BIL has sent a rude message about me to the family whatsapp - help me respond

[Chipbutty67]

DH and I are in a family whatsapp with my in-laws. Theres currently a 'heated discussion' between BIL1 and MIL. MIL (has form for being extremely unreasonable) is insisting BIL1 visits her sister with her at the weekend. BIL1 has refused (work committments). MIL then trots out 'How would you see if your adult son didnt visit your siblings??'. I'm due to take DN (BIL's son) out soon. BIL1 responds, 'I wouldn't care, unfortunately in the case of Chip it can't be helped'!!!!!

To add insult, BIL2 'replies' to this comment with a crying with laughter emoji, and then adds 'At least BIL1 isnt as rude as (my) DH'

They continue bickering, then FIL messages, 'lets not fight' and everyone goes silent.

They all have form for being overdramatic, petty and rude twats but I really don't want to let this one slide. What can I respond with?

Ignore. Life is too short.

Tbh it sounds like he is the one spending time resenting your relationships with his wife and child, he’s the loser in this story, not you. Don’t let him take up brainspace by getting annoyed over this. Laugh at how pathetic he is and forget it.

I'd just reply 'noted' and then move on

I still really don't understand what you mean or how this is an insult to you?

What a sad man your BIL1 sounds. Ignore him. I bet your DN enjoys spending time with his aunty.

He sounds a dick, and the rest of the family's reactions aren't great. If it upsets you enough (and it would me), I'd rethink arrangement and let BIL explain to his wife why it's ending, if she questions it.

Twats. I'd be loth to let them get away with it.

At the very least I'd text them saying 'You DO realise I can see all these mesages, don't you? Don't be so bloody rude.'
(and WTAF -- they were the ones calling your DH rude???)

Why should chip and sil disrupt their plans. Ignore this idiot. Clearly a disfunctional family who think rude is funny. What does your dh say?

I read it as him not caring but "unfortunately" Op (& her OH) "have" to see his son?

Idk, why would anyone care if their kids aren't interested in their Aunts/Uncles?

(Maybe I'm odd for that, but I see who I want to in the family & my kids can do the same)

Perhaps something like 'Just the old tactful, caring side we've come to expect from you again. Hope (MIL) has a nice weekend'. And don't engage in any more of the group,, as in, leave, and explain you can't be doing with banter when it turns insulting if it comes up again.

I'd probably reply "wow that's hurtful, I'm sorry you feel that way. I think FIL has the right idea now"

@diddl sorry, I didn't explain, DN is only 7 months old, he definitely doesn't care if he sees me or not! I give him lots of attention and poor SIL has a great relationship with my kids as well, BIL1 is just a bit of a dick.

@Ormally, I love yours! But he would go nuts if I was so direct

@MaMaMaMySharona, I think yours is good! I want him to know we all see how he behaves

I genuinely couldn't think of anything worse than being in a group chat with my inlaws!

I leave Dh to organise stuff with his family, and I organise mine and that way everyone remains civil (usually).

To me this sounds like your BIL is making a joke (especially given the emoji he used).

I would just respond with the one-finger emoji in the same spirit.

If there is some other factor or backstory which leads you to believe it's not just a joke - or if you can't be sure - then maybe the one-finger emoji would cover that situation equally well?

What if you pointed out what you said here- that your friendship with his wife is nothing to do with him, so he can just butt out. What a rude twat. Your DH should be the one to sort him out. Sounds like he's jealous of his wife being friends with you outside the family.

"let's hope that DN takes after SIL eh"

Actually Lavender's suggestion is much more succinct and to the point. Let him kick off. He'll make himself look like a dickhead who cant take a 'joke'.

Just tell them they're all a bunch of cunts and leave the family chat. Job done.

Can you tell I don't suffer fools, or family?

I vote for NoFucksImAQueen's response.

Its a joke. Lighten up.

It sounds to me like a joke but you know the personalities and relationships involved better than us.

It's a joke.

He clearly felt that his relationship with you was good enough (and that you were sufficiently easy going) for the joke to be obvious.

Boy was he wrong.

Sounds like he was just joking. I don't think it's offensive. He's saying even if he didn't want to see you you'd still show up since you're close to his wife and dd. I'd let it go. He's just being silly.