To be sick of these comments off family

[Whykeepasking]

Nc for this.

I lost my job at 27 weeks. I was heartbroken. Had to go onto UC and through them I applied for a lot of jobs. Didn't end up getting one. I live in a place where it's hard to find a job, especially pregnant. The only one that came back to me was working in a factory, 40 mins there and 40 back. It wasn't ideal being pregnant and my work coach admitted I would struggle to find much. My aunt made a comment that if I was that desperate for a job I would have took that one.

Anyway, after applying for what felt like a million jobs and not getting anywhere I decided to give up at about 35 week, as DP is working, and I spoke to my work coach who suggested I enjoy the time off with my baby and perhaps ease myself back into work when she's 1 and start part time or go back to college as I am young enough. DP is happy with this as he is working full time, we do struggle fianancially but we manage. (DD is now 6 months)

All I get from my family, and DPs, is bitchy comments about "being on the dole" and it's starting to really upset me. I feel so embarrased about my siutation. I'm made to feel lazy.

For example, I asked my aunt if she knew how UC worked as it confused me at first. She bluntly said shes never been on the dole so she wouldn't know. I sent her a snapchat of me and DD sat on the sofa with the dog and I was in my dressing gown (fully dressed underneath) and she replied saying I was lazy for being in my pyjamas all day. I sent her a picture of something i'd seen in a shop and she asked what I had been up to this week besides "a bit of shopping". When I tell her what I actually do and ask her what she's been doing she says working as per usual. I feel like asking what she did with her babies, leave them at home all day as she works So hard

Same with DPs family, MIL told me there was a full time job going at a local cafe. I said I was hoping to enjoy this first year as me and Dp had agreed worked for us then go back into work. She scoffed at that and said she went back to work when all her children was under 8 mths.

DP sometimes works away and I look after the two (working) dogs. They are big, require a lot of exercise, and sometimes its hard when he is away but we manage. I visited DPs GM and said how difficult it can be sometimes managing them whilst he's not at home and she snapped saying "well, you're at home all day, it can't be that hard, imagine if you had to go to work everyday I did back when we had our dog".

I don't know why everyone seems to assume because I'm on benefits it means i automatically just sit at home all day being lazy and living the life of Riley. A typical day for me is obviously caring for DD, but walking the dogs, going to DMs to cook/clean for her (she is part paralysed I'm her carer), doing the housework, playgroups etc.

Maybe I am BU and these comments are reasonable but I'm fed up of being made to feel like a lazy good for nothing. DPs sister is on maternity leave from her job, never gets comments made to her. I wish I was on "maternity leave" so i didn't feel so useless.

This is the result of the years long campaign by the Tory government and tabloid media to tar all people on benefolits as feckless layabouts who don't want to work ever again and are to blame for all the government spending cuts due to 'ballooning' benefits budgets.

All a massive con job but its unfortunately been very successful. The wonderful system of social benefits that was first introduced, granted in a very limited fashion, in 1911 has been under attack for a long time and it won't stop until they do away with it all.

As previous posters have mentioned it might be best to just withdraw slightly from them and just stop mentioning things about your day to day life to them.

Its shite and you shouldn't have to avoid mentioning things to family to avoid being made to feel horroble for a situation that is out of your control but their constant comments and snipes will just continue to drag you down and made you feel bad when you have absolutely no reason to.

I'm sorry as I know nothing about UC but is it really right that you can't claim CB as well? How is that right? Surely you need to protect your NI 'stamp' by receiving CB?

You are hardly feckless and whatever decision you and your DH make as regarding your family finances is your business, no one else's.

Fuming on your behalf powerless

What rude family members. And for what it's worth nursing won't be attending college a few days a week. Its a hard job and the training is time consuming with placements.
Sounds like they don't like you very much. I had the same from my in-laws. Snarky comments from mil about my poor husband having to work while I sat about on my are all day (I was hugely pregnant and had no chance if working as we'd emigrated). No offers were forthcoming for babysitting or any real advice from them simply negativity. It's their issue. They sound as unhappy as my in-laws. Nobody had it as hard as them so anything said was shot down as "we had to do.... insert some ludicrous martyr example ..."

Exhausting.
I don't see them anymore. It's bliss.

If you want to see these people then just smile and nod or do what I eventually did which was to ask each time they were rude what they meant .. They then have the choice to continue to be rude and in which case your DH should stand up for you if it's his family or they'll shut their traps.

Enjoy your 6month old baby.
Good luck

I'd point out youre on maternity leave and will get a job after maternity leave is finished and you don't want to discuss it any more. It's not unusual to take a year plus holiday now.

Statutory maternity leave and free hours at nursery are also benefits available while children are young that I'm sure they didn't or wouldn't have turned down, you're just taking a different approach due to circumstances you found yourself in

You have the moral high ground as you lost your job and didn't quit. I know high earning professionals that get new jobs no problem that were suddenly unemployable even on short terms projects when they were pregnant.

I think you need to distance yourself from them while they are being like this as at the moment it doesn't sound like there are any consequences to them being rudd

You need to point out that you're on maternity leave when it comes up again. You just don't have a job to go back to, which could be viewed as a positive as it allows you to find something new that's going to fit in better with family life.

I got made redundant when I was pregnant too from a well paid job. I got SMP paid directly from HMRC and when that finished I went onto job seekers allowance while I looked for a new job. I wouldn't say we really needed the money I got from job seekers allowance but I just thought that I've worked for years and paid my national insurance and I should claim it if I was entitled to it. I know what you mean about there being a stigma to it, but it's not as if you're planning to never work again. You ended up in a difficult situation and are entitled to some financial help, there's nothing wrong with that.