To ask about safe bedsharing?

[Oaktreepark]

I am reluctantly bedsharing with my 2 week old little boy as sometimes he will just not settle in the Moses basket beside the bed. I have read up on safe cosleeping/bedsharing guidelines but I am a bit confused. I wrap the duvet around my knees so it is kept well away from him. Is that ok or should we not be using a duvet at all? He sleeps in a grosnug with his arms out, and a baby gro and sometimes a vest underneath depending on the temp. If I bring him into the bed during the night should I remove the grosnug? We are breastfeeding/not drinking etc

It's a while since mine were small but we co slept with all of them wgen all else failed. Dh and I had single duvets so the duvet didn't go right across the bed, pillows would be right on the edges of the bed and baby would be in the gap in the middle of us just with a blanket or a flannel sheet on warmer nights and the usual vest and onesie. I think a sleeping bag might be too warm as your body heat will warm him?

I would remove the grow snug.

I think I used to have DD in a vest and a baby grow and a thin sheet over both of us.

These information sheets are helpful

www.dur.ac.uk/resources/isis.online/pdfs/ISIS_bed-sharing_2014.pdf

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pdf

I use a 1 tog sleeping bag on mine whereas if she slept alone (ha ha) it would be at least a 2.5 tog.

Fleecy onesie from primark that zips up so your back doesn't get cold and you can just stay unzip(ped) to feed. I used to have the duvet cover my legs but make sure that it was over the bottom of the bed so it was more likely to fall off than ride up. A v pillow behind my head/down my back (again so it was less likely to move) and then DS in a grobag. I also kept the heating on and followed the sleep positioning rules exactly. I got a bed guard for the opposite side of the bed too. Dh slept in the spare room. It was hugely nerve wracking initially and I wasn't keen but he actually only moved our of my bed a couple of weeks ago almost two.

You might want to look at a sleep pod, these are given out to new mothers in some forward-thinking countries.

I personally find it Terrifying that people choose to do this

Guidelines do say no duvet at all. Personally I was happy with the ‘risk’ of having the duvet firmly tucked between my knees and DS nowhere near it but that’s your call.

It probably depends what tog the sleeping bag is, what the temp is, how many layers you are wearing etc. Use your own judgement. If his face is flushed and he feels very warm to touch, it’s too much. If he’s a normal colour and feels warm, he’s fine. I used to panic about this a bit until I realised that all babies are different and I had no way of guaranteeing that just because he was wearing a certain tog he would be the correct temperature. I err on the side of too cold and add a blanket if his chest or back feel chilly. His hands feel like ice overnight so I always ignore them!

I assume you’re keeping DS on your side of the bed only, with a bedrail or the bed firmly against the wall with no gaps?

I personally find it Terrifying that people choose to do this

Very helpful 🙄

Babies have shared their parents beds for millennia. If done safely, a shared sleep surface is not dangerous. Co-sleeping SIDS data invariably includes babies who have inappropriately co-slept their parents ie. smokers, on medication, have fallen asleep on the sofa... It is almost impossible to accurately quantify the risk due to the vast number of variables but personally I am comfortable with what I know about me, my baby and our set up to find it more than sufficiently safe.

I have 8 week old DD co sleeping with me just now - she does have a co-sleeper crib which she's in some of the time but she often ends up in the bed especially after feeding.

I couldn't relax about the duvet so I bought myself an adult version of her sleeping bag, so we're both in 2.5 togs. I wear PJs under that are a similar weight to her sleepsuit so it gives me a pretty good idea of temperature. Obviously varies by house but she was too cold in just a sleepsuit and vest and would wake up with the cold. Even with the sleeping pag and PJs I sometimes stick a cardigan on myself for my arms so I'm fairly confident she's not overheating.

The sleeping bags mean I don't have to worry about blankets/duvets.

It's safer than accidentally falling asleep while breastfeeding which is what I was doing before deciding to look into this.

I've also bedshared with my baby from around 3 weeks (he's now 5 months). I leave him in his sleeping bag but keep the duvet away from him, and I wear a long sleeve top to keep my top half warm. No bed guards or anything, I haven't found that I've needed them as DS doesn't go anywhere.

My partner sleeps in the spare room which helps. I have my pillows on my side, then the baby's side has no pillows so I can have his head in-line with mine, keeping him well clear of the duvet. It's nerve wracking at first and when they're tiny! I never planned to bed share but have definitely found it easier in the night with breastfeeding.

I'd be petrified of rolling onto my baby.

I find it ridiculous that people feel the need to comment questioning our decisions! These people obviously haven’t ever had a child who just will not settle anywhere else. It’s important for us as mums to get sleep too! I have been cosleeping with my 4 week old but have just discovered swaddling and it has changed our lives, she now settles well in her Moses basket or her sleepyhead which we put in the bed with us.
Look into this if you haven’t yet!

I find I move very little when she's in with me - I sleep on my side facing her with one arm above her so there's not really anywhere to roll.

This book on safer co-sleeping from La Leche League is really helpful:

www.amazon.co.uk/Sweet-Sleep-Nighttime-Strategies-Breastfeeding/dp/178066155X/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I was the same as Snuggy - finding I'd fallen asleep whilst feeding. My little girl is 15 weeks. I have the duet up to my waist then sh sleeps at chest height in a baby sleeping bag. I tried having a blanket on my shoulders but it fell off it I turned over so I have a onesie unzipped and a growing pile of cardigans on top. It's freezing at night and I've found I miss the weight of a duvet on my shoulders.

She currently sleeps for 2 hours then is awake feeding /teething for one hour throughout the night. There is no way I could do this and function next day without cosleeping. She doesn't sleep well in the day so you can never catch up on the sleep deficit. We also have to do the school run most days so have to be up and going .

I'd be petrified of rolling onto my baby.

Because you’ve never tried it. What the fuck do you think humans evolved to do? Obviously sleep next to their young for goodness sake, as every other mammal does. There’s actually a special “C” shaped position your body creates around your baby automatically. It’s instinctive and prevents rolling.

I had so many concerns and never ever wanted to cosleep: until I had a baby. Now I don’t give a damn if all my babies can sleep in a Moses basket; they will be in with me! It’s where they belong, next to their mother. Both of you sleep better, feed better and it’s just wonderful. My back probably disagrees though 😀

I have duvet down below waist and share a large cellular blanket with DC, who is 5 months. In the very beginning I removed the duvet altogether (much to DH’s horror)

Please read and follow the guidelines.
I go beyong this and ensure that baby is higher than me, ie my head is in line with babys tummy, meaning that even if the blanket came higher she would be fine and not touchinh it.
Als bear in mind that (apart from early weeks of exhaustion, no duvet at all initially), only if you are breastfeeding ( and not overweight, not medicated or drugged or depressed or exhausted) is it safe to co-sleep because your brain never allows you to sleep deeply. If you are not breastfeeding your hormones do not assist with this.
Therefore ensure that baby is only next to you and not DP as he will not have the same hormonal subsconscious.
Safe cosleeping is natural and much safer than falling asleep on a squishy sofa because you are so exhausted due to night wakings.

Also agree with everyone who has said it that the risk of falling asleep in an inappropriate position and place is far more dangerous than planning to cosleep safely.

I would go without a duvet, DD was older when this happened and moving around a lot more (about 15mo iirc) but the duvet untucked from between my legs and she managed to twizzle round so that her head went under the duvet and she couldn't get herself out and was very very upset. Have me a massive shock too!
Asda sell big cellular blankets which are great, we use them most days still, I used to sleep with one of those and a fleecey dressing gown on but a onesie would be better! Never saw anybody suggest that but that would have been brilliant! I also saw suggestions to cut holes around boobs in a fleece jumper but I didn't go that far, could see the appeal though!
I also did it because DD basically forced me to. It was sporadic until 4mo when she started leg slamming unless she was next to me! No idea why that started, she'd do it in her sleep, but she'd wake all of us up doing it!

Excuse typos. Bf a wiggly baby.

DS turns 1yr next week and we’ve coslept since it became apparent that he absolutely was not going to sleep anywhere else but with me! (About 1wk old!) It was never my intention but apart from the odd occasion (illness/teething etc) he’s mostly slept fantastically since day 1. I used the small Sleepyhead when he was smaller but now he just sleeps next to me, on top of the quilt in pjs and 1.5tog sleeping bag and with a pillow to stop him rolling off. He’s a climber now so won’t ever go in his cot.
Next month we’re planning on getting a Super King bed so DH can come back in our room and also get DS a floor bed so we can try and transition him into his nursery.

I cosleep with my ds, who is now 6 months. When he was tiny, we just slept under a light sheet, and I've been sleeping without a pillow for a long time. When the weather got cold, we've been using the duvet again keeping it waist level. Now he is six months it's a lot less scary as he is so much stronger and more active. He sleeps in a long sleeved vest, and our duvet just about covers his legs. But tbh our house is freezing and if it was warmer I think I wouldn't bother with tucking the duvet over his legs and certainly not when he was newborn.

I was very firmly planning not to co-sleep and thought people who did it were irresponsible, then I had my baby and found I kept falling asleep during feeds.

What we've done is set up the sofa bed as a safe sleeping space following the guidelines in the La Leche League book and I feed him there during the night. I usually stay awake now and take him back to his crib, but if I doze off at least it's as safe as can be there's no duvet or DH etc. to accidentally smother him.