AIBU - to be sick of being criticised by my teenage daughter for being a white cis-gender feminist?

[cloudspotter]

Which makes me something of an equivalent to Donald Trump in her book?

I always thought I was fairly right-on, but I will admit to being politically more "left of centre" than Corbynista. It's not very fashionable, I know.

She seems so rabidly reactionary, so angry at the world, increasingly it feels like she's in some kind of cult. I can't help but sometimes disagree with her view of "cultural appropriation" or "trans-phobic".

I love people, I am such a supporter of human rights, I'm horrified by the political direction of this country lately. I'm absolutely inclusive and horrified that there still remain homophobic elements in society, particularly religioin-based.

However, I'm not sure I can take any more of these aggressive discussions about how society is responsible for persecuting people just by thinking of gender as a meaningful concept.

I'm not opposed to the rebalancing of rights. However, I don't think identity politics have been a helpful way to take it forward, and it's alienating a lot of mainstream support, including me.

I actually think it's all a big distraction when people should be getting wound up about the big injustices going on, the destruction of the NHS, the welfare state, the wealth grab by the rich etc.

Now my daughter hates me, and seemingly by having views that differ from hers, I'm public enemy number one.

Hearing myself I now realise this is probably just one of those generational dividers that have been going on since time immemorial. Like rock-'n'-roll being the work of Satan.😂

I doubt it's really about politics. More likely the normal and relatively-healthy developmental phase where they have to work out who they are, separate from their parents.

Such fun. Not.

When I was a teenager my political viewpoint was whatever was the polar opposite to my parents. Are you sure that her position isn't just a reaction to yours? Maybe you're not even aware of it.

Teens have always been like this OP! Think back to punks with safety pin earrings etc. Honestly, it doesn't mean the country is going to the dogs.

Stand proud and own your white cis gender centre left feminism!

I think you're both right. I need to see this for what it is - teen angst and needing someone to rebel against to establish her own identity.

It's been building up for weeks. The other thing I keep getting us that I'm apparently "self-absorbed". This is always said to me right after I've lugged hundredweights of shopping in from the car and ferried her majesty around from appointment to appointment.

"Go on, give me the benefit of your inexperience" I think comes in now.

Isn't the entire point of being a teenager to push your parents' buttons. Sounds like she's found something that really upsets you and that's probably what's driving her. I'd feign complete indifference and in time she may begin to moderate her views.

Wait ten years.... she will probably have changed her radical opinions by then (or at least her raging, angry world hating hormones will have settled )

Tbf one of my sons and I actually DO disagree on quite a few issues, but now he's 21 we can agree to disagree. At 15 he just hated me!

It's how young people are rebelling now. Ignore her completely and she will eventually get bored of it.

I'm pretty sure the problem is a lot more specific than Feminism. I can't imagine she's opposed to equality in the workplace and freedom from harassment that many women are fighting for.

Sounds more like you're clashing over gender/trans rights, which is really a very small problem overall, compared to a lot of other problems, despite what the internet says.

Maybe find some common ground if possible by going over some of the less potentially divergent topics with her? E.g. Sexual consent, Male gaze in literature and film making, or whatever. Get away from the LGBT stuff for a bit.

Or use this technique. Your dd says something teenager and ranty. You say, "Oh darling, youre being a brilliant teenager. That sounded completely unreasonable then. I'm so proud of you. Give me a big hug." Completely confuses them and sometimes makes them laugh.

Teenagers are supposed to be insufferable twats. As a teenager as was always at militant meetings and marches getting annoyed with my parents for not ‘getting it’. We always think we invented protest and radicalism and no other generation has had the same ideas.

I think she has formed these views as part of an internet community of like minded others, rather than in opposition to mine. And I really am very pro-gay rights, and anti-racist, so it's hard to see how she could have taken this as an opposite stance.

Perhaps she expected to find a kindred spirit and us horrified and disgusted to find there are some differences, hence the campaign?

I would tell her that she is entitled to her opinions but treating a parent with disrespect is immature

It's fine that you have different feelings on it, it's an emotive subject. I'd be careful of coming across as patronising though - all of this ask for the 'benefit of inexperience,' the idea that this is her just reacting to you, even if it is the case, will just annoy her further! If you really think that, why not just say 'I think your opinions are invalid, I'm the adult and you're not.' Because that's how it will feel to her. (Ask me how I know 😂)
You have different life experience, you're entitled to different beliefs!

Teenage girls - specifically between 15 and 20 are a fecking nightmare when it comes to this. Really far left, radical, politically correct liberals some of them. Incredibly annoying, but it does pass. Mine grew out of it by about a year after she left uni. You can't say a damn thing without the little snowflakes getting upset.

Twitter is full of them. (Unfortunately, a few people actually don't grow out of it quite a quickly as early 20's and they are the intolerable ones on message forums and social media.)

Just ignore her and tell her to shut up. Tell her when she has lived at least 2 decades of working and paying bills and being royally shafted by the taxman, she can say what she wants then. Right now, she knows fuck all about anything, and frankly IMO, she has no right to an opinion, or to tell you that you are wrong about anything, or right wing, or bigoted and so on..

"That's nice dear"

Repeat.

Jesus Winterfell, everyone in their twenties is stupid? Were you? Have all your opinions changed since your twenties or did your parents know everything? Logically, the idea that everyone in their early twenties is a political idiot makes no sense - otherwise they'd all vote in exactly the same way

I reckon it’s a normal and healthy, if irritating, part of being a teenager, and it’ll pass. Like a PP said, she’s trying to find her own identity that’s separate from yours. I actually think it’s far more concerning when teenagers just parrot their parents’ views - I remember I was too terrified of my dad to form any views that were different to his.

At least you’ve taught her to think for herself.

There will be no hope for me, then, when DD gets a little older - as I am:
male,
old (47) and whisper it right of centre politically :)

Might as well give up now..

Yeah, young women, all bloody snowflakes, like that Malala, for instance. Banging on about her lefty politics. When she's paid the taxman for twenty years she might have a right to an opinion. Knows fuck all about anything right now though. Because she's a young woman, innit.

Right now, she knows fuck all about anything, and frankly IMO, she has no right to an opinion, or to tell you that you are wrong about anything, or right wing, or bigoted and so on..

She’s in an irritating phase, but she’s a still human being - who should be encouraged to have opinions and should be able to tell her parents (or any other adult) if she thinks they are wrong.

*still a, not a still

To me it sounds like a moody teenager. Don't pander to her by discussing - she isn't discussing she is picking an argument. Just reply "I see.... and whilst you're there please can you bring the washing down" or put the bins out, or fold this washing pile, etc she will leave you along before long :)

Zen nudist! Absolutely! And hello too x

My parents could have written this exact post when I was a teenager Just replace all of the current politics with whatever was 'in' at the time.