Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Mum had ago at my 3 year old over a clumsy accident

71 replies

SingleMotherwithaPrincess · 02/12/2018 16:31

At my mums for lunch with 3 year old DD.

After lunch DD took the plates into the kitchen to help my mum. However with the last plate my DD lost her footing and tripped over, dropping and breaking the plate as she went.

DD was upset she’d broken the plate and my mum came in from the kitchen saw the broken plate and screamed at her “you need to be more f*ing careful” “You can’t go around breaking things like that” “You need to fucking learn to walk properly” amongst other swear words. I did tell her to calm down, it was an accident, DD wouldn’t deliberately break something and I’d pay for a replacement.

She then ranted at me that I needed to be a more responsible parent and that I needed to start taking responsibility for my own child.

I am 26 years old, single mother. Hold down a part time job, and DD attends Nursery. She loves Nursery and the staff tell me she’s lovely, well behaved and polite. Like most children she has her moments and does need reminding to say please and thank you but she’s 3 so nothing out of the ordinary. She doesn’t swear, she’s mostly potty trained (has SN so hasn’t completely got it) and she is generally lovely.

This is also out of character for my mum who’s usually pretty laid back and adores my DD. I left pretty quickly, not had a text or a phonecall to apologise from her. DD is fine, a bit confused as to why Nanny shouted but seems ok.

Not sure what I want from this, it’s probably just a rant.

OP posts:

Orchidflower1 · 02/12/2018 16:53

It’s sad if there are other things going on and this is the final straw. HOWEVER, this is still NOT a suitable way to communicate with any small child let alone a family child. Is your dm cross with you for something and venting on your dd? Is she poorly? Is your df at home? I would give it a good few days and expect a grovelling appology and explanation. If nothing is forthcoming within a week or so is there a family member you can contact and explain the situation to and say you still need an apology but you’re concerned re dm health?

3WildOnes · 02/12/2018 16:54

How did she talk to you when you were a child.
If this was my mum it would be so out of character and I would be terribly concerned that was having some sort of break down to behave like that. I’ve never heard my mum swear at anyone so I would send her a message asking if everything is ok.

choccyp1g · 02/12/2018 16:54

If a 3yo fell and broke a plate in my house, I'd be more worried about the child, checking her hands weren't cut, sweeping up the pieces etc.
Sounds like you mum must be stressed or ill.

Original poster

SingleMotherwithaPrincess · 02/12/2018 16:55

She's been through the menopause about 10 years ago, (she's in her late 50s).

I left as soon as I could.

I don't rely on her for Childcare thankfully, DD is settled at Nursery 3 days a week.

OP posts:

Original poster

SingleMotherwithaPrincess · 02/12/2018 16:57

Her and my dad split 5 years ago. They're still good friends.

She lives with my Dbro so I can find out how she is through him.

Very out of character for her, she rarely shouted at us as children/teens and usually that was after repeated warnings not to do something and shouting was the final straw.

OP posts:

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 02/12/2018 16:58

If it was out of character I would be very concerned for my mum's health. I wouldn't be cutting contact based on one episode alone.

Wordthe · 02/12/2018 16:58

I would contact her and call her out on it

DishingOutDone · 02/12/2018 16:59

Well maybe there is something wrong, but there's even more wrong now. Don't expose your DD to this behaviour and make sure your mum apologises. If you'd done that then everyone on here would be telling you exactly what a shit parent you are.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 02/12/2018 17:05

My Dad once shouted at DS for being loud, we left straight away and limited their contact with each other for a while. It was the beginning of a decline into delirium that got quite bad until it was discovered to be a drug interaction (he was on lots of different things as he had several serious health problems). After some of his medication was changed, he turned back into Dad again.

Is it possible that your Mum has a urinary tract infection, or is coming down with a virus or something like that which has made her irritable and intolerant?

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 02/12/2018 17:05

Like PP if this was the kind of thing you expect from your mum I'd be massively reducing contact between DD and my mum. I'd tell my mum why and make it very clear that isn't an acceptable way to talk to a 3 year old.

If this is completely out of character I'd probably contact her, say that I noticed she had a very strong, out of character reaction and ask her if she's particularly stressed.

Jaxhog · 02/12/2018 17:06

Your poor DD! That seems like a massive overreaction, and if it is out of character, I’d send her a message asking if she was ok.

This.

roundaboutthetown · 02/12/2018 17:07

That's bizarre behaviour for a normally fairly laid back grandmother who rarely swears. Totally and utterly inappropriate to swear at her 3-year old grandchild like that. I would definitely speak to your dbro to find out if she has done anything else odd and out of character, recently.

DaphneDiligaf · 02/12/2018 17:14

Your poor daughter. But have to say you were both unreasonable letting a three year old carry a breakable plate.

woollyheart · 02/12/2018 17:16

It does seem unusual if she usually dorsnz't swear and is laid back.

Is it worth checking with her whether there is a problem because she was behaving unusually.

But also bear in mind that the person can be laid back about some aspects of life and not others. My children certainly tuned into that - if an incident involved damage to household objects they came to me, because he got more upset than I did. If it involved treating someone badly, they would go to him because I would not be willing to shrug it off.

kateandme · 02/12/2018 17:16

this is nothing to do with how or who your daughter is or how you bring her up(she sounds lovely by the way and you a great mum) this was a bloody accident she tripped and broke a plate.anyone can do this from the queen to a dog ffgs.the word here being accident.
and actually even if she had been being silly juggling with them(which is what ours 3 year old would be more likely to be doing with nannys plate than helping clear away ha!) it doesn't get that swearing shouting at a 3 year old.
id either wait.or not being able to do that id phone and say "mum what happened today."

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 02/12/2018 17:16

I cant imagine any excuse for shouting at a small child like this

Whatever is going on in mothers life, she needs to handle it.

Id stay away for a long time. There is no way on earth I would allow this to happen again and I think you should tell her so OP, mother is an adult and should be able to deal with life without taking her shit out on a small child

FourRustedHorses · 02/12/2018 17:18

if she shouted at you as kids then its not out of character. I'd be more concerned as to why its come out now though.

my mother was very nice and comforting to toddlers but as soon as kids look and behave more like adults walking talking etc than babies who are very needy and more 'deserving' of attention and encouragement a switch would flip and she'd just be vile.

PepsiLola · 02/12/2018 17:18

You need to be a more responsible parent???

Excuse me, I have a 5yo who I have to rant at to take his plates to the kitchen! You sound like an amazing mum to your DD! What lovely manners cleaning the table!

Original poster

SingleMotherwithaPrincess · 02/12/2018 17:23

What lovely manners cleaning the table!

If only I could get her to do it at home...

OP posts:

MissRhubarb · 02/12/2018 17:27

When something similar happened in our family it turned out it was a symptom of something serious going on medically with my MIL. I would try and talk to her about what she thinks happened today. If she can't explain it or perhaps even doesn't remember it properly, try and get her to see her GP to check things over.

AJPTaylor · 02/12/2018 17:28

I would contact your mum saying how surprised You were at her reaction and would she like to meet up for a chat?
Something is going on.

TheBouquets · 02/12/2018 17:30

It is unfortunate that your DD fell and broke a plate and also unfortunate that your DD had a bathroom accident at your mother's house recently.
No-one should be shouting and swearing at any other person.
There are suggestions that your mother may be ill as this is out of character.
Probably what I see most in this thread is that your mother is to be "punished" by the removal of your daughter.

If every error of judgement ever made in this world was punished by the removal of contact with relatives there would be no communication at all.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/12/2018 17:33

Well my first thought was I hope DD wasn't hurt, it could have been a nasty accident if the plate had cut her.
So was it a total freak out at the thought of your daughter being seriously injured?
Or something else major happened and she's not ok.

Def get your Bro to test the waters but I'd be tempted to message her and say you wondered how she was, how she was earlier really worried you as its so out of character for her to be so upset

Topseyt · 02/12/2018 17:37

I wouldn't stop her seeing DD, but until I understood what was really going on it would be more limited and certainly not unsupervised.

It is possible she could be ill and it needs to be checked out if you can persuade her to see her GP. Sometimes things like UTIs can cause confusion and even aggression in older people.

CloserIAm2Fine · 02/12/2018 17:37

YANBU

DD broke something accidentally while being helpful. If she had broken something deliberately or because she was being silly then a telling off would be justified (although swearing at a 3 year old is never ever justified!) although the anger here would’ve probably still been disproportionate and very scary to a small child.

I agree with PP that as it’s SO out of character it’s worth finding out if there’s something else going on. Perhaps she’d just had a really bad day and lost her temper (still never justified!). Has she contacted you since to apologise?

Or as PP have suggested it might be an indication of something going on health wise that needs investigation.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread