To ask about safe bedsharing?

[Oaktreepark]

I am reluctantly bedsharing with my 2 week old little boy as sometimes he will just not settle in the Moses basket beside the bed. I have read up on safe cosleeping/bedsharing guidelines but I am a bit confused. I wrap the duvet around my knees so it is kept well away from him. Is that ok or should we not be using a duvet at all? He sleeps in a grosnug with his arms out, and a baby gro and sometimes a vest underneath depending on the temp. If I bring him into the bed during the night should I remove the grosnug? We are breastfeeding/not drinking etc

MarthasGinYard safe cosleeping is no more risky for cot death than a baby sleeping in a Moses basket or cot.

If you take just the data for safe cosleeping then it safer to cosleep but that would not be a true comparison as it would include unsafe Moses/cot sleeping environment eg home with a smoker.

People on here will criticise you for bedsharing (eye roll)
To most people's horror, DH and I had our ds1 in bed with us from birth..we have a superking size bed, would put him in the middle with no pillows above his head and push the quilt down and he just had his own little blanket..

I loved it! The problem you will face is your precious tiny baby will turn into a 3 1/2 year old, wriggling nightmare that no matter how many times we put him in his own bed, comes back in between DH and I and we spend our nights clinging onto the side of the bed with feet kicking us in the back, head etc..He sleeps great through 😂

Along comes DS2 and I discovered the sleepypod!! Get one!!

Didn't want to make the same mistakes, I put the sleepypod inbetween us at night and move it into the moses basket at the side of me, when he's sound asleep..

If you do like your baby in bed with you, just keep the sleepypod in between you both. It will completely reduce your worry! Xx

Try not to worry too much. Almost every mammal sleeps next to their young and manages not to kill them. So just try and eliminate those aspects you wouldn't have if you were a chimp

With that in mind, I'd definitely ditch the duvet and whack the heating up higher if you're chilly, or look into one of these adult snuggle suits which are 2.5 tog or thereabouts. Don't drink. Don't smoke. Ideally breastfeed. Ideally kick your other half out to the spare room - I never managed this and in the end bedsharing caused enormous relationship problems as he didn't have enough room or enough sleep and blamed the baby and wanted her out, whereas I wanted HIM out . So try and agree for him to be elsewhere, best for everyone!

Lose the pillow if you can - I found the position I would lie in (C shape around my baby) I would naturally rest my head on my upper arm and curve my arm above the top of her head, so a pillow wasn't really necessary - although useful to have one behind you to support your back if you're lying on your side, maybe one of those long pregnancy pillows, because although the C shape feels incredibly natural and allows you to sleep and feed, I found it played merry hob with my post pregnancy lower back and hips after a while.

Seriously though, do bedshare!! Especially when the sleep regressions hit it will save your sanity.

I’m another one who was horrified at the idea of co-sleeping....until my baby actually turned up and wouldn’t sleep without being in physical contact with me. To start with I slept in a C around her with the pillow kind of behind my head and the duvet over my legs. I trapped the duvet under the legs of the bed so I couldn’t pull it up. My baby was in a babygro and long sleeved vest with a knitted blanket and I wore thick brushed cotton pyjamas with a feeding vest underneath and a quite fitted thick cotton cardigan over the top. Our house is quite cold though. Now she’s 9 months she’s in a 2.5 tog walk in sleeper with nothing underneath. The sleeper is amazing and she stays asleep much better because she can’t throw her blanket off. I on the other hand am now in constant pain at night from knee, hip and neck from the sleeping position and always lying on the same side so get very little sleep.

Safe co-sleeping saved my sanity I think. Plus so lovely to snuggle your baby.

I am slightly more confused now, everyone seems to do it differently! I know it’s not ideal but planning it safely has got to be better than falling asleep with him in my arms. Funnily I am not worried about rolling onto him, it’s what he should be wearing to keep at the right temp that I struggle with. Our room is quite cold in the middle of the night but I am fine with only a warm nighty from the waist up. For those who use blankets with the baby how do you do this safely without them riding up when you can’t tuck them in to anything? I am downloading the lll book right now thanks namechangejustnow

I have co-slept with all 5 of mine. No duvet or pillow and no DH for the first couple of weeks. I slept in a c shape with baby in the crook of my arm and attached to my boob for most of the night.

With the 5th I co-slept in our hospital bed on her first night. The midwife lowered the bed, put the sides up and tucked us in.

They have all moved out of our bed by the time they were around 3. The youngest is now 5 and still pops in if she wakes up early.

If your baby kicks off his blanket.. like ours does get him a sleeping bag xx

@Oaktreepark If you're worried about baby's temp I'd just dress them more/less rather than using a blanket, which slips about and can tangle you or them up - so a short sleeved vest, long sleeved vest, babygrow and then a grobag/snugglesuit for maximum cosiness, remove as necessary if baby seems hot to you - baby should never be sweaty, and hands and feet should be cool to the touch. Colder is better by and large, as if they're next to you your bodies will naturally regulate each other's temperature and their little bodies can't really process overheating well. Baby will let you know if they're chilly by snuggling in and complaining!!

I say all this now having spent first few nights of baby's life actually in tears thinking she was going to freeze in her next to me but terrified to have her in bed or add blankets in case she overheated! They seems so fragile. Again, I liked/still like to watch documentaries of chimps when I'm feeling anxious - the confidence with which they throw their little ones onto their backs or hoist them into their arms, just leave them lying on their bodies etc reminds me that infants are not so fragile as we fear, and that if we listen to our long-damped animal instincts we KNOW what to do for our babies. All the books and guidelines have their place, but the main thing is to accept your mutual dependence and allow yourself to be in tune with your newborn, rather than placing artificial barriers like 'routines' and 'sleep training' and 'not spoiling them' in the way.

I co-sleep with my DD almost 7months old.

I do use a duvet, but have it so the duvet covers half the bed and so that it’s covering DH, then me partially. DD is positioned just above boob height, and she wears long sleeve vest, sleep suit and has a cellular blanket.

Sometimes DD goes in the middle when we switch sides to feed. I put her on top of the duvet then.

Only other advice I’d give is invest in warm PJs! With minimal duvet on me this winter I’m freezing, and warm pjs you can feed in make a big difference!

I'm co sleeping with ds who's 5 months. He sleeps next to me in his sleeping bag (1tog) then me and dh have a duvet that is only up to hip height. He refuses to sleep anywhere but close to me and has from day 1. Co sleeping is much safer than falling asleep holding him which I did the first week or so.

Yeah keep the sleeping bag on him, it's winter, he will be freezing otherwise. I know the fear of overheating is real but in a normal house in Britain in November at night it's incredibly unlikely baby will overheat in a sleeping bag. Just make sure there's nowhere for baby to roll off the bed or any gaps they can roll into and get stuck. Then get everything out the bed - pillows, duvet, DH. He can sleep in the spare bed, he's probably the biggest safety risk. He should respect that babies place is with you. Crochet blankets are good for babies because they have big air holes if they did go over their head so you could wear warm pjs and a crochet blanket over your legs.

In the end I had a double mattress on ds' floor so just me and ds

I had a June baby and we co-slept, obviously not comparable temperature-wise - he was mostly just in a vest as it was so hot. How close to you does baby snuggle? I'd be tempted to put him just in a thin gro snug (I believe they do two thicknesses?) and a long sleeved vest. Unless your room gets really cold, and assuming he's very close to your body, that should be sufficient I'd think. Mine used to tuck his feet into my lap slightly (we slept in the classic C shape) which I think kept him warm. In that position I was able to put my free arm around him too, it was lovely!

I used a duvet tucked around my lower body when bed-sharing and had a pillow which I slept right on the edge of so it was mostly behind me, and baby was obviously with head at boob level, so nowhere near it. I also slept with baby actually on my chest sometimes (after looking up how to do this safely - I think it's mentioned in the LLL book). It's amazing how you can be asleep and yet fully aware of your baby. Those who haven't done it just won't understand. Totally different to falling asleep holding baby due to utter exhaustion.

Ignore people scaremongering about bed-sharing - it's perfectly safe (and natural) when done right. I'm sure people clutching pearls about it don't always follow other safe sleeping guidelines (like always having sleeping baby in the room with you for SIDS protection) - we all make our own choices after all.

I did (years ago), but I kept the baby in the outside as opposed to the middle, as I discovered that (teetotal) DH kept rolling over in his sleep. He is a devoted dad but oblivious when asleep.

I coslept with both of mine. We had a small oil filled radiator which we had on a low setting in our room overnight in the winter. I found this helped as it meant we both needed fewer clothes and covers etc.

Another co-sleeping fan here. I actually really miss it, I used to hold his hand all night, until he accidentally scratched my eye one night... And into his own bed he went (age 14 months)! I can highly recommend buying a fleece dressing gown from somewhere like H&M, I slept in mine a lot, kept my shoulders warm and duvet far away. I think cosleeping is an incredibly valuable bit of bonding. Kick any husbands /partners into the spare room.... Although I now have the problem that dh is back in my bed and he's so annoying!!

I only use the sleeping bag when my baby is in the bedside cot. If he's next to me I put a blanket over him and my tummy instead. It helps bridge the gap from the duvet being at my knees and behind my back (this is fine BTW). I wear long sleeved Button up pj's or a onesie.

The blanket is under his armpits, but I tend to find when we are that close I'm aware of where the blanket is.

I wouldn't use a sleep pod personally.

I co-slept with all three of mine on the midwife's advice (my eldest is 11 now). In the winter, I wore thick long sleeved pj's that buttoned up the front and thick socks and baby in a sleeping bag. My head on the edge of my pillow. Baby in middle of King size bed and me on one side facing him. DH in spare room. I never moved a muscle even when asleep and also woke (frequently!) in the exact same position.. Same for all 3 babies.

I used to wear a dressing gown and have the duvet at the bottom of the bed. Had a co-sleeper cot but she inevitably ended up next to me at some point in the night after a couple of incidents of falling asleep bfing in the first few days.

She'd sleep next to me on the outside (super king size bed so lots of room) with me on my side making the C shape mentioned. I woke up for every snuffle and found I barely moved all night so never worried about rolling. Put her in a sleeping bag as soon as she was 8 lbs (the minimum for Grobags I think). Dressed according to their temp guide gro.co.uk/what-to-wear/

Adult sleeping bag this is what I have, along with PJs.

I haven't kicked DH out, but we have a superking so even if DD ends up in the middle he's nowhere close to rolling on her. She's mostly on my side, it's only if we fall asleep while she's feeding from that boob.

I have mine between me and the next to me, my DH is always rolling on top of me