To ask for your ideas to teach my 15 year old son about working for money?

[BellsAreRinging1]

DS never got much pocket money when he was little but I always bought him what he needs and treats regularly. Now he's older, he gets £20 pocket money a month and we still buy him bits and pieces such as pens for school, smelly sprays, hair products, I give him money to get food(meals) when he goes out and buy all his essentials. So his £20 is his play money for games, downloads, junk food etc.

He has a girlfriend of two weeks and as typical of that age they are planning to be long term and are aleady 'in love' which is no issue, it's his first proper girlfriend. They want to have a really special first Christmas together which I thought was cute(first love/teenage love and all that). I said that I would help him out with getting her a nice Xmas present, maybe an extra £20 so he can spend £30 on her.

Then in the car a few days ago with DH there he mentioned he wanted to get her something special and my husband piped up that he will have to see about doing some jobs for family to earn a bit of money. DS got riled quickly as he did in a previous argument where DH said he should get a job (note on this recent occasion he said 'DO jobs' not 'get a job'). Because of his attitude I told him he is not getting anything extra off me now.

For 3 days he's brought it up and caused drama and arguing each time. He believes we should just give him money. I have punished him by switching the sockets off in his room (no XBox) and turning the internet off now - he has mobile data but not much so he tries not to use much of it.

What the hell can I do to get through to him that in the real world you have to work for money and noone just gives you it?!! I don't want to punish him aimlessly, I want something to click for him. I've thought about dropping him off at a charity shop to volunteer for a few hours on Saturday (if they will agree to it beforehand) but I'm not sure if that will actually teach him anything.

Suggestions please?

I should add, we aren't wealthy but DS has never wanted for anything as the children's needs have always been put first. He just gets so tunnel-visioned sometimes and won't listen to reason!

I think if you said you would give him money then you should. Regardless of what argument he had with his dad.

The only thing to do to really teach him the value of money is for him to get a part time job - life experience is the best teacher.

When you say you punish him by switching off the sockets in his room doesn't he just switch them back on again?

Haha no he doesn't switch the sockets on, we switch them off at the mains so they don't work. I should have explained that better 😂

I would simply state that pocket money is x amount and if you want more you can either go out to work or do jobs at home , like most children your age. My dd (12) had her pocket money stopped after wasting loads on our phone bill, and I told her she could earn more by doing jobs. A miserable failure, she's done nothing but moan.

Why doesn't he have a part time job?

TBF before you give him consequences, you trained him to be like this. Actually taught him that stuff arrives with no input or planning or work or budgeting on his part.

Possibly, you could try giving him his whole 'budget' for phone, clothes, miscellaneous etc. and tell him that's it. For the month. And he budgets and crucially, you don't advance him or bail him out.

@ILoveDolly

That's basically what we are trying to get across to him but he is just not letting it go!

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

He's never wanted one and we have never needed him to have one. I've always said I would support him more if he stays in education (college/uni) etc. so helping out with driving lessons etc. and I will however he has to understand that there is a limit to what he can have 'for nothing' and if he wants more then it's down to him.

Well don’t give him any money aside from pocket money unless he does some jobs. I’m sure he’s capable of hoovering, mopping, doing washing, cleaning windows and cars.

@MrsTerryPratcett

That's interesting and appreciate what people are saying about him having a job etc. but I am looking for something I can do NOW that will have an impact to out an end to the arguments.

Just curious. Does he wash and iron him own clothes, clean his own room, clear up the bathroom after himself, clear the table and wash up, cook?

For example, I have ditched his sockets off as punishment for the sulking, attitude and arguing he is starting but that's not teaching him anything IYSWIM.

Yes Bells the idea is that even if he fails spectacularly, you let him and he thinks, "shit I need more cash or to spend less" then he can work out how to do those things.

But you can't bail him out!

"MrsTerryPratcett

Just curious. Does he wash and iron him own clothes, clean his own room, clear up the bathroom after himself, clear the table and wash up, cook?"

He does the dishwasher about once a month! Pretty good at keeping his room tidy. Only basic cooking such as noodles. I guess he does clear up after himself in the bathroom - he showers every nights an rarely leaves anything in the bathroom.

When i was 15 my dad gave me the child benefit they got for me. I had to buy everything with this. I had a job waitressing on a sat and sun and babysat one night a week for my neighbour who went to step class. This was 1994 i was loaded but i never had to ask anyone for any cash and ive been the same since.

When he's not in a bad mood, just explain to him that it actually feels fantastic to earn your own money. If je got a Saturday job he'd be rolling in it. I know boys his age who earn £70+pw working in supermarkets or greengrocers one evening and one weekend day a week. They are so proud of themselves and I admire them a lot for it.He'll feel like a man.

Why not help him apply for some jobs? He could get a paper round. DS had one at 13 or 14. He got up very early every morning, but it only took him 30 mins a day and he cleared £25 per week.

Personal preference but I'd never pay DC to help around the house. No one pays me to help around the house. Hoovering, raking leaves, washing the car etc is all part of contributing to family life.

If I ever need a tech tutorial or similar, I offer to pay them, though.

I wouldn’t worry too much at the moment OP. Presumably he has GCSE mocks coming up and then the real thing in the summer. It’s a stressful time for them.
My son is 15 too. He did werkly work experience in a charity shop for the D of E award - not paid obviously, but it does give them some insight. He doesn’t do chores round the house either (yet), but he’s not messy and he’ll always help me if I ask him. Your DS probably just wants to impress this girl and he’s unsure of himself. He’ll be fine in the long run.

I see this issue you have with his attitude but at 15 there aren’t many jobs he can legally do. Paper round but that’s early starts in wet/cold/dark, most employers (restaurants/shops etc) won’t even accept an enquiry until you’re 16 at the earliest. Many say 18 now, especially if it’s somewhere that serves alcohol, as they no longer have separate bar/waiting staff but want all staff to be able to work all areas. Retail, he’d be severely limited with the hours he can work.

Maybe help around the house a bit more until he’s actually old enough for a weekend job?

Forgot to say i dont pay my girls to do chores. Its expected but if DD8 is particularly helpful beyond this she sometimes gets a small treat. To date Dd14 never does extra hates having to do anything and thinks shes badly done to lol

DS seems to think that because he has six hours of school a day, he shouldn't have to get a job. And because his -sperm donor- 'Dad' takes him out 10-2 every other Saturday he thinks he can't get a weekend job. Yep he's entitled! I want to crack that attitude to working . I would happily help him get a job but I think if I got him one he still doesn't learn anything as I would have done the hardworking for him in finding and getting a job! Maybe it's my fault but kids don't come with a handbook and I am trying to help him evolve!

Dog walking and car washing for neighbours can be a good way to make some cash for teens

My partners mum could have written this (if she had that much sense).
She gives her children £30 a month and always used to say to my partner as long as he was in education she'd pay for everything.
Well he came out of education and because he was 19 and had never had a job he didn't want to work and I'm still trying to get him to go to work without complaining now.
I think you've gotta give him this months money and that extra money you promised but say that it's gonna be "new year new you new job" and get him to work.

We have similar with ds 14. I’m on benefits now, compared to the salary I was on before becoming disabled and become a single parent. However, between me and his dad, we’ve kept him very much in the same things he’s always had. But now he’s taking it for granted.

I’ve got him a kids VISA card and told him from now on, he only gets money by doing jobs around the house- changing the beds, hoovering, rusting, doing the laundry, mowing the lawn, mopping the floor etc, and a small amount of pocket money. So I will no Ionger give him cash money (this card can withdraw from atm’s, be used in shops and online), everything will go on the card. So if he wants something he will have to save or do more jobs, simple as that.

I thought he would protest, but he’s excited about having his own ‘VISA’, and has already made a list of jobs to do for when the card arrives. Again, I only blame myself, it’s that case of giving because you don’t want your child to be the odd one out, but in return creating a little monster who thinks he can click his fingers and his wishes will be met. I always swore I wouldn’t become ‘that’ parent, so did several of my friends in conversation last week, yet here we all are (hangs head in shame).

I mean don't get me wrong, I want him to be a kid, enjoy his time and focus on school. I don't care if he doesn't get a job get, there is plenty of time for responsibility when he is older.

I do however want him to realise he any just HAVE extra money and sulk that we won't give him any whilst refusing to do any little jobs for family to try and earn extra!

You can get a go henry account for him with visa debit card btw

Exactly this! Wanting kids to be able to keep up with their peers but somehow spoiling them in that process. Maybe it's a societal thing!