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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are we the only ones who don't buy each other presents?

60 replies

Zippyzoppy · 05/12/2018 10:17

Me and my partner don't really buy one another Xmas or birthday presents, and haven't done for many years. It's not that we don't like each other, but more that we wouldn't know what to buy, that it would feel like a little bit of a waste of money, and that we have joint finances anyway!

Are we the only ones, or does everybody buy diligently for their partners?

OP posts:

NorksAreMessy · 05/12/2018 11:46

We don’t...married 30 years and have just bought an old house that needs loads doing to it.

“Merry Christmas...here are your sitting room curtains”
“Happy Christmas darling, I bought you a new loo”

Birthdays are a different matter

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 05/12/2018 11:48

Unusual but not wrong and better than just getting each other tat! I do think it's nice to have a chance to get each other a treat you wouldn't normally buy though - I think psychologically I like that my husband "bought" my treat and I his (even though it's a joint account) rather than buying our own.. Although if there isn't a treat you actually want there would be no point!

TheChickenOfTruth · 05/12/2018 11:48

We do. I don't like spending money on myself really so my husband uses the opportunity to treat me on my birthday. Equally, I'm better at saving than him so can usually afford to buy him something he can't afford for himself, like a new tattoo or a trip away.

For Christmas we just set an approximate limit depending on how we're doing financially that year. This year we've decided to invest in a video doorbell so we're just getting each other a small gift to have something to open.

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/12/2018 12:51

We have a £10 limit, and buy off-list (lists are aimed at adult children), so a complete surprise to open on Christmas Day, and if it is off-target, it's not much money wasted. But actually since doing the £10 limit we've both had some lovely presents.

JustanotherCHRISTMASuser01 · 05/12/2018 13:37

Sometimes we do but we have sufficient funds to buy what we want (obviously within reason no bughattis!!) So don't really put a lot of emphasis on gifts at Christmas this year were going on a holiday instead. We tend to actually use Valentine's as a nice time to spoil each other.

ForAMinuteThere · 05/12/2018 13:50

We don't. We try to spend it on things we need. We don't have a lot of disposable income but spread a couple of treats out during the year instead.

florentina1 · 05/12/2018 14:07

We don’t buy each other Christmas or birthday presents. We have birthdays in the same week and we have one card which we have been giving to each other for 30 years. It started one year when I forgot his birthday, so found a card he had sent me previously. It is nearly full now as we are running out of places to write in it,

Original poster

Zippyzoppy · 05/12/2018 14:11

Interesting the comments about DC watching parents exchange gifts. My parents never gave each other presents (probably why I'm not that bothered) - they couldn't afford it really back in the 70s/80s.

I remember once asking Mum why her and Dad didn't get each other presents, and she said it was because they didn't need to give each other gifts to know that they loved one another. I was about 8 and was more than happy with her answer!

OP posts:

chuffnstuff · 05/12/2018 14:14

We don't do Christmas, Birthdays or Valentines for that matter.

Don't see the need, and like other posters, we'd rather put the money towards a holiday.

First Christmas together we did gifts and then stopped.

We're far from miserable or bah humbug, and just prefer to put the money to other joint uses.

2isabella2 · 05/12/2018 14:31

We get each other some small gifts - socks/candle/game/kitchen utensil type thing. We share all finances and always have things we need so we can't really justify an expensive treat present. We have big families that we buy for and who buy for us though.

WildFlower2018 · 05/12/2018 14:45

We've been together 10 years. Never done Xmas pressies, used to be because we were poor and DH is fussy so I wouldn't k ow what to get ... now it's cus I don't see the point 😂😂

yoyo1234 · 05/12/2018 14:52

We seldom do. I hate Christmas ( years of being poor) ..... GPs rolling up with presents ( junk) when we need money for food ( and them wanting gifts in return). For me true love is DH not getting me gifts and helping me through it.

LellyM · 05/12/2018 14:59

We also have joint finances so don't bother for most occasions. For special birthdays we do make an effort (got DH a box set of the voyager space craft gold record recordings for his 50th, he got me half a saxophone).

This year we will share a dishwasher and tumble drier.

Just makes things easier - mind you, DH surprised me with a prosecco advent calendar this week!

Gaspodethetalkingdog · 05/12/2018 15:00

We buy something for ourselves, he likes gadgets I bought some lovely riding boots, I wear nearly every day.

SpoonBlender · 05/12/2018 15:03

We don't (much). If there's something super cute or appropriate we will, but there's no requirement and it's all very easy and comfortable.

We do birthdays a bit, but usually tell each other what's wanted :) We're both buggers for just getting whatever ourselves, so it has to be a little organised.

SpiritedLondon · 05/12/2018 15:04

Well me and DH go for it in a pretty big way I would say - I don’t think that exchanging gifts is necessarily exchanging “ tat” either - we’re not giving random boxes of toiletries from Boots 3 for 2 offers. Although we are able to buy ourselves stuff throughout the year it’s nice to buy an item that’s a bit nicer or more luxurious than we would normally buy ourselves. What other people choose to do is entirely up to them but obviously the problem occurs when a “ gifter” is paired with a “non gifter” and both are operating under different expectations

arethereanyleftatall · 05/12/2018 15:05

We don't buy. It's because we are in a lucky position financially, so if either of us needed or wanted anything at any point in the year, we'd just buy it. There is nothing that dh could get me that I wouldn't have got for myself if I wanted it. Bit boring really!

IveHitPeakTumeric · 05/12/2018 15:07

No we never do. We have joint finances anyway. I buy myself what I want, he buys himself what he wants. On birthdays and Christmases we might push the boat out a little and treat ourselves. Our ‘present’ to one another is to give a free pass to the spendthrifery on these occasions.

nicoala1 · 05/12/2018 15:16

everyone has different views about exchanging Xmas gifts.

We don’t bother largely because in our minds it is not necessary. We do however treat each other to a two night break in a nice hotel for our birthdays. That’s great fun because venue must be within 90 minutes drive or thereabouts. Research is fun!

Do it your way. Whatever makes you happy

EndofTetherReachedToday · 05/12/2018 15:28

We buy ourselves our luxury present generally in December. I don’t really understand why I would tell my husband what to buy me, let him order it and wrap it when I know what it is. I guess the romance has totally gone! We also have joint finances. We are happy with it.

Oblomov18 · 05/12/2018 15:39

We only have one joint account.
We normally buy each other something very small. We asked each other the other day. Neither of us can even think of anything we even want!!

MrsExpo · 05/12/2018 15:45

We have birthdays either side of Christmas ... DH in early December and me in early January, so we tend to do birthday presents and skip christmas. This year, we're spending silly money on an extension, which has to be paid for just before christmas, so another reason to skip pressies this year. If we buy anything, it will be a token gesture only ... DH loves a certain kind of sweet, so i'll get him some of those, and I'm a chocoholic, so plenty of scope for low cost token gesture these.

dancinginthekitchen · 05/12/2018 15:59

We do. We do stockings for each other filled with little treats and fun things and also buy presents. I really enjoy looking for books and gifts I know he will enjoy and I really enjoy receiving gifts. We’ve been married nearly 40 years and have always bought presents for Christmas and birthdays.

EmUntitled · 05/12/2018 16:33

My parents don't buy for each other. They have everything they need already.

My husband and I buy for each other but just a few bits to the value of around £35. This year he's getting a DVD, book, new slippers and some chocolate.

There was recently a thread of "how much do you spend on Christmas " and some people spend £200+ on their partner. I wouldn't have a clue what to buy him for that amount!

CrazySheepLady · 05/12/2018 16:37

My and my husband don't buy each other presents; we need the money for other things. I do insist on exchanging cards, though. I'd rather have a card with a thoughtful message than a present. Our birthdays are very close together so we just go out for something to eat or get our favourite takeaway delivered.

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