If he doesn't like you and you bite back, he'll feel justified. If he was making a joke and you bite back he'll get defensive. If he was making a joke or doesn't like you and you don't respond, he might feel a bit uneasy. Plus you look dignified and sensible to everyone else.

At first I thought DN was an older child or teen; then I’d interpret the comment as BIL didn’t care if DN saw Chip or not but it was sort of arranged without him anyway. But as he’s only 7 months old I think the joke was that DN doesn’t have a choice to see Chip so it’s tough if he doesn’t want to. Whereas he’s a grown up and can say no to not seeing his aunt.

It was a joke.

Fire something funny back or ignore.