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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum had ago at my 3 year old over a clumsy accident

71 replies

SingleMotherwithaPrincess · 02/12/2018 16:31

At my mums for lunch with 3 year old DD.

After lunch DD took the plates into the kitchen to help my mum. However with the last plate my DD lost her footing and tripped over, dropping and breaking the plate as she went.

DD was upset she’d broken the plate and my mum came in from the kitchen saw the broken plate and screamed at her “you need to be more f*ing careful” “You can’t go around breaking things like that” “You need to fucking learn to walk properly” amongst other swear words. I did tell her to calm down, it was an accident, DD wouldn’t deliberately break something and I’d pay for a replacement.

She then ranted at me that I needed to be a more responsible parent and that I needed to start taking responsibility for my own child.

I am 26 years old, single mother. Hold down a part time job, and DD attends Nursery. She loves Nursery and the staff tell me she’s lovely, well behaved and polite. Like most children she has her moments and does need reminding to say please and thank you but she’s 3 so nothing out of the ordinary. She doesn’t swear, she’s mostly potty trained (has SN so hasn’t completely got it) and she is generally lovely.

This is also out of character for my mum who’s usually pretty laid back and adores my DD. I left pretty quickly, not had a text or a phonecall to apologise from her. DD is fine, a bit confused as to why Nanny shouted but seems ok.

Not sure what I want from this, it’s probably just a rant.

OP posts:
olivertwistwantsmore · 02/12/2018 16:34

If my mum spoke like that to my dd, she wouldn’t see her again for a long time. Vile.

lalalalyra · 02/12/2018 16:35

If it's out of character for her I'd be concerned.

If it's not out of character I would be cutting down the time she spent with DD.

What's your gut instinct telling you? Is there anything else going on with your Mum at the moment?

Bambamber · 02/12/2018 16:35

If it's out of character for your mum I would be wondering if she has some stuff going on that is really affecting her. Although that of course does not excuse her behaviour in any way

nippey · 02/12/2018 16:35

Your poor DD! That seems like a massive overreaction, and if it is out of character, I’d send her a message asking if she was ok.

twoshedsjackson · 02/12/2018 16:37

Wait for the phone call. When it comes, ask "Oh hello, did you ring up to apologise?"
With any luck, the answer will be "yes", especially as it's out of character........

Original poster
SingleMotherwithaPrincess · 02/12/2018 16:37

It is out of character she's usually pretty laid back

OP posts:
BalloonDinosaur · 02/12/2018 16:37

Your DM smashed out the F word (and more) at your 3yr old for accidentally breaking a plate?! Shock

Completely out of order, I'd be making it very clear that if she ever did that again she wouldn't be seeing DD for some time.

Hope your DD is ok Thanks

LilMy33 · 02/12/2018 16:38

The only appropriate response to someone screaming and swearing at your 3 year old child is to leave that person’s house with said child and not have anything more to do with them unless they offer a grovelling apology.

I certainly wouldn’t have been offering to replace the sodding plate! Hope your DD is ok.

Cranky17 · 02/12/2018 16:38

How out of character is it? I’d be concerned she was ill but
Gosh poor yountyats awlful...your age, singleness and job have no bearing on how people should talk to each other particularg childen.

I think I’d steer clear for a very long time

SmallDalek · 02/12/2018 16:38

Oh wow. Like others have said I wonder what’s going on. Is DD ok? Must have been very upsetting for her when she was trying her best to help.

Wellonlyifihaveto · 02/12/2018 16:38

I would be expecting an apology! Screaming obscenities at her 3yr old gd is not on in my book😡my mother wouldn’t dream of talking to her gcs like that, I’d wait for her to contact me first

Cauliflowersqueeze · 02/12/2018 16:38

I’d never go back there. Honestly. She screams and offensively swears at your 3 year old and then at you? How terrifying.

ItIsChristmasTime · 02/12/2018 16:39

Wow, she wouldn’t be seeing my child again after that.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 02/12/2018 16:40

Yes I’d be wondering what’s wrong with your mum if it’s out of character for her to speak like that. If it was in character I wouldn’t have any relationship with her.

Original poster
SingleMotherwithaPrincess · 02/12/2018 16:41

It's very out of character. DD didn't quite make it to the toilet a few weeks ago while at my mums and mum just shrugged it off saying accidents happen which was the response I was expecting.

OP posts:
Workreturner · 02/12/2018 16:42

Op

I kid you not

On the basis of what you ever described, that woman (your mother) would not have anything more to do with my daughter. And not would I for that matter.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 02/12/2018 16:43

In that case I’d be worried about your mums physical/mental health. Have a chat with her and just say you were very surprised at how she spoke to you as she’s usually so caring and see if she opens up. She needs to apologise to your dd as well imo.

skyesayshi · 02/12/2018 16:43

That is disgraceful, accidents happen especially if you let a child that age carry a plate. She should have taken it from her if she felt she shouldn't have it. To scream and swear at her is unforgivable.

You did the right thing by leaving quickly. If she doesn't apologise with a very good explanation and a promise that it won't happen again, then things could be awkward. You certainly won't be able to leave your child with her unattended will you? as you can't trust her behaviour.

notapizzaeater · 02/12/2018 16:44

Is she under a lot of stress ? Even so there's no need to swear at a toddler helping. Shocking she's not texted to apologise ? Did you leave straight away, I would have

CrabbyPatty · 02/12/2018 16:46

This wasn't just a 'telling off' swearing at a child like that is emotionally abusive. Its strange that its out of character, and maybe an outpouring of other issues, however, its still inexcusable. I would still take a sensitive approach personally and broach it with DM and ask what on Earth happened and is there anything on her mind, but also make it clear it can't happen again.

Holstenlane · 02/12/2018 16:47

She must know that her language, and volume, were not appropriate. If you're not relying on her for childcare or anything then I'd leave her to get in touch first. Don't approach her.

steff13 · 02/12/2018 16:49

If it's that out of character, I would be concerned there's something affecting her mentally.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2018 16:51

What your mother said was absolutely horrible, however, my first thought was wondering if she's going through menopause/peri-menopause and doesn't realise it. Out of character, emotional outbursts can be a symptom.

Whatever the reason, she is responsible for what she said and I wouldn't be hurrying back anytime soon.

lalalalyra · 02/12/2018 16:51

It's very out of character. DD didn't quite make it to the toilet a few weeks ago while at my mums and mum just shrugged it off saying accidents happen which was the response I was expecting.

That would make me really quite concerned about your Mum.

Do you have any other family who could check on her? Anyone that she's more likely to confide in if something is wrong?

53rdWay · 02/12/2018 16:53

How out of character is it exactly? You say she’s normally laid back but when something does happen that she’s upset/angry about is it like her at all to shout and swear at a small child? Did she ever do that to you/siblings?

If it’s really nothing like her then I would as others have said be getting concerned about her health.