NC but a frequent commenter on posts and posted a few times.
For context: I'm currently in my third trimester of my first successful pregnancy and friend is autistic. However this wasn't an issue before.
So, I have been the best friend of someone for over three years (let's call her Jane). When we first became friends, Jane was very tidy (almost too tidy) and had two pets that she generally kept clean. She cleaned every day, kept on top of things very well and her and her partner split cooking as she is vegetarian and he isn't. All seemed fine, she always looked presentable, their home smelt a little of the pets food but mostly clean, and the windows were opened to let the home air out. She had issues with hoarding, but would clear out things once every few months. Her partner has never had any interest in cleaning or helping her to do any housework, and doesn't work, but he's always "ill" with one thing or another and she just lets him do nothing, despite that he is on carers allowance and supposed to be her main support.
Since the start of my pregnancy, it's gone terribly downhill. Whenever I see her she always looks unwashed, usually in the same clothes for a week and despite sometimes having a shower within hours of me meeting her, still absolutely stinks of a mix of B.O and off food. I used to go over to her home every day, mostly to check on her, but stopped as it absolutely stinks. She got a third animal that is shut in a tiny room and stinks, and the pets she had before are barely cleaned out and their messes are left to stink. The smell hits you when the door is opened, and the piles of stuff absolutely everywhere are awful. I probably sound awful, but I'm so horrified and upset to know it's gotten like this. I tried mentioning washing her clothes to her (as in that she washes them, which she used to love to do) but it was met with that she's trying her best. Her partner seems happy to live in this mess and still thinks getting the third pet was amazing despite not keeping the other two clean before they got the third one. He's now taken over the cooking but due to this doesn't see why he needs to help her clean. It's so depressing to see. I offered her multiple times to go over and help her with whatever she needs, and was there a couple of weeks ago cleaning all the mould off of her main windowsill but I stank, all in my hair and clothes, and wasn't there for more than two hours. With all of this, and her lack of concern about opening windows or cleaning out her pets, means usually she smells awful. I feel horrid writing this, but it's true. Her clothes and her smell and I find it hard being in shops with her a lot too, but it's too cold to sit outside for a drink and catch up these days. I've had our friends ask me to stay at my home instead of hers as they hate it too. I just don't want my newborn, that she will undoubtably want to hold a lot, to smell.
So my main question is, how can I help with this situation? And if I can't help, how can I stop my baby from smelling or her holding the baby? I honestly think this friend is wonderful otherwise and don't want this friendship to end, she truly can be the most amazing person. I'm just at a loss of what to do.