or has my Dsis exposed me to HIV risk?

[SinkerSailor]

I'm 4 months pregnant. I suffer from anxiety but I'm not on medication currently, because of the pregnancy. I'm really worried about something my sister has done. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

Firstly, my Dsis recently cheated on her DH with a guy who travels the world for work and who sleeps around a lot. I've sworn not to tell anyone.

Secondly, Dsis also has a close friend who is an HIV-positive gay man. He only got diagnosed recently. Apparently, Dsis and her friend like to kiss each other 'for laughs' when they get drunk. I am aware that kissing is almost zero risk, but apparently there can be a small risk if there are mouth ulcers/gum disease or similar.

Thirdly, Dsis stayed at my house for a week recently. Halfway through her visit I realised she had been using my razor. I may have used it after her, I'm not sure. Apparently a few cases have been recorded of HIV transmission through shared razors.

I got so anxious about this yesterday that I had to speak to DH, but I didn't tell him about the cheating, only kissing the gay guy. We agreed that I would ask Dsis to take an HIV-test, mentioning only that I'm worried for her health.

Today, when I spoke to Dsis, she agreed to take a test. She will probably have to wait six weeks to do this.

However... she also told me that, while they used condoms for PIV, she also had unprotected oral sex with the guy she cheated on her DH with. Now I am even more worried. I have promised Dsis not to tell anyone she has cheated on her DH but if I'm at risk, then my DH is at risk and he needs to know. Or am I being hysterical about this?

Please go easy on me.

I just want to echo what others have said, which is that the chances of anyone being put at risk from HIV under any of the circumstances you've described here are low to none. I agree with PP who said it might be a good idea to speak to your GP about managing your anxiety better during your pregnancy. There will be options for you, and you don't want to go on feeling this way for another five months!

(Also, I know a number of professional musicians and none of them has slept with "hundreds" of people, so don't let this chap's job worry you unduly - yes, I know, easier said than done, but it really truly honestly is almost certainly fine. )

@Paininthestain

Sorry to have offended people. I have done lots of online research and what I have seen is that there is a small risk with kissing if wounds are present, a small risk of oral sex without condom and a small risk of sharing razors.

= A small risk

It’s not a small risk it’s an utterly minuscule risk, honestly. Probably not even measureable

@easterholidays

I'm not assuming that based on his job. That's how Dsis described him. A real man-whore.

HIV is a very fragile virus. Outside the body, exposed on a razor, presumably mixed with water and soap, the risk is absolutely negligible. And that's IF your sister has it, and IF she cut herself, and IF you cut yourself, and IF you even used the same razor in the first place xx

That's how Dsis described him

Ah, I stand corrected. The main point stands, though, which is that you almost certainly aren't at risk and looking into managing your anxiety would be the most fruitful avenue for you right now.

Your sister could have anything from anyone that could cause a risk to you.

And yet you’re focused on HIV.
For a reason, and most likely to do with some bigoted reasons deep down.

At least that’s how it comes across. You can have sex/carry a child and still be at such a low risk that you no longer even have to tell someone you have HIV.

Like I said. Read the informative thread, it’s in ask me anything.

OP there are lots of anti anxiety meds that can be taken in pregnancy. Feeling well in yourself and less anxious is crucial to start your life as a mum in the best state to be confident and look after both of you the best. Those Kinshasa re important and taking meds may be the best choice. Have a chat with GP- but make sure they know the facts too

OK, so I'm being unreasonable. I'm actually very glad to be told this. But I will still get tested, as will Dsis. I'm really glad she's agreed to do it and I feel really bad for making her worry but I'm also glad she's thinking a bit about risks for once. She's been behaving a bit weird lately.

What your sister is doing is irresponsible but I'm sure she is aware of the risks.

But I honestly think that if you wasn't worried about this, there would be something else you was overly anxious about. The benefits of taking medication for your anxiety may be far greater than you being distressed your while pregnancy

OP you should tell your sister that 95% of tests are accurate after 28 days of infection risk. The other 5% need 3 months.

Are not going to have sex with your husband now for 3 months?

Everything else aside, I'm feeling very sorry for your DBIL and all the yukky diseases he may be being exposed to from your DSiS horrid behaviour.

At least that’s how it comes across. You can have sex/carry a child and still be at such a low risk that you no longer even have to tell someone you have HIV.

Thanks for telling someone who's fucking crying with fear that she's an asshole. Thanks.

And yes, what you wrote is true IF YOU ARE BEING TREATED. Dsis friend is completely newly diagnosed and was NOT being treated until very, very recently. And I don't know what other bigoted reasons you think I have but nobody involved is black, if that's what you're getting at.

@CantWaitToRetire

So do I but I have to shut up about this until I die.

Oh love, anxiety is absolutely horrible, so you have my full sympathy.
According to the Swiss AIDS federation:

www.aids.ch/en/faq/protection-risk/no-risk.php

which will hopefully set your mind at rest.

Outside the host HIV is quite unstable so razor id personally not worry about it

She does need to get tested, she may have given the man whore HIV! But it's most likely she's negative ... but she needs to get tested! I'd also be inclined to get her to seek advice about prophylaxis if the man whore is likely to have it

*Yes you are being hysterical

This is why people who are HIV positive have to feel like such outcasts in life.

Educate yourself, seriously.*

This.

Definitely normal to feel more anxiety when pregnant.
Id be worried for her that she seems a bit cavalier about snogging her friend. Is she trying to prove she is so woke. Cool.. v cool. Is it worth the anxiety?
You night be lynched on this thread but anxious thoughts l8ke this went thru my head when i was pregnant, with less cause.

If your Dsis's friend is on HIV medication, it can make the virus undetectable, meaning it's simply not in a big enough quantity in their system to be passed on. It means that someone with HIV isn't at risk of passing it on.

So firstly, Dsis's friend has to have an HIV load to pass on, it actually then has to be passed on via cuts (and even then it can be a small chance), then you need to pick it up via a razor. All looking very unlikely. Your Dsis probably has bigger things to worry about than HIV, mainly other STDs and pregnancy!!!

I would get yourself on the waiting list for mental health treatment for your anxiety and catastrophic thinking, you might be able to take medication even while pregnant. I do similar and it is paralysing at times, but you really must seek help otherwise you could suffer more intense reactions when your baby is here and be at risk of post natal depression. Better to get things moving forward now.

I am an HIV specialist researcher. You are at absolutely no risk of HIV. Even if your sister or her friends actually had HIV, it’s impossible to spread HIV through kissing or sharing razors. I’ve been doing this work a long time and there is literally no known case of either ever occurring in 30+ years. HIV is actually not easy to transmit even under ideal conditions. People with HIV have for years been having sex for natural conception without using condoms and not transmitted it to their partners. I myself have literally had a child with HIV get a nose bleed and bleed all over me before. I’ve lived with friends with HIV, shared plates, drinking glasses, food, etc. Absolutely no risk.

So please don’t worry and also please don’t continue to promote these stigmatising beliefs about HIV. I know people whose family members make them eat off paper plates when they visit because they believe this kind of rubbish. Do, however, get some support for your anxiety because there’s no reason to let this stuff stress you out the way it is.

If your Dsis's friend is on HIV medication, it can make the virus undetectable, meaning it's simply not in a big enough quantity in their system to be passed on. It means that someone with HIV isn't at risk of passing it on.

He was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. They've been fooling around way before that. Apparently his viral load was very, very high when he got the diagnosis.

I don't think it's the actual level of risk that has riled you. It's more like there you are, eating healthy and avoiding soft cheeses, and your sister is shagging some skank and using your razor. It's her lack of concern.

you might be able to take medication even while pregnant

As you can probably tell from this thread - No I couldn't. I would be googling 'damage to foetus' all day long.

@Rattinghat Thanks, that made me laugh.

@mindutopia

Thank you. I'm really sorry I've offended people with this thread. To be honest, I'm not that worried about the friend and the snogging. I relaise the risk is practically non-existent there. It's more the man-whore and the blow job. Not sure if that's still bigoted...