To tell DH to f-off ( Christmas drinking related)

[elfycat]

DH will be working all over Xmas and New Year and previously told me to make my own arrangements as he categorically would not be able to see me or the kids. Previous years he was able to come Xmas eve to B'day and be on call.

I have arranged to spend Xmas with a friend ( first non blood family one and we're quite excited planning a no-fucks given day)

DH is now allowed to leave work and be on-call and I wasn't immediately thrilled with the change to my plans no headspace for changes at the moment, plus I don't want to put my friend out with a guest who might have to leave with 2 hours notice. Not that I don't want to see him but he will now be coming to my friends.

He has just asked if we can do a deal. I drink one day, and him the other. He would need to be at work within 5 hours and ready to actually work the following day. On my 'non-drinking day' in the unlikely event he were to be called in, I would have to drive a 4-5 hour return trip to get back to my friends. This would be Boxing Day as I wouldn't leave her with 2 guests missing for dinner.

There is no return part of this deal for me, so it's not a deal as far as I am concerned. It's a favour I don't feel inclined to give.

AiBU to tell him to go do one. Or stay at work where he can have a beer or two?

Tell him to 'do one'

I am confused- how old are the kids?

He is being ridiculous. He could just have one small celebratory drink and then stick to non alcoholic beer. Does he have a drinking problem?
Just say no to this rubbish deal.
However, you do sound like you don't much like him.

How can he drink if he's on call?

Kids are 7 and 9. They'll be happy either way and this isn't our first Xmas with him, without him, with him on call and home and with him having to disappear.

YANBU. Tell him to make his own arrangements, just as he told you.

Is always so entitled?

why do you have to drive elsewhere if he gets called in?

regardless of drinking, it sounds like a nuisance just for that. and it's not making any sense for someone who wants a drink!

Incoming I like him well enough but maybe not enough to drive round the M25 to drop him off and get back again over Xmas.

Job would be outing, but it's not driving or healthcare or something critical, more bums-on-seats until the following day.

Surely he avoids drinking if he’s the one on call?

Not a hope in hell!! No deal, the chancer!!

He would be allowed to drink at work, it's just the driving back that is his issues.

We're not alcoholics, but a dash too much Prosecco for me is my plan, he'd want a few glasses of red wine with Boxing Day lunch.

No that just sounds rubbish. I wouldn't do it. He's the one on call not you.

I would frame it in terms of your friend having to accommodate changes to plans already, and that although she is prepared for DH to be called away, it would be bloody rude for you to disappear as well.

You’d also either have to drag the kids along which is crappy for them, or leave them with your friend which is very unfair on her.

I wouldn't change my plans at all. Millions of people manage not to drink on Christmas day - it's not some inalienable right. Tell him to get over himself, life is not all about him.

My, how quickly his perspective has changed from 'make your own arrangements'.

I would tell him he is welcome to join, but beyond that not change my plans at all. The cheek of it! Also I love a drink, and even I wouldn't ask someone to do a 5hr round trip drive to facilitate my having a few glasses

Not drinking shouldn't be a problem. And personally I think if you're too drunk to drive you're too drunk to show up at work - even if his office seem to see it differently.

It would be a no from me.

Is it about wanting to see the kids or having a drink .

You are not on call he is

Its not just the drinking is it, its the bloody long lift that would totally spoil your day and your friend's day. That would be so rude to your friend. I think he should sod off and make his own arrangements.

Nah tell him to jog on.
he can have two non drinking days

What do you get out of this deal exactly?

He's on call, he told you to make arrangements and you have. Tough shit he needs to sort himself out now.

Tell him he fits into the plans now you’ve made them, not the other way around.

I'm with the it's not a deal as you don't get anything out of it brigade. He told you to make your own arrangements and now he not only wants to gate crash your party, he wants to put a dampener on it too.

I'd be telling him that, of course, you are pleased to be able to spend time with him but you aren't the one on call and most definitely will not be acting as his personal chauffer so he can have a drink.

If it was just down the road, then I might have been a bit more understanding but who wants a 4-5 hour drive on Boxing Day when they don't need to. I can't believe he has even asked to be honest.

Fuck that. I'd say that you're not prepared to put your friend (and the kids) out by breaking up the stay potentially with all that driving. It's shitty for your friend who will be looking forward to her time with you. I'd give him the option of coming to your friend's but he's responsible for his own driving as he is on call (so not drinking) or he can stay at work and have a few beers "IF THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO YOU DARLING?".

😂🤣😂🤣

‘Oh, ha ha, you’re quite the comedian aren’t you?!’

.’...oh you’re actually serious?!?

‘Nope. That’s not a ‘deal’ that’s a HUGE favour and not one I’m prepared to do for you. You told me to ‘make my own plans’, so I did, now for some reason you’re changing yours, you’re going are gate crashing mine AND expecting me to change mine to accommodate you. NO, not happening. Oh and next time you want a massive favour, don’t make out it’s some ‘deal’.