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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

im so disappointed

78 replies

marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 11:14

ive been with my OH for 5 years. its his work xmas party soon he said im invited. I asked when it was the other day he said oh its the 20th but your not invited. He went on to say its because there are 40 people going and its in an outside shed so there isnt enough room for you. I feel so disappointed i know im being silly but its really upset me. It feels like i was invited but now im not.

OP posts:
EdisonLightBulb · 04/12/2018 14:10

There's a work party in a shed with 40 people going but only 6 people at his work? the rest are volunteers? volunteers for what? 34 volunteers in a shed party.

This is ridiculous.

But not as ridiculous as him not liking you to go out too. I think he is afraid you may rock up at his shed and catch him out.

AustralianMumof2 · 04/12/2018 14:11

‘lol’
I actually have no words.

RivanQueen · 04/12/2018 14:20

I call his story BS in a big way OP. People who accuse their partners of cheating are more often than not cheating themselves and deflect that onto the partner. The whole controlling thing about you not being allowed to go out on your own without him being there is scary. I strongly suggest you take your kids and run far and fast from this nasty piece of work. It doesn't matter what his ex did or what anyone else has ever done to him, you aren't those people and if there is a lack of trust the relationship is doomed. If my DP tried that on with me I'd laugh in his face while kicking him to the kerb, who the fuck does he think he is? Your keeper? Angry And the whole cock and bull story of 40 people in a shed for a Christmas party, when only 6 people work at the company??? Confused does he really think you are so thick that you won't see what a lie that has to be? I hope you wise up woman who has her own name but seems to have forgotten it after living in Marcus shadow marcusgirl and LTB.

RangeRider · 04/12/2018 14:23

its in an outside shed so there isnt enough room for you
I think this is reasonable actually. They've probably only just found that Mary & Joseph are going to be there and Mary is about to produce another guest. Then you've got the 3 Magi, shepherds, the innkeeper and his family (and he's probably been stuck with the MIL and pushy SIL plus her kids). That's close on 40 if you include the 6 staff, plus what with the donkey and the sheep and the cows - you'd be stuck outside in the cold standing in a cowpat. Stay home, relax...

Drogosnextwife · 04/12/2018 14:24

It doesn't feel like you were invited then not invited, that's exactly what happened. He sounds like a walloper.

recovery18 · 04/12/2018 14:26

LTB

DrinkingTeaLikeTonyBenn · 04/12/2018 14:32

If your DP thinks the only thing preventing you from cheating on him is him stopping you from going out, then surely all he had to do with his ex is stop her from going out then voila! Healthy relationship and lols all round Confused

Missingstreetlife · 04/12/2018 14:33

Are the partners of colleagues going?

shouldidoitspoilt · 04/12/2018 14:37

Is it only you there's no space for

What a prick

KellyW88 · 04/12/2018 14:39

Yikes! He doesn’t like you going out without him?? Alarm bells are a ringing :/

I’m not much of a going out sort of person but encourage my DH to do so whenever he has the chance (which isn’t all that often mind you lol) but on the odd occasion he’s practically forced me out of the door to make sure I go out and reconnect with my friends when possible (currently SAHM to twins!).

You may need to find a way to address this with him (unless he has other issues like a temper - not saying he does but I don’t want to encourage something that might bring you harm) it’s not normal xx

glamglamgirl · 04/12/2018 14:50

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Storm4star · 04/12/2018 14:52

Your problem is not the shed party! I agree with the others, accusations of cheating are usually a deflection. He doesn't trust you, because he knows he is cheating or would cheat so expects you to do the same. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. He doesn't trust you and there's a reason for that. He's either a cheat or controlling or both. Either way, this is not a good relationship. Aim higher!

desertmum · 04/12/2018 15:00

RangeRider Grin that made me laugh

BreconBeBuggered · 04/12/2018 15:00

I went to a Christmas do in a converted shed thing once. It wasn't nearly converted enough. Bloody freezing. Thankfully not a work do so no need to hold back on the warming drinks.
Were you entirely serious about your DP not wanting you to out out with your own friends?You say 'lol' as if you expect people to say 'yeah, men, what are they like, girls?'.

Original poster
marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 15:29

I think your all right about this ive been an idiot i need to seriously sort my life out . Who would have thought a shed party could wud have brought all this out. I put lol coz i felt embarrassed admiting that he doesnt trust me. When i spend all my time at work and with my kids.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 04/12/2018 15:35

We’ve all been cheated on, but we don’t all resent our partners going out.
Hope your ok op.

Twisique · 04/12/2018 15:55

Its not in a shed, he thinks he will have more fun without you :( Sorry OP.

Omzlas · 04/12/2018 16:30

He's controlling you OP

He's happy for him to go out 'alone' but not for you to have the same deal?

Nah. He's a tosspot. And he's definitely brazen about it too.

Vampiratequeen · 04/12/2018 17:48

This happened to me once with my DH. He told me about his work Xmas party and I would be invited, then told me I wasn't invited, then afterwards one of his work colleagues asked me why I hadn't gone with them, it turned out I was invited after all.

pinkyredrose · 04/12/2018 18:06

OP do you live together?

Original poster
marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 20:23

Yes we live together with my kids

OP posts:
Original poster
marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 20:26

I dont no if other partners of his colleagues are going i havent met any of them and i dont no who they are

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 05/12/2018 10:31

Do you want to stay with a controlling partner who doesn't trust you for no good reason?

Travisandthemonkey · 05/12/2018 12:02

Jesus.
Your partner should

respect you
Appreciate you
Trust you
Be your equal
Like you
Not control you

It’s not that high a standard to expect those things. It’s pretty fucking basic. And I’m sorry love. But that you ain’t got.

Original poster
marcusgirl · 05/12/2018 13:01

I agree and think we are not going to stay together this was the straw that broke the camels back im afraid

OP posts: