Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Forgotten birthday

64 replies

itbemay · 02/12/2018 16:52

There's a group of 6 friends of which I am one of, known each other years all go on holiday once a year and have regular nights out.
On birthdays we all buy each other a gift or vouchers up to the value of £20. This year one of the group forgot my birthday even though we have a group chat and there were a few birthday comments. I didn't mention it, friend who forgot has been busy etc, she's recently bought a new car.
A week later friend text me saying she was embarrassed she had forgotten etc and I agreed to visit her 3 days later to see new car. I took flowers and a cake for us to share, whilst there friend got £20 out of purse and gave it to me for my birthday, seemed remorseful etc. I accepted and said not to worry we're all busy I understand.
The other girls in the group think it's rude and tbh I also feel a bit upset that she didn't even get me flowers or a belated card, although at the time I said it's fine don't worry but she had time as knew I was coming etc. Would I be unreasonable to mention to her that I thought it a bit lazy or am i making a big deal of nothing?

OP posts:
cakesandphotos · 02/12/2018 16:59

YABU. £20 is generous. My old school friends and I don’t buy each other anything. You’re an adult, behave like one

Jaxtellerswife · 02/12/2018 17:00

Big deal of nothing.

Arrowfanatic · 02/12/2018 17:02

You're being a bit precious and yabu.

My old school friends and I have been mates for 35 years and we still don't give each other gifts let alone £20 each Shock

We may go out for a meal, but each pay for our own. Honestly, grow up OP and your other friends need to grow up as well.

Amanduh · 02/12/2018 17:03

She gave you £20 and you think she’s rude?
Okz

Blanchedupetitpois · 02/12/2018 17:04

Big deal of nothing. She said sorry and made it up to you. You would be rude to keep harping on about it.

bastardkitty · 02/12/2018 17:05

I think it's rude to give cash when the agreement you all have is that you each give a gift.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 02/12/2018 17:07

Not a big deal, she apologised and gave you £20. I think it would be polite of you to graciously accept her apology and move on.

LucieMorningstar · 02/12/2018 17:10

I wouldn’t even consider putting my friend in a position where she felt the need to apologise or “feel remorseful”. I’d hate to have you as a friend. I also wouldn’t put my friend in a position where she’d feel obliged to give me 20 quid out of her purse.

Your post is nasty op.

Original poster
itbemay · 02/12/2018 17:11

@LucieMorningstar how did I put her in a position? It's what we all do for each other every year! Your response is nasty

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 02/12/2018 17:11

Actually I can kind of see your point. It’s not so much the value of the gift but the complete lack of thought to just hand you £20 from her purse, not even in a card. I probably wouldn’t mention it but I would be a bit hurt

Original poster
itbemay · 02/12/2018 17:14

@Gizlotsmum that's my point thank you.

Yes I am an adult and I'm grand scheme of things it really isn't a huge deal except on her birthday I always make an effort, as I do with my other friends.

Thanks for your replies all except @LucieMorningstar you're just rude Smile

OP posts:
Talith · 02/12/2018 17:19

Maybe she couldn't afford it. Perhaps this arrangement has run its course? I think you were wrong to take money from her purse, as an adult, for your birthday. I hate it when my kids shake a card out for the money that might be in there, which is essentially what you did. Very grabby.

theymademejoin · 02/12/2018 17:20

I agree with you. I think giving cash to friends as a present is a bit rude. You presumably don't need the £20 so giving it to you is basically saying I couldn't be arsed getting you a card or present but I feel obliged to give you something.

Original poster
itbemay · 02/12/2018 17:22

@Talith she can afford it. I didn't ask for the money or even mention my birthday I was excited to see her new car and have tea and cake with her, she gave it to me. It's not grabby at all when there's a group agreement and she had asked for vouchers a few months previous to buy a coat, which we all did.

OP posts:
Original poster
itbemay · 02/12/2018 17:22

@theymademejoin that's how I feel, lack of effort on her part.

OP posts:
WinterfellWench · 02/12/2018 17:25

WOW, glad you're not my 'friend!' Hmm

You sound like bloody hard work - AND entitled!

LucieMorningstar · 02/12/2018 17:25

I think have just told her, you know what I still love you but I don’t need you to buy anything or offer me money. At the end of the day, the most important thing is she’s your friend.

Original poster
itbemay · 02/12/2018 17:28

@LucieMorningstar I DID say not to worry...

@WinterfellWench yes I agree I'm glad I'm not your friend too!

This is nothing to do with the gift or lack of it, it's the fact that she couldn't be bothered to make a small effort knowing she had forgot.

I ABU to mention it to her, and I won't as pp said it's no biggie and I do love her it's just hurtful

OP posts:
Secretsquirrel101 · 02/12/2018 17:31

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to even be slightly bothered about. Cash or voucher it’s all the same. People forget things sometimes, she doesn’t need to bloody grovel! The rest of your friends just sound like they love a good bitch and drama, it’s not even slightly any of their business.

LucieMorningstar · 02/12/2018 17:32

You told her not to worry but still took her money....

HazelBite · 02/12/2018 17:34

Op its my birthday today. DH forgot until 11.30 am when he rushed off, ds2 has forgotten completely whilst all the other ds's remembered. I'm not going to get upset about ds2 forgetting, cos we've all done similar in the past.
She made it up to you whats the problem?

FissionChips · 02/12/2018 17:39

You are being completely ridiculous. I can’t believe a grown woman is acting like you are, wth is wrong with you? Are you 13? Grow up.

bastardkitty · 02/12/2018 17:45

Oh yes, this is Mumsnet. Time for some olympic 'I don't care at all about my birthday' Top Trumps. Such bollocks. I have a group of friends and we meet for birthdays and do gifts. It's not about spending a certain amount of money. It wouldn't matter if someone forgot a gift or said they'd bring it next time. But we would never offer cash. Money isn't the point. It's about friendship. But I don't suppose that will stop a further massive pile on of posters saying the OP is 'precious', 'hard work' , 'needy' or a 'princess'.

theymademejoin · 02/12/2018 17:48

She made it up to you whats the problem?

But she hasn't made it up to her. She handed her some cash. Making it up to her would have been buying a card and a small gift. Basically, putting a bit of thought and effort in.

I know I would much prefer nothing to a friend handing me some money out of their purse.

Prisonbreak · 02/12/2018 17:52

You bought your friend flowers because she bought a new car? ..... is this a thing?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread