Forgotten birthday

[itbemay]

There's a group of 6 friends of which I am one of, known each other years all go on holiday once a year and have regular nights out.
On birthdays we all buy each other a gift or vouchers up to the value of £20. This year one of the group forgot my birthday even though we have a group chat and there were a few birthday comments. I didn't mention it, friend who forgot has been busy etc, she's recently bought a new car.
A week later friend text me saying she was embarrassed she had forgotten etc and I agreed to visit her 3 days later to see new car. I took flowers and a cake for us to share, whilst there friend got £20 out of purse and gave it to me for my birthday, seemed remorseful etc. I accepted and said not to worry we're all busy I understand.
The other girls in the group think it's rude and tbh I also feel a bit upset that she didn't even get me flowers or a belated card, although at the time I said it's fine don't worry but she had time as knew I was coming etc. Would I be unreasonable to mention to her that I thought it a bit lazy or am i making a big deal of nothing?

But she hasn't made it up to her. She handed her some cash. Making it up to her would have been buying a card and a small gift. Basically, putting a bit of thought and effort in

The op wanted flowers and chocolates, those must be the least thoughtful gifts of all.

It's about friendship

Yup, and the op is proving that friendship to her means little more that getting gifts from other people . If op was a true friend she would not be bothered, it not like her friend acted maliciously.

@bastardkitty @theymademejoin thank you

@FissionChips are you ok?

Op I think yabu
People are busy, I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose
She could have something going on that you don't know about
I think you sound a bit precious.

You all sound insufferable.I can't believe you accepted that money she just got you out of her purse, like it was money owed to you.

@Prisonbreak no it's not a thing, although it could be! New car = have some flowers!

I’m fine , I’m not the one starting threads and getting all upset because a friend dared to give money instead of a card.

Would I be unreasonable to mention to her that I thought it a bit lazy or am i making a big deal of nothing?

Yes, You would be. Very.

itbe

You are being really, really unpleasant to anyone who expresses disagreement.

I’m wondering if that’s just an online thing or if that’s your personality in RL.

Why did you take her flowers, but are now complaining ?

Does she want to scale back all this unwanted gift giving, but doesn't know how to say it?

@lovetherisingsun I didn't just take the money! I said don't worry it's fine etc but she insisted, it was awkward.

Plus, I can’t imagine a friend trying to give me cash in that situation and my response being anything other than “don’t be so daft! Put it away!”

I can see why you are upset that she just gave you cash and didn't get a card; not much thought went into it...

But why would you mention it now? It's happened, the time to bring it up was when she offered the cash, if you were going to. Bringing it up now will look odd; and make it seem like you've really brooded over this.

In the grand scheme of things she did acknowledge your birthday and you feel she was genuine about forgetting it; so let it go for this year.

@SmileEachDay I'm not being unpleasant I'm responding to the rude replies! I know this is AIBU but am I expected to agree with the rude responses? I've asked for some advice and have been given some really good, nice responses. I've already said that IABU and won't mention lack of thought to friend. I won't mention it to her but I am allowed to hurt or not?

@AnchorDownDeepBreath totally agree, and I think that's why I feel even worse as I should have said something at the time and didn't. Thanks

It was probably awkward because she knew she had to give you money, sensed you were funny/upset/felt she was rude about the fact you hadn't been given your cash.

I'm not being unpleasant
Yeah you are. In a passive aggressive sort of way, but that’s no less unpleasant.

Are you allowed “to hurt” - if it was that much of a biggie why didn’t you just call your good friend at the time and tell her how you felt? Why the secret discussions with other friends? Why not just say “yeah you forgot, you daftie, don’t do it again”

It’s just a bit teenage.

It's just a bit teenage

That's a good point. You do all sound quite young. Most adults grow out of this kind of awful teen drama by their 30s because they have the life experience by that point to not be so hurt by a friend forgetting a birthday by a week...please tell me you;re not all in your 30s or older :/

I seem to be reading a different post to some of you. The forgetting of the birthday would not be an issue to me and doesn't seem to be the issue for the op. However, handing me £20 because you forgot my birthday is at best thoughtless and dismissive.

That said, I do agree it would be best not to mention it.

Wow. How old are you all?
Tbh I’m stunned you would think much at all other than ‘oh friend b forgot she must be busy’ and move on.
To take the cash?! I’m embarrassed for you.

And to want to later contact her to point out you think she’s off for forgetting? I’m not sure how to explain how I feel about this.

Suffice to say I am so relieved I am not in your friendship group as it must be exhausting.

@theymademejoin that's my point. I'm upset about the lack of thought.

But it's fine I've heard all the comments and I won't mention it to friend, I should have said something at the time & I'll get over it!

Why are people being so horrible to the OP?

I agree with theymademejoinin. It's not rocket science - the woman forgot, then had a few more days to get a card or some token and still did nothing. Handing someone £20 out of her purse was pretty gross.

The OP tried to refuse it. Awkward situation.

I get you OP. But I wouldn't say anything either. Just hope she doesn't do it to anyone else next time.

Yes there is a lack of thought from your friend considering the usual set up for Birthdays. So she is a bit U.

I also find it bizarre that you accepted the cash though.. I would have rejected it. So imo you're U too.

I'm sure it won't happen again next year.

Ah sorry I see you tried to refuse it and it became awkward.

I doubt it will happen again though.

I should have said something at the time

No you shouldn’t have. She gave you £20 to treat yourself with, and apologised for forgetting your birthday. She’s done nothing wrong since the initial ‘forgetting’, and that could easily happen to anyone. There was/is nothing to confront her over. It’s not that your birthday is insignificant, but it’s certainly not worth this level of fuss or discussion after the fact.