To not want my MIL to get ready with me at my wedding?

[Falalalala230]

Speaking to DP auntie today who asked me if my MIL (her sister) was getting her hair and make up done along with me, my bridesmaids, flower girls and mum...

I said that I never really thought about it. I’ve not heard of a grooms mum getting ready with the bride and we are getting married in the city we live in so not as if she wouldn’t be able to arrange it herself

She was then abit awkward with me saying I should ask her..

1. There are 9 people getting hair done and 6 getting make up done so it will be manic
2. She hasn’t even been excited about the wedding, never asks questions and when it’s brought up she looks extremely uninterested

Aibu to not have asked??

I asked mil because she was dropping off dh's sister who was a bridesmaid but she refused. It was different circumstances as I only had one bridesmaid and I knew her very well having been maid of honour at her remarriage 2 years prior.

Surely it's a special time for the bride and her family and the groom with his?

I wouldn't mix the rwo at that point.

I've never heard of the groom's mother getting ready with the bride. Surely she'd want to be with her son.

When my brother got married we had a nice family breakfast, got ready, had photos taken by the best man, opened a bottle of champagne then all travelled to the church together. There's no way you'd have got my Mum getting ready with my SIL and her family

No it’s not a thing. The MIL should be with her son, not the bride. And also, it’s not really any of the aunt’s business.

A little off topic, but I'd be getting a 2nd hairdresser . One person to do 9 hairdo's sounds crazy. She might like the idea of all that money , but you'll regret it if she ends up not being able to complete all the hair . I had one lady to do four of us and she was stressed doing that many.

Time runs out and then somebody ends up disappointed.

I don't see it as a being a problem if she gets ready with you BUT I agree with PP that MoTG would likely want to be with her child and helping him get ready, making sure he is looking perfectly polished and ready for the big day :-)

I'm sorry but I couldn't think of anything worse It clearly depends on your relationship. Surely she will want to be fussing over her son?

My soon to be MIL also has very little interest in our wedding. I count this as a blessing really, as at least we don't have to listen to her opinion on everything

“his mum was making bacon rolls and keeping herself busy.”

Yes, the proper role for MILs and other women

OK, so you are already living long term with your DP so him leaving from the groom’s side (his Mum’s? ) may not be happening?

Is she still married to his Dad? Or have a partner? If not she probably feels very isolated if DP will not be leaving from her house and she has no one to go with.

You could do it on a ‘bride’s side ‘ basis, or you could do it on a ‘women get ready together ‘ basis.

Don’t make a mean decision.

I agree with Birdie about the hairdresser . It won’t work and the little ones will get left out and be upset.

If you don’t believe me, go for a trial and see how long it takes .

My 12 year old was a bridesmaid a few years ago , she really wanted a ‘hair up’ to be like the bride and “ grown up” bridesmaid.

Hairdresser was supposed to do those 3 hair ups and 3 blow drys on the morning . Bride wouldn’t listen when I told her it wasn’t enough time. So I agreed I’d arrange for DD to have her hair done at our hotel.

The night before the wedding, the hairdresser ( for bridal party ) pulled out, saying that she couldn’t do the 5 in the time allocated ( I think it was 2 hours ).

Fortunately I had already arranged for a hairdresser to come to our hotel and do DD , because I knew she would be left to the end as the only child. And all she really wanted was to have hair up and false nails so I made sure she got them .

Marriage lasted weeks , but that’s another story.

Maybe suggest your DP treats her to a makeup/hairdresser at their house? And suggest he'd prefer to have her there to make sure his tie is straight and he's removed the price tag from the sole of his shoe.

I don’t have any doubts with my 1 hairdresser. She specialises in hair put ups and that’s all she does. She has done 200+ weddings and has won multiple awards so 9 peoples hair doesn’t bother me (3 is flower girls which won’t take as long as the rest either)

Someone mentioned the hair not staying in place if it’s done too early... it won’t stay in place if a rubbish hairdresser does it, but if it’s someone good then trust me the hair will stay in. I’ve had put ups done many times

We went to the hairdressers in the city (25 miles away) isn’t wh morning, and then everyone else disappeared leaving me to do my own makeup and get myself dressed alone on my wedding day. I remember calling my bridesmaid to zip up my dress - but I was pretty much abandoned while they all went about getting themselves organized and took forever (so I was waiting for them to go and was subsequently late myself as a result!).

DMIL was nowhere around - she was sensibly rounding up her brood and getting them
Organized to be where they needed to be- on time!

Op knows better!

Unless you are getting married around 4/5pm then 9 is too many for one hairdresser. Award winning or not

Sheswhat - We will agree to disagree

I know a few Mil who have gotten make up and hair done with the bride. I would at least offer for her to come around for breakfast/ bubbly?

I had two hairdressers/make up people for the 8 women getting ready on my day. They started about 8am and it took them about 3 1/2 hours maybe 4.

And I didn't invite MIL, despite her having two sons and no daughters of her own. She's old and frail and doesn't do hairstyling or make up or even dressing up for occasions. She wore her short hair in the usual way and had some comfy trousers, a shirt and a cardigan on. She did get a corsage though. And didn't seem fazed that I hadn't asked her to be part of my preparations. TBH, she's old enough that having to spend time in the not massive room with the rest of us, all bouncing off each other and having a laugh, wouldn't have been her cup of tea. She's a quiet soul!

I got ready at my MIL's hotel room as we weren't staying at the hotel. It was nice of her to offer but then she complained about how much I paid the hair and makeup woman (in front of the woman!) and told me my tummy showed in my dress (I think this was supposed to be helpful as she also offered to lend me her control knickers eek!). She is from a "more direct" culture...

Should have got ready at home instead!

My only 'bridezilla' moment was not when my MIL came to the room to get her hair done, but when a friend who couldn't get into her own room came to get dressed in ours.

I was a bit short with her I'm afraid, but that was my only real show of nerves - I wanted control over who I saw for the morning, people who would relax me and I'd have fun with. Some people just aren't as relaxing/reassuring to be around, whatever other qualities they have. The people you spend time with on the morning are quite important in that respect.

Some of the responses on here are quite bizarre. By all means if it's not for you don't have her OP but the posters saying things along the lines of 'put your foot down don't set a precedent' are a bit depressing. You really think letting your MIL-to-be be be one of the girls for the morning is ceding 'control' in some way?

Personally i don't see what tradition has to do with it. She's not asking to walk you down the aisle or to have the first dance with your husband. It would just be a nice thing to let her do to keep the peace and show willing.

@Falalalala230 we will. Until your wedding day when you flap cause there's no time. Or the poor little flower girls don't get theirs done.

And yes. It would be nice to invite your mil as she obviously would like it and you have a house full anyway. One more won't make a difference to you but would make a big difference to your mil

We had one hairdresser to 6. The bride was last and hers was the least well done.

And that was a wedding hairdresser too.

Some of the responses on here are quite bizarre. By all means if it's not for you don't have her OP but the posters saying things along the lines of 'put your foot down don't set a precedent' are a bit depressing. You really think letting your MIL-to-be be be one of the girls for the morning is ceding 'control' in some way?

I agree. As a single parent to one DS, I would hope that if he chooses to marry in the future, that my future DIL/SIL doesn't see me as someone that needs to be stomped down on. I will likely be the Mother of the Groom that is at home getting dressed alone on his wedding day, so an invite from the bride would be lovely, although probably unexpected.

I grew up in a family where there was no 'wife's side' and 'husband's side'. It was just family, and everyone was a part of each others celebrations.

I dont think there's a right or wrong, it's whatever you feel comfortable with. For me when I get married I would rather my MIL than my mother as our relationship is stronger. So it's what works for you. This is YOUR wedding day, so you do what YOU want. Put your foot down OP!

My MIL did not get ready with me. She had a large family with her and a house full of guests for the wedding. It wasn’t a problem and I don’t think she expected or wanted to be with me. If circumstances had been different, if she was alone with no other family around her for example, then I would like to think I would have invited her to be with us.

oh come on it's your day! It doesnt matter what is normal. Preparing for the wedding is nerve wracking - just take the time with the people you care about.