or has my Dsis exposed me to HIV risk?

[SinkerSailor]

I'm 4 months pregnant. I suffer from anxiety but I'm not on medication currently, because of the pregnancy. I'm really worried about something my sister has done. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

Firstly, my Dsis recently cheated on her DH with a guy who travels the world for work and who sleeps around a lot. I've sworn not to tell anyone.

Secondly, Dsis also has a close friend who is an HIV-positive gay man. He only got diagnosed recently. Apparently, Dsis and her friend like to kiss each other 'for laughs' when they get drunk. I am aware that kissing is almost zero risk, but apparently there can be a small risk if there are mouth ulcers/gum disease or similar.

Thirdly, Dsis stayed at my house for a week recently. Halfway through her visit I realised she had been using my razor. I may have used it after her, I'm not sure. Apparently a few cases have been recorded of HIV transmission through shared razors.

I got so anxious about this yesterday that I had to speak to DH, but I didn't tell him about the cheating, only kissing the gay guy. We agreed that I would ask Dsis to take an HIV-test, mentioning only that I'm worried for her health.

Today, when I spoke to Dsis, she agreed to take a test. She will probably have to wait six weeks to do this.

However... she also told me that, while they used condoms for PIV, she also had unprotected oral sex with the guy she cheated on her DH with. Now I am even more worried. I have promised Dsis not to tell anyone she has cheated on her DH but if I'm at risk, then my DH is at risk and he needs to know. Or am I being hysterical about this?

Please go easy on me.

Your DS is at risk of sexually transmitted diseases. HIV is actually very hard to catch. That is why it is hard to catch through vaginal sex.
But I suspect if it was not HIV then it would be something else you would be worried about.
There are various free online courses.resources that might help such as this one.
llttf.com/home/living-life-to-the-full-series/

@quantiestillecanisinfenestra Thanks so much for that link.

Its pretty insulting to your sister

Haha, get over yourself. Her sister has cheated on her DH with some globetrotting gigolo and has sworn her to secrecy.. a person of such loose morals cannot be insulted.

@Sirzy, will they give me anything other than medication? I would be too worried about harming the baby if I took anything. I would like counselling, but the waiting list is usually so long there's no point even asking.

Of course there's a point in asking. I don't mean just while you're pregnant because you're right, by the time it started the baby would probably have been born.

But there's every point in getting yourself on the list because who knows, it might work well enough to enable you to stop the medication.

I'm sorry you've had some rude comments, OP. Some people are a lot ruder behind the safety of a screen. It doesn't mate them right.

I would rethink saying silent to your BIL. Should he eventually catch something from his unfaithful wife you seem like a person who would feel guilty and stress about it.

I am actually pretty worried about Dsis, even if I'm also pissed off at her. But I guess I'm worrying about myself first and once I feel better about that, I will start worrying about her. That's how my anxiety usually works.

Someone asked if I am always anxious. Yes. I have been since I was a child. Quite often manifest as health anxiety as well.

Rattinghat well articulated. Id feel like op in her shoes. All these people saying 'educate yrslf" are supercilious. A minute risk is still a risk.

To be brutally honest your anxiety is a bigger risk than the hiv risk.
Circulating cortisol is not helpful.
I think as you expect your DSis to seek medical attention you should go the same yourself

It might work well enough to enable you to stop the medication

My medication worked AMAZINGLY. I didn't get anxious at all whilst I was on it. I'm going straight back on it after breastfeeding.

Thanks so much everyone who has been supportive. I feel better, I really do.

My medication worked AMAZINGLY. I didn't get anxious at all whilst I was on it. I'm going straight back on it after breastfeeding.

I think you misunderstood me.

I know your medication works, but therapy might work well enough to get you off the medication.

It's just a thought. It's always worth asking your DR to refer you.

I am not sure of the exact incidence of spreading HIV through razors, but I would imagine it's a very minimal risk.

Let's take, as an example, a needle-stick injury. IIRC, from my nursing textbook, they cited the risk of getting HIV from a needle-stick to about 0.1%, or 1 in 1000. I was told by another nurse that let's say you have a patient who is Hep C positive, you're giving them an injection, and the needle accidentally falls to the floor and you don't notice it. (Obviously that would be rare, but for the sake of argument, let's say it happened.) A week later, you step on that needle and get a needle-stick. On the same day, you're giving an injection to a patient who has HIV. Right after giving the injection, you stick yourself with the needle. You are actually at a greater risk of getting Hep C from that week-old needle than you are of getting HIV from the fresh needle.

You can’t go twelve months or more struggling though, seek help. It may take time, or they may be able to point you in the area for charities who can support in the meantime. But if they don’t know your struggling then they can’t help.

Did you talk to anyone before coming off the meds?

You need to tell BIL!!!! Stop worrying about your minute chance of catching it from a razor when he's presumably open to all sorts of STIs (& HIV) from her shitty behaviour.

@WorraLiberty

Maybe it's better not to need meds, but I'm pretty happy to be on mine for the rest of my life, tbh. I've tried therapy before and I now know why I'm like this. That doesn't help me change.

This is DC3 so I won't be getting pregnant again.

@RangeRider

She's told me she's not doing it anymore. I can't blow her life apart like that. And she is getting tested.

@Sirzy

GP helped me come off meds. I told midwife about my anxiety. She said she will make a note in my records, but unless I want to go back on meds, she will not refer to anyone.

The chances of this man having HIV are slim, he may sleep with a lot of people but he used a condom with your sister so the chances are he uses condoms with most people.

They used a condom and so even if he had it the chances of your sister catching it are very slim. I believe the risk of catching HIV through oral sex are minimal as well.

Then passing it on through a razor is extremely unlikely unless you both cut you self badly.

So miniscule risk X miniscule risk x miniscule risk = negligible, we're talking one in millions.

There is no harm in asking for a test when you're next getting bloods though to put your mind at rest. And your sister is too.

Please speak to your doctor and ask to be put on waiting list for counselling though as when you have the baby it may get worse as it's quite easy to obsess over their health as well

"She's been behaving a bit weird lately."

Oh the irony.

I was cheated on by my DP whilst I was pregnant. He did expose me to health risks, and I got tested two years later when I found out.

Firstly, logically you are so low risk it’s minute. You’d be as at risk as any other Joe Bloggs, and I’ve worked in this area.

However I do understand your anxiety. It might be really good to get tested to reassure you. They are lovely, very nice clinics. Also, you will get monitored whilst pregnant so if you want you could always share your concerns with the midwife or GP. They will be very happy to talk you through, and it’s so much better than burying this. Anxiety is horrible, I have it. The health anxiety changes with each new thought of my own. Good to say this now, you might carry this through to thr baby and honestly there’s a lot of practical stuff you can do to manage this well. So many of us suffer from it! You’ll be fine.

Lastly, what an annoying Dsis! I would be furious. Her poor DH. I’d probably just tell him and I’d hide my razors.

I think you need to have a serious chat with the sister though. Swearing you to secrecy about her affair is putting you under stress, totally apart from the disease worries. As she KNOWS you suffer from anxiety, she shouldn't be so selfish as to foist her stupid dramas on you. It's also unfair because you know and have to face her husband. And why is she telling you about stupid stuff she does on her drunken nights out, and her friend's diagnosis? She should be protecting you from all unnecessary stress. Not only would I have a severe work, or get your husband to give her a bollocking, I would severely cut down contact with her until the baby arrives.

*word

@TatterdemalionAspie

Yeah, I am weird. But you clearly enjoy kicking someone when they're down. Cruelty is not a great personality trait either and at least I am normally medicated for mine.

I agree with Rattinghat

Also I can't believe she had unprotected sex with someone she describes as a whore.