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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

im so disappointed

78 replies

marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 11:14

ive been with my OH for 5 years. its his work xmas party soon he said im invited. I asked when it was the other day he said oh its the 20th but your not invited. He went on to say its because there are 40 people going and its in an outside shed so there isnt enough room for you. I feel so disappointed i know im being silly but its really upset me. It feels like i was invited but now im not.

OP posts:
DoYouLikeBasghetti · 04/12/2018 13:23

Wow, that's really not ok at all Sad

Alfie190 · 04/12/2018 13:23

He says he doesnt like it if he isnt there

Why are you so casual about this? You put "lol" on your other post.

You should be running. This is only going to escalate and won't end well.

kingscote · 04/12/2018 13:26

That is not normal OP. If a friend of mine gets together with a guy who accompanies her everywhere, even on girls' nights out, I immediately see red flags and hear alarm bells.

Original poster
marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 13:36

Hes been cheated on by previous partner. So he likes to be there if i go out. Can i add that 6 people work for his company i asked who else was going he said volunteers. It just doesnt sound right to me that it would be in a shed

OP posts:
youngestisapsycho · 04/12/2018 13:36

So in the 5 years you've been with him, have you been out anywhere on your own?

RTFT · 04/12/2018 13:38

I'd be thinking he's lying about you not being invited, maybe someone else has caught his eye. And I bet he wasn't cheated on, more like the other way round. He's intending to cheat so he's trying to shift it over to yiu

pinkdelight · 04/12/2018 13:39

"Hes been cheated on by previous partner. So he likes to be there if i go out."

That is SO fucked up. He either trusts you or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, you might as well cheat on him cos the relationship is doomed. Seriously, this is no lol'ing matter. You need to not only go out without him - and to not give a hoot about his work (key word) xmas party - you need to have a big think about whether this is really what you need.

diddl · 04/12/2018 13:39

"Hes been cheated on by previous partner. So he likes to be there if i go out. "

You realise that that's a non sequitur?

Original poster
marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 13:39

Thats what im thinking tbh

OP posts:
PeanuttyButter · 04/12/2018 13:40

He sounds controlling and would just keep an eye out for it spiralling. Someone who has showed no reason be be distrusted should be allowed out on their own. My husband complains that he has to pick me up when I go out on my own. He would rather I stay out with friends haha

timeisnotaline · 04/12/2018 13:41

There’s nothing at all lol about a guy who doesnt like his partner going out alone. We have two young children so going out together is a challenge.
Oh wait- was lol a typo? Did you mean ltb? That’s ok then. Let him find some other mug to control.

Original poster
marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 13:42

Yes i go out without him. I work long hours as a carer so i dont have much free time. And im knackered on my days off. Plus i have 4 kids and its expensive

OP posts:
Iloveautumnleaves · 04/12/2018 13:42

There’s a reason he doesn’t want younthere and it’s not lack of space.

I’d suggest his story about having been cheated on is bullshit and it’s just a way of controlling you,

If you have ANY sense you’ll leave this controlling twat BEFORE you end up pregnant. You’ll seriously regret it if you don’t leave now.

TokyoSushi · 04/12/2018 13:42

Can you not see OP that this is controlling & wrong?

Iloveautumnleaves · 04/12/2018 13:44

X post.

You have 4 kids? Are any of them his?

Either way, get him gone.

Highginx · 04/12/2018 13:44

Ditch Marcus.

I bet you’ve got your own name and everything behind that controlling bloke.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 04/12/2018 13:45

Im going too but hes not happy about me going out on my own lol

What?? This is not normal and certainly doesn't deserve a lol. What would he do if you just went out?

blackteasplease · 04/12/2018 13:49

None of this is normal on any level.

Fortheloveofgodwhy · 04/12/2018 13:50

is it just you not invited or all partners , but yes the bigger issue is that he doesn't like you going out without him.. Fuck that for a game of soldiers, even saying it is completely unreasonable.

babysharkah · 04/12/2018 13:51

You not going to his Christmas thing isn't the issue is it? Its that he a controlling wanker.

I wouldn't go to DHs work do EVER. Cant think of anything worse.

Original poster
marcusgirl · 04/12/2018 13:55

No they are not his

OP posts:
Hissy · 04/12/2018 13:58

My love, this is all wrong, the excuses sound lame and it's that he doesn't want you there all of a sudden

The not going out without him is also a crock of crap - MOST people who cheat accuse their partners of cheating

Do you KNOW for sure she cheated, or did he make that up as an excuse to control her too? and now you?

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/12/2018 14:02

I am interested in this shed.

Who’s garden is it in.

Is it a 6x4ft or smaller

What are they doing for heating or lighting or tables.

Even with the numbers it is going to be a tight night.

I mean where are they putting the dance floor.

I know a company that does Christmas/New years eve parties.

Strictly speaking they do them in a tent.

In reality it is an enormous marquee with girls on hoops performing aerial stunts, a stage and a full sound system, kitchens and bathrooms and seating for 500+ with large tables with crisp white cloth tablecloths and napkins and silver service waiting staff.

Sorry Shed is BS

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/12/2018 14:04

And just because someone else cheated why is he tarring you with the same brush.

Even if that actually happened

MiaowMix · 04/12/2018 14:10

Forget the bloody "shed", who actually cares? And who wants to go to partner's work events anyway? Spouses etc strictly forbidden st ours anyway, huge party hiring out a venue in soho or similar.
More to the point why do you settle for this pathetic excuse for a relationship?Confused
And genuinely why "lol"? This is like the opposite of lol. It's tragic.

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