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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we the only ones who don't buy each other presents?

60 replies

Zippyzoppy · 05/12/2018 10:17

Me and my partner don't really buy one another Xmas or birthday presents, and haven't done for many years. It's not that we don't like each other, but more that we wouldn't know what to buy, that it would feel like a little bit of a waste of money, and that we have joint finances anyway!

Are we the only ones, or does everybody buy diligently for their partners?

OP posts:
Blanchedupetitpois · 05/12/2018 10:19

We buy. It’s a nice opportunity to treat your partner to luxuries they wouldn’t buy for themselves. But each to their own - couples can decide what’s best for them about this stuff.

Ilovehamabeads · 05/12/2018 10:22

DH and I don’t bother for Christmas. But we still get each other a small birthday present. It’s usually something that we’ve pre-chosen ourselves though so no surprises. Just seems pointless most of the time, like buying stuff for buying sake.

TeamSpirit · 05/12/2018 10:22

We never do. We have joint finances and would rather go out for a meal or a trip. I can buy my own stuff, so can he.

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 10:22

There are many many threads on here where people say they don’t buy for their partners. So I’d guess you’re not the only ones, no.

GhostsToMonsoon · 05/12/2018 10:25

We don't (DH gets me some chocolates and flowers on my birthday but that's it). We have a joint account and if there's something we want we can just buy it ourselves.

Winlinbin · 05/12/2018 10:26

We don’t. We have reached the stage where we have pretty much everything we need or want. If there is something we want and can afford we buy it there and then. Recently I realised my husband would love a pair of Apple AirPods so bought him some when going through duty free on a trip. I could have held on to them for two months until Christmas but it seemed a bit pointless so he got them when I came back. He still got a surprise and a much appreciated gift and he also got an extra two months of pleasure from them.

However, if I am being totally honest this situation has partly arisen because he is absolutely shite at buying presents. He invariably picks something the wrong size or flavour or genre or colour etc. I am disappointed and he feels like shit for disappointing me. This system removes the pressure and potential for hurt feelings all around.

NancyDonahue · 05/12/2018 10:27

We get each other a selection box and a book just so we have something to unwrap. We're both a bit fussy and don't like surprises so if we want something we just get it ourselves.

SeaViewBliss · 05/12/2018 10:27

DH and I do but depends on the finances that year. This year we are saving for a big holiday at Easter so won’t buy anything.

Other years one or other of us had bought the other something biggish. iPad, Xbox type things.

DH is annoyingly good at finding things I didn’t know I wanted and I always love his gifts. He is really hard to buy for so I am very vigilant during the year to listen out for clues. Often it is tickets to something.

AHeartAPenny · 05/12/2018 10:28

We don't either. We also have joint finances. We'll often spend the money we would have spent on gifts on some other activity instead. Last year a singer we like was performing around the time of our anniversary so we bought tickets as a joint anniversary present to eachother. This year DH turned 30 and we spent the money throwing him a big party - he considered that his "present". A physical present just isn't ever really expected on either of our parts.

BarbedBloom · 05/12/2018 10:29

We do and enjoy it, but plenty of others don’t or just treat themselves to a holiday somewhere instead

Soiree · 05/12/2018 10:31

We're doing a £10 limit, no food or drink allowed, this year and it's been much more fun trying to think of good little things rather than just getting the usual whisky, aftershave etc. I might change my mind when I see what he's come up with though!

theonlyKevin · 05/12/2018 10:33

we usually don't, birthdays and christmas gifts are holidays. There's nothing either of us like more than a lovely holiday abroad.

We do buy random stuff through the year if we know the other one would love it occasionally. It's different with kids, but i don't like the pressure of buying something for the sake of buying a gift. When either of us really wants something, we get it anyway!

DietCokeIsBae · 05/12/2018 10:41

I would feel really upset if my partner didn't buy me presents on birthdays/christmas/mothers day because I love buying presents and little 'I saw this and thought of you' gifts all year round as a way to show I care. I would expect the same back, even if only on these days where gift giving is expected.

Knittink · 05/12/2018 10:53

We do. I find it a bit weird that long-term partners could possibly have difficulty in thinking of even a small present that their partner would really like. It doesn't have to be a waste of money if it's something useful or that they really want, regardless of whether it's from joint money.

elQuintoConyo · 05/12/2018 10:57

We do, but it is something small like slippers (mine are buggered, i'd really loke some new ones), a couple of books, maybe a CD (showing my age!). I think it is important our dc see us exchanging gifts, otherwise we wouldn't bother. Neither of us are flush and Christmas is always a squeeze.

We always, always stuff each other's stickings with fancy chocolates, though Grin

coffeeforone · 05/12/2018 11:11

We never have done, joint finances and buy everything we want and can afford on the spot.

However, I'm thinking if we should start doing it as the DC get older and do they need to see us exchanging gifts or not?

theonlyKevin · 05/12/2018 11:13

that's the thing, if it's useful, it wouldn't qualify as a present in my book. If it's needed, it will be bought anyway.

There's no right or wrong here, I just prefer having holidays and random gifts through the year.

It only becomes a problem when a poster expects gifts on set days, including valentine or mothers day, and their husband is completely unaware that he should buy stuff on those days. Partners should communicate, it would save MN from having hundred of disappointed threads on Valentine or Mother's Day because someone hasn't got a card or a teddy.

theWarOnPeace · 05/12/2018 11:14

We don’t bother usually at Christmas or birthdays. If my husband runs out of his favourite aftershave, he just gets another one. If I want a cashmere jumper, or shower gel from L’Occitane, we can either afford it or not, we’ve got joint finances so I don’t wait for it husband to buy special stuff for me as it’s all coming out of the same pot. We go out when we like, go on plenty of mini breaks, I’d rather not see money wasted on boxed sets of unwanted creams, socks I don’t need etc etc. I’ve never been bothered about birthdays and christmases but I do for my kids because obviously they don’t have their own jobs and money to do what they like with. When they’re adults I can see myself paying for trips or experiences for their Christmas presents. A friend of mine’s dad is fairly wealthy, instead of a load of presents - he always gifts them theatre tickets, a weekend away, or I think last year a sofa for their new house. That makes more sense to me than him buying the kids another pile of plastic, and pointless socks and smellies for her and her husband.

theonlyKevin · 05/12/2018 11:15

if we should start doing it as the DC get older and do they need to see us exchanging gifts or not?

you can do join presents with the kids, my little ones are really proud of their gifts to us, so it's a "group" thing.

Unihorn · 05/12/2018 11:17

We normally buy each other a token pair of socks, t-shirt or chocolates for birthdays or Christmas. We occasionally do a kitchen or home gadget the other wants but probably wouldn't buy themselves like posh knives or a nice coffee machine. Some years we buy nothing at all.

Sitranced · 05/12/2018 11:37

We don't bother. Throughout the year we'll buy something/s we want for each of us and call it the christmas/birthday present whenever that purchase happens to be.

LucieMorningstar · 05/12/2018 11:38

Sometimes we do sometimes we don’t. Ive just spent £90 on new glasses so told him not to this year!

DraculaAD1972 · 05/12/2018 11:41

We don't. We do Birthdays.

Gatehouse77 · 05/12/2018 11:42

It depends. Only if there’s something actually wanted. DH and I do other things for each other all year round to show our love/appreciation/thoughtfulness.

RedSkyLastNight · 05/12/2018 11:44

Sometimes we do and sometimes we don't. We don't buy things "just because" - we only buy them if it's something we know the other person genuinely wants.