Loud, rude stroppy SIL coming for xmas - I need one liners to shut her up.

[GinAndTings]

How can I get her to stop sulking and stop attention seeking? Shes 30, newly married and likes to be centre of attention. I couldn't care less (honest!) but she tends to take it out on my lovely MIL (and we do get on fine!) how can I stop her from ruining the day.

Thanks!

Give us examples of her loud stropiness so that we know what we are dealing with

Need examples!

Mil would be telling a story, she would roll her eyes and shout Muuum! we've heard it shut up!!! fgs!! more eye rolling..

She would sit on the sofa curled up in the corner scowling and looking like shes about to cry. When asked whats wrong she will say 'oh nothing I'm fine'

Generally making the atmosphere tense and weird with her usual moods!

You: Sil Are you happy/ok/having a nice time?
SIL: yes I'm fine thanks
You: well let your face know then as it's not got the message.

Then before she has chance to reply, change the conversation and carry on as normal.

She's spent 30 years forming this relationship with her family. You've had five minutes. The chances of changing it with one-liners are zero. The chances of them all rounding on you and closing ranks... depends on the family.

Ignore her when she's sulking and just say, "I'd like to hear MIL" when she interrupts.

You want to know how to call her out to stop her being centre of attention? Bit paradoxical?

Ignore her. She can speak to her own mum as she sees fit, surely? If she's sulking then all you're doing is feeding the beast so let her face do what it wants.

I would just for once, like a nice xmas without her dramatics. That's all. I don't want to be centre of attention and I don't want to fuse her further by pandering to her either. So I was hoping I could say something to nip it in the bud.

Have Christmas at yours and don’t invite her.

MrsTerryPratcett unfortunately is 100% correct, these family roles are going to be almost set in stone by now, and she definitely won't change them based on the opinion of some new (compared to her anyway) family member.

She must have realised by now that her antics are bringing down her family so clearly she has no intention to change. I would try to ignore her as much as possible. If she's stropping on the sofa leave her to it, if she interrupts MiL say "I haven't heard that one, can I hear please?"

I agree she can speak to her mum however she wants. I just don't like to hear her shout her down all the time; I don't want her shouting and bellowing in my home.

I've watched and ignored for years; she just becomes more dramatic and more feisty as she's not getting the attention she craves. Her DH leaves her to it.

I like MrsTP’s approach. Low-key, with the emphasis firmly NOT on SIL. If you do any of the “yer face, luv” stuff, you’re handing her some great fodder.

“Wahhh! I was upset about my friend’s hamster dying and G&T was howwible to meeee...”

So if she strops about, say, not liking the cranberry sauce that MIL made, suggest that you’ll google some different recipes when you’ve all eaten.

All the time, aim the attention away from her. Not to you if you can help it, though...

I wouldn't want someone souring my Christmas either, especially in my home. I'd tell her straight most likely 'In my house we're polite and courteous'. I'd pull her aside if necessary and say that you're trying to make sure your family has a nice time and if she is miserable that she is more than welcome to go and sit herself upstairs. But then I'm a gobshite and don't stand much shit from people, family or otherwise.

I agree with pps, but: 'Let me top up your glass, SIL, it seems like you need a bit of Christmas spirit'.

Just ignore her. Or call her out on it and say it's not acceptable to talk to someone like that.

I agree with pp, as much as possible ignore her. If she’s sulking and skulking let her get on with, it’s difficult to be the centre of attention if you’re being ignored. One liners could easily backfire on you and you could end up being painted as the mean one, with sil garnering sympathy.

Be bright and cheerful and try to make sure mil has fun and is heard. Not letting the sulker set the tone without you ever being overtly sharp with her is, I think, the best way to handle people like that.

She's your dhs sister then? Surely he's best placed to deal with her.

Just laugh, talk to the person sitting next to you, don't let her ruin everyone's special day. Don't try and get one over on her, she'll just sulk even more. After the meal when it's time for them to go your d.h. should have a word and ask her why she always have to be such a show off, it's embarrassing for her.

Ask her if she is 12?
Hang baubles on her if she sits around moaning - tinsel around the neck if necessary.
Find her a task in another room to be getting on with. Stuffing the turkey may be good?

When she's rolling her eyes about stuff and looking on the brink of tears, just completely ignore her. When she's bright and cheerful about anything - however small, give her loads of attention - eye contact, smiles etc. That's how you train toddlers out of whining and it seems to work.

"Actually SIL, I want to hear what MIL has to say, sorry MIL, what were you saying?"

Just ingore the eyerolling and stroppiness, insist on politeness, and next year, don't invite her.

Thank you everyone. I agree, I think fuelling the fire would go against me so Ill be cheery and distract everyone from her dramatics.

Why is she coming for Christmas? I'd either get DH to have a word before she comes or uninvite her. It's your home too, as I get older I'm less likely to suck up behaviours I don't like in my home.

I'd tell her straight most likely 'In my house we're polite and courteous'.

God really? I might talk to my toddler that way. But in no world would I talk to an adult guest in my home that way. Particularly not the sister of my DH.

Can't you get your DH to have a word with her? Why is this your problem? Maybe too short notice this year, but next year don't invite her.