AIBU - to be sick of being criticised by my teenage daughter for being a white cis-gender feminist?

[cloudspotter]

Which makes me something of an equivalent to Donald Trump in her book?

I always thought I was fairly right-on, but I will admit to being politically more "left of centre" than Corbynista. It's not very fashionable, I know.

She seems so rabidly reactionary, so angry at the world, increasingly it feels like she's in some kind of cult. I can't help but sometimes disagree with her view of "cultural appropriation" or "trans-phobic".

I love people, I am such a supporter of human rights, I'm horrified by the political direction of this country lately. I'm absolutely inclusive and horrified that there still remain homophobic elements in society, particularly religioin-based.

However, I'm not sure I can take any more of these aggressive discussions about how society is responsible for persecuting people just by thinking of gender as a meaningful concept.

I'm not opposed to the rebalancing of rights. However, I don't think identity politics have been a helpful way to take it forward, and it's alienating a lot of mainstream support, including me.

I actually think it's all a big distraction when people should be getting wound up about the big injustices going on, the destruction of the NHS, the welfare state, the wealth grab by the rich etc.

Now my daughter hates me, and seemingly by having views that differ from hers, I'm public enemy number one.

Hearing myself I now realise this is probably just one of those generational dividers that have been going on since time immemorial. Like rock-'n'-roll being the work of Satan.😂

DS is actually slightly righter than me which I think is interesting.

I always think of myself as bang on in the middle with perhaps lefty leaning tendencies on some subjects.

DS is a good looking white male of the dominant culture with every privilege that brings. Luckily he has a rabid feminist for a mother.

I think it is just teenagers.

You might try reminding her that it is due to white cis-gender feminists like you that women have the vote and that we have sex equality legislation (at least until the men manage to get it repealed).

Actually I think you have a point. The general drift of politics into identitarianism is massively problematic. I would try to make this feel like a normal generational clash of values, as a coping mechanism. While knowing, in yourself that da yut are just plain wrong!

I've told ds if he calls me 'cis' again, I will cancel Christmas and bounce him out of the house. I have also told him that he doesn't get to define me, apart from as his Mum.

ROFL scaryteacher, respect to you

This is the problem with letting them go to university; they think they are 'woke'. Can't work out how to pay the bloody gas bill online (despite being told how), but can throw non meaningful words around.

Wasn’t everyone ultra-left when they were in their teens? It’s just hip isn’t it? (& an overly naive & simplistic view of political subjects.)
Im a centralist & it always astounds me how similar the far-left & far-right ideologies are.
For instance: homosexuality.
The central view is that it’s backed by science, there are biological markers and it’s based on attraction to the same sex
Both the far right & far left think this can be changed. That you can ‘learn’ to love the opposite sexes genitals or the act of sex with the opposite sex.

Ah, it's great to hear the voice of reason from my own generation. 😂

I guess that's it really. I really resent the idea that white cis-gender feminists are the enemy and that we are accountable for all the harm done to trans-women and non-white women. I'm absolutely livid that most of the world still oppresses women. That's not something I can take responsibility for though. I have no power or control over that.

It doesn't help that I resent being called a cis-female as if it's an insult and something I have to apologise for. I'm sorry I was born into a gender I identify as, and am heteronormalising the world by just existing.

And I genuinely do not agree we are the problem, but I guess I have been prepared to consider this before dismissing it out of hand. Now I've concluded -no- I'm sorry, I am not your enemy in a world where Donald Trump is president of the USA, and Jacob Rees-Mogg is a serious contender for any political office! Where in Saudi Arabia, women has only just been permitted to drive. Etc.

I guess that's youthful naiveté for you though. If I'm the worst opponent you've come up against, there's a bigger world out there that I'd going to horrify you. And I don't relish that time for you. Maybe it's nice to think we've provided such a safe and sheltered space this far?

I would shake my head and say how sad I am that she holds such sexist ideas, that she judges who is a woman by measuring them against a sexist stereotype. My daughter thinks the same, though we agree to differ and she tends to get sad when I point out the sexism, she thinks I'm being a big meanie. She can't square it though because I'm really, really lentil weavingly liberal.

We agree to differ and discuss it if she raises the issue, had a big chat about queer culture the other day.

It's okay to disagree, I think we are losing that. We must disagree respectfully though and arguments should stand up to gentle probing.

Why do you think now is the time to get rid of all sex based protections? Can lesbians define themselves or must they include males? Is same sex relationships okay or are they transphobic? What is a transwoman? What do we share with transwoman that makes us the same? If we use biology to define women then a woman in china, a woman who lived 10 000 years ago and me all share something.

What do we share with transwoman that makes us the same?

I would love to know the answer to this! It can't even be "a belief that we are women" because a woman who is in a coma or who is mentally incapable in some way is still a woman, whether or not she can grasp the concept or not.

I'm slightly shocked at some of the comments on here actually. Some people don't realise that teenagers are entitled to their own opinion too, and they're not made to be turned into miniature versions of their parents.

Hollow talk, I'm with you on this one, it's a philosophical discussion as well as one based on people's feelings.

I don't mind the debate, and I certainly don't wish to deny transgender people human rights. But I find the dialogue around it alienating as it starts from an assumption of opposition.

Anyway, now I've calmed down, I'm concluding that my lovely girl is debating the issues with me as one person she can trust and be honest with. Maybe she needs to test her arguing skills with someone who loves her unconditionally, and who won't judge?

Always be charitable, especially to your half formed mini adults.

Ah, OP, it sounds trying! That said, to be working through what differentiates your views from those of your parents is an important life stage. I wish I’d done more of that in my teens (pain in the arse though it would have made me for my folks). Instead I was way too quiet and passive and then had to work through all the angst later on - when no one nodded wisely and indulged any if it because by then I was in my 20s.

Most everyone is lefty leaning until the real world hits home. Then they either become much more centralised or total extremes. There aren't many leaners these days.

I'm doing everything possible to avoid raising a 'woke' sheep child. He can do or be what he likes but he will know if he identifies as a toster he will be out on his crumbs.

Oh dear this makes me squirm, I remember twatting on and on at my poor mum as a teen after taking up Sociology A level, I used to rant and rave about what I'd learned that day as if she knew nothing about zilch, I hope your ok, it will pass, as someone else suggested, feign indifference, she'll soon take her raging angst elsewhere or tone it down if she's not getting a reaction xx