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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that women like this make it harder for the rest of us to succeed in our careers?

66 replies

muddiecuddles · 04/12/2018 20:47

An acquaintance has just had her DS2 - I asked her about her plans for going back to work after mat leave. Essentially, her job (in the legal profession) involved a long commute and she knew it wouldn't be sustainable with kids. She had not been getting on well in work and had had major clashes with some of her team which long predated her pregnancy but which she then reported as pregnancy related discrimination. She got signed off sick in the second trimester of her first pregnancy due to this. Subsequently got signed off sick again after her first maternity leave ended. She was very open about wanting to get pregnant again so as to not have to go back to work. Subsequently did get pregnant with DS2.

She is suing her company for bullying and harassment and anticipates getting a generous redundancy package taking into account the time spent in the company as well as the several years since she has actually worked.

If I was one of the managers in her company, I would think twice about employing females of child bearing age. AIBU to think that a small number of women like this make things incredibly difficult for the rest of us?

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 04/12/2018 20:50

I’d be thinking I’m lucky not to be her shoes, tbh. If she’s been bullied in work, then I don’t blame her.

formerbabe · 04/12/2018 20:50

Yabu

GunpowderGelatine · 04/12/2018 20:50

No. Misogynistic fuckwits who think women are too emotional/fertile/opinionated to be in the job are why it's hard for women to succeed. HTH

SlowNorris · 04/12/2018 20:51

We’re not a club

RiverTam · 04/12/2018 20:51

No, because only an idiot would extrapolate the bad behaviour of one female employee to all women. So she’s a gift to misogynists I suppose, but who’d want to work for them?

DCIJackieDeering · 04/12/2018 20:51

No, a man has just left my department as he kept being signed off sick (when we believed he was going for interviews), never did the work asked, constantly kept disappearing from the office etc. but strangely hasn't put me off hiring another man.

Why is men only represent themselves, whereas women seem like they have to represent all women?

greendale17 · 04/12/2018 20:52

She had not been getting on well in work and had had major clashes with some of her team which long predated her pregnancy but which she then reported as pregnancy related discrimination.

^YANBU. Vile woman using the pregnancy card to suit her own agenda.

DietCokeIsBae · 04/12/2018 20:53

YABU

Just because one person does something doesn't mean that all people do it. I'd be concerned about the fact that you'd be willing to discriminate against all young women/mothers just because of one bad experience.

Cherries101 · 04/12/2018 20:53

One shitty female employee shouldn’t ruin the hiring of another — THAT is discrimination and I would question you working for such a company.

treaclesoda · 04/12/2018 20:53

That's a convenient thought process.

I once knew a man who faked a bad back and sued his employer for supposedly being responsible for a work related injury.

If I was an employer I'd think twice about employing men in case they falsely make a claim.

Oh wait, no one thinks like that Hmm

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/12/2018 20:54

She must have been pretty darn phobic about going back to work If she got pregnant again just to avoid it.

Blanchedupetitpois · 04/12/2018 20:55

Why is men only represent themselves, whereas women seem like they have to represent all women

YES

GunpowderGelatine · 04/12/2018 20:55

I'm failing to see what she did as 'shitty'??

Phineyj · 04/12/2018 20:56

Some women do play the system. Some men do too (different systems, obviously). You can't really blame people for responding to incentives. I did judge the colleague I knew who did something like this, but mainly because it meant vulnerable DC at the school were without a proper welfare person while she was replaced. So, I think YABU on the whole as I have had plenty of crap, system-playing male colleagues!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/12/2018 20:56

I dont think you like her very much OP, do you. Is this colouring your judgement? If she was bullied at work (and you have implied she is lying about this. How would you know?) then she have my every sympathy.

GunpowderGelatine · 04/12/2018 20:56

I've been involved in the employment of numerous people and 4 out of 5 times the people who I've employed who go off sick are men. I don't think I won't employ men again because they're skivers

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/12/2018 21:01

Why is men only represent themselves, whereas women seem like they have to represent all women?

Another vote for this ^

Beansprout30 · 04/12/2018 21:04

I'm sure she didn't get signed off sick for the fun of it, how do you know the ins and outs of it? YABU

Believeitornot · 04/12/2018 21:05

YABU

Maybe her employers shouldn’t have acted like wankers

EwItsAHooman · 04/12/2018 21:09

You can't successfully sue someone without some sort of evidence to substantiate your accusations so the fact such evidence exists means her employers obviously were acting like dickheads.

Bunnymumma · 04/12/2018 21:12

*Women of child bearing age
*
So people put off by this person would only consider hiring women of what age? Perhaps they'd need to start asking about candidates fertility as well, to make an informed choice?

If she was bullied, I don't. Lame her for doing everything possible to bring home a wage and avoid being mentally dragged down. If she played the system to her advantage, it would be a very weak minded employer that disregarded all females afterwards.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 04/12/2018 21:23

As an employer, we've had far more issues with male staff than female. Some people just use the system and play the game... their gender is irrelevant.

MotherOfDragonite · 04/12/2018 21:24

YABU. I doubt she'd contemplate the enormous emotional and financial outlay of suing for bullying and harassment if she hadn't actually been bullied and harrassed... so it's fairly clear who to sympathise with here.

What, should women not be hired because they might have children? Do men not have children too? Is this whole fucking system that we call 'society' and indeed 'workers' not founded upon the crazy idea that we procreate and continue our species?

MotherOfDragonite · 04/12/2018 21:26

I mean sure, you could think of disabled people and women and ethnic minorities and older people as liabilities.

Or you could think -- fuck it, maybe my stable of white guys in their 20s-40s isn't the route to a really innovative culture.

Or you could think -- fuck it, they might have something special to offer.

Or you could think -- fuck it, why have I built my temple to Mammon around the needs of only one small percentage of my potential talent base?

Sowhatifidosnore · 04/12/2018 21:28

YABU - either she really was being bullied etc. In which case you should support her or she’s out of order but this is an extreme case and only a really crappy company would think her behaviour should then taint all women. Shall I start listing some of the, what I consider poor/ unprofessional/ shitty behaviour of men I have worked with in the past and suggest that companies should
Judge all blokes the same?

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