or has my Dsis exposed me to HIV risk?

[SinkerSailor]

I'm 4 months pregnant. I suffer from anxiety but I'm not on medication currently, because of the pregnancy. I'm really worried about something my sister has done. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

Firstly, my Dsis recently cheated on her DH with a guy who travels the world for work and who sleeps around a lot. I've sworn not to tell anyone.

Secondly, Dsis also has a close friend who is an HIV-positive gay man. He only got diagnosed recently. Apparently, Dsis and her friend like to kiss each other 'for laughs' when they get drunk. I am aware that kissing is almost zero risk, but apparently there can be a small risk if there are mouth ulcers/gum disease or similar.

Thirdly, Dsis stayed at my house for a week recently. Halfway through her visit I realised she had been using my razor. I may have used it after her, I'm not sure. Apparently a few cases have been recorded of HIV transmission through shared razors.

I got so anxious about this yesterday that I had to speak to DH, but I didn't tell him about the cheating, only kissing the gay guy. We agreed that I would ask Dsis to take an HIV-test, mentioning only that I'm worried for her health.

Today, when I spoke to Dsis, she agreed to take a test. She will probably have to wait six weeks to do this.

However... she also told me that, while they used condoms for PIV, she also had unprotected oral sex with the guy she cheated on her DH with. Now I am even more worried. I have promised Dsis not to tell anyone she has cheated on her DH but if I'm at risk, then my DH is at risk and he needs to know. Or am I being hysterical about this?

Please go easy on me.

Oh love you’re not at risk. Please don’t worry. It was very good of your sister to go for testing just because you asked, to be fair to her.
You are being hysterical, but you can’t help it presumably. Do you think you should look at going back on medication? There are a few safe for pregnancy

You are being hysterical; but I think you know that. The chances of your sister having contracted HIV and then passed it to you are so small to be negligable.

Please don't worry, you'd have to have both cut yourself and even then it wouldn't be remotely likely. But I get you totally, my family member put me in a similar situation and it made me feel ill.

You need to get support for your anxiety. Talk to your midwife about getting a referral to a prenatal mental health team

Thank you both. Really helpful to get some perspective on this. I don't want to tell my DH that Dsis cheated because I promised not to.

The guy she cheated with is a professional musician who has probably slept with hundreds. I don't know if that makes any difference...

@Sirzy, will they give me anything other than medication? I would be too worried about harming the baby if I took anything. I would like counselling, but the waiting list is usually so long there's no point even asking.

I agree that it’s your anxiety rather than anything else.

Although, totally separate from any health anxiety, you can totally legitimately tell your sister not to use your razor. I’d feel weird if my sister used mine.

If you feel you might be obsessing, do read about OCD: HIV is a very common obsessive theme and you might be able to see yourself in the descriptions. OCD Action has some good information. It is not uncommon for pregnancy to trigger or exacerbate OCD (and other MH conditions).

I know it’s a bit unpalatable to hear but HIV incidence is extremely low in the U.K. (thank goodness) and lower still amongst straight men or women. If he sleeps around he’s a dirty bugger vulnerable to some form of dick rot, but very unlikely to have HIV

Everything you’ve described is very, very low risk to you. It sounds as though you understand that this could be your anxiety talking, but it may make you feel better to pop to a sexual health clinic and get tested yourself. The sexual health nurse will be able to reassure you, you’ll get your negative result, and it’ll make you feel better.

You seemore worried about being at risk than genuinely concerned about your sister.

First off I wanted to say that you really sound like you need some help with your anxiety. I definitely think that should be a priority as such anxiety about such small risks isn't really very good for you.

That said I think that you are being a little unreasonable. Transmission of the HIV virus is generally through direct contact with the bodily fluids of an infected person. The chances of you having caught HIV from your sister are absolutely minute. Your sister is very good to be agreeing to your request for a test. If I were you I'd focus more on getting help for your anxiety and managing that and focusing less on the HIV status of your sister and the chance of you catching it. Ask her to avoid using your razor and then talk to your midwife about your concerns around the HIV. I'm sure they'll be able to reassure you.

The risk seems small for you, but why don’t you ask for an HIV test for yourself?

I'm pretty sure I will get tested just to make sure. But my potential exposure was only about two weeks ago, so I have to wait. They will probably think I'm crazy when I tell them the reason for the test, but I don't care.

@seventhgonickname so? The sister chose risky behaviour, op did not. So what if that's her focus? Yes the risk is small but op is anxious.

Doesn't matter if your sister tests positive or negative, it still wouldn't show if you had it OP.

Are you always anxious?

@seventhgonickname

Maybe. I'm a bit pissed off at her for her irresponsible behaviour. She's put herself at risk (and potentially me, or that's how it feels) just because she wanted to mess around. I'm also a bit angry at her for making me worry about her health and her relationship whilst being sworn to secrecy. Whilst pregnant and not on my medication. So, yeah. Maybe.

The NHS website says the blood test gives accurate results 1 month after exposure
www.nhs.uk/conditions/hiv-and-aids/diagnosis/

HIV is rare in straight men in the UK, even rarer to contract through oral sex or kissing, and even rarer still to contract via a razor (unless you started using it immediately she stopped).

However I do think your sister's lifestyle sounds a bit risky - she's putting herself at risk of other diseases besides HIV.

I think you should go to the doctors and discuss it with them. There are post exposure prophylactic medications they could offer you if they feel the risk is high enough.

I once went on a date with a surgeon...and, romantic me, asked him about one of my anxieties...

Long story short, if someone with HIV stabs a syringe into their body and then immediately stabs you with it, the chances of you contracting are 1 in 80. So, that's almost pure direct vein-to-vein contact, and still it's a remote risk. So, saliva and razor? You're ok.

I'm sure they test for hiv and other things when you have your booking bloods.
I think your dh shouldn't be encouraging you to ask your sister to get tested just because you think she's given you hiv. Honestly there's no way you will have caught hiv and I think you should speak to your midwife about the anxiety and she can also calm your fear that you have hiv.

@HashTagLil

If my sister is negative (which she probably is), how the heck would I get it from her? I haven't exposed myself to any other risk.

Perhaps you should read the thread from the woman who has hiv. And learn about how hard it is to deal with scaremongering and people not using basic intelligence to do research and thinking things like you can spread hiv through kissing a gay man who is positive.

Its pretty insulting to your sister, her friend and anyone else who even has hiv.

You could spend 10 minutes on a decent website and find out the facts you need to know.

@10PollyPockets My booking bloods (which were negative) were way before my sister's visit. If I got exposed to HIV, it would have been a long time after that.

Yes you are being hysterical

This is why people who are HIV positive have to feel like such outcasts in life.

Educate yourself, seriously.