Is it ever justified to walk away from a child as a parent?

[disgustedandsad]

My situation is that DS father has chosen to. They had a relationship. DS father cut it and has walked away.

DS hasn't done anything wrong so I don't mean cases where adult offspring commit crimes or are addicts and parents cut contact because of specific reasons with the child. I also don't mean cases where parents are unable to cope and give up children in the hope they'll have a better life as they're incapable of providing adequate parenting.

I am completely blamed for the situation by his father. I thoroughly disagree and have evidence I have repeatedly tried to facilitate contact. There's no parental alienation etc and no barrier such as his father being imprisoned or abroad

Is there any circumstances where you are able to justify a parent cutting an innocent child off from a relationship with them when they previously had one?

I have a long email where he attempts to do so and dispute every word of it. Yet... some people do this and he clearly feels it's RIGHT to do and lists his reasons (I believe that virtually all of it is untrue and could challenge and prove it but I'm interested since he believes it if they get listed and supported as valid)

So what circumstances is it justified in? If any?

Won't go into any more specifics of our situation... would appreciate replies if they can in any way help me to understand and let go of feeling so disgusted by this before I even begin to work out the future from here

OP I was thinking in terms of alcoholism, severe mh issues that affect one's ability to parent, drug addiction or in extreme cases of parental alienation. Nothing like your situation.

DoJo its easy to say that but if youve been going to court for access for years and years and just never get anywhere and meanwhile your children have become hostages to their other parents vendetta, you may have no choice. Obvioysly if you could get custody go for it, but would you really put your kids through 3 weeks of recrimination and stress just so you can have a 5 minute phone conversation with them ? Esp one where they dont really dare talk in to you because they know their other parent will emotionally abuse them for any attempt at building a relationship?

Yes, I do think there are times when it would be best (as distinct from justifiable) for one parent to walk away.

As someone whose father did walk away for many years, I only wish he’d done it earlier.

I know of someone who was repeatedly abused and beaten by her two teenage sons. They would smash up her house, put holes in doors and walls. She had no control at all. I think it would be ok for her to walk away.

My former partner (and father of my child) made that decision - thankfully before DS was born.

I’m glad he did it then. If he walked away after DS had known and loved him 5 years, i’d be furious!

OP it sounds like things might be hard for you right now, if so hang in there

It’s hard to answer your question meaningfully, because we only have disjointed bits of information.

My dad walked away from me when I was 3.
He had another daughter a year after I was born and a son a year after her.

He was awarded 50% custody of me (one week 3 days, the other 4). He wanted full custody and because he didn't get it, he walked away. He walked away from his other daughter and his son too.
Never attempted contact, nothing on birthday, Christmas, no phonecalls, no maintenance nothing. Never paid a penny towards any of his 3 biological children.

The best bit is - He moved away, got married to a woman with 3 kids and raised them as his own

So is the crux of it that you left him because he was abusive, and he's now saying that you were the abusive one?
Is there any truth in what he is saying? I'm just wondering, as you're unwilling to disclose what was actually said, so I gather you're afraid that he is in fact justified in what he is saying?