Loud, rude stroppy SIL coming for xmas - I need one liners to shut her up.

[GinAndTings]

How can I get her to stop sulking and stop attention seeking? Shes 30, newly married and likes to be centre of attention. I couldn't care less (honest!) but she tends to take it out on my lovely MIL (and we do get on fine!) how can I stop her from ruining the day.

Thanks!

I have a sil like that and she doesn't get on with my mil either
Unfortunately I will be in her company on boxing day at my fil's (mil and fil are divorced) I have managed to escape their invite the last couple of years as I really can't bear to be in the same room as her but this year I will need to go (I get on really well with the other family members invited) my dh and dd don't like her either so it's not just me that finds her unbearable.They have a through lounge/kitchen so can't even escape to another room so i'll sit at the other end and keep out of the way

My SiL (DH brother's wife) would sit with a face like thunder at all family gatherings or she'd take herself off into another room. She was also known to sit in a corner and read a book with 'I can't concentrate for the noise' sighs. She thought that DH's family wasn't quite up to her 'standards' and she would make faces if she heard poor grammar, a swear word, or there were table manners not quite fit for a state dinner. I was told to just ignore her. As MiL would say "Don't feed the fire dear, let's just sit and watch it burn".

It's not like she came from a 'posh' family or anything. I never really got why she thought she was so much 'better' than DH's family.

I can’t stand this passive aggressive shit. I’d honestly ignore her as best you can.

Shes coming because shes invited herself... her and her dh usually go to his auntie's for xmas but she passed away this year so they are coming to us instead.

I originally invited PIL's and my parents to us in July as otherwise they would be at home on their own. Once she heard she invited herself and her DH.

She has major FOMO (fear of missing out) on anything and everything!

Yes, 'come on Scrooge, come and help me stuff the turkey', (not a euphemism).

'Do you want a humbug with that?'

'You've seen the new Grinch movie, I take it?'

Or slip a couple of Kalms into her aperitif.

You might not actually say or do these things, OP, but thinking about them might make you feel a little better. She sounds like a box of joy and delights.

She's had a recent bereavement? Tread carefully. Particularly as she normally goes there for Christmas.

If she is in one of her moods I will ask DH to say something - he normally is pretty good at squashing her poor me antics when it reaches fever pitch. I just don't want it to reach that far by ignoring it.

I've tried on many occasions to chat with her, try and help her through the stresses of her life (hates her job, her DH isn't the most attentive) hence why I believe she plays up like this.

I know its not a direct problem for me, but when she is in my home, with my children watching and my parents there, it becomes my problem.

Ignore ignore ignore, don't pander to her and treat her like the child she's behaving like. If she sulks ' that's a shame but we're still doing x' , 'sorry you're not enjoying yourself....pass the chocs', ' I haven't heard that one MIL and I love your stories, tell me more'. Also get your DH to have a word and tell her to stop being a stroppy mare!

'What time did you say you were leaving?'
'Are you making a move already? Let me help you'

No the bereavement was on her DH side. Great auntie.

She sounds very immature for her age.maybe she's the way she is because she is jealous of your friendly relationship with MIL maybe she's feeling left out. Maybe try and involve her in conversations and ask her opinion when it's just you and MIL talking. And ask her to give you a hand in the kitchen

As MiL would say "Don't feed the fire dear, let's just sit and watch it burn"
Love this!

When she starts wailing fart loudly. Then when she looks at you stare back incredulously. As if to say "what?"

If you can't fart to order get an app.

But if you use one liners, it will literally be all about her anyway.

Why don’t you focus on MIl instead. Literally. Ignore the eye rolling.

Also maybe prepare something nice that MIL will like but keep it a secret. Then when she is being sulky, jump up and say to MIL “oh my gosh! I totally forgot, I have a little surprise for you! And take her into the kitchen without bothering to see if anyone else Ian coming” basically focus on the people having fun and you having nice time.

Otherwise it’s all about her again

Make sure that on Christmas morning when the kids open there presents before SIL gets to yours you pick out a few of there new toys/games and tell them how much aunty x loves them toys/games and how much she'd love to play with them when she gets to yours. So they mither the hell out of her, she may even play with them

But what about the old MN classic: Did you mean to be so rude?

Behaving like this in someone else's home? Not pleasant, but not my problem.

Behaving like this in my home? I wouldn't invite them back. Fortunately, I have a DH who would back me up...and in-laws who were all taught how to behave (as were their respective partners!). My own brothers have never set foot in my home because their behaviour is so far beyond intolerable, it's entered the realm of unconscionable.

I agree with @DasPepe that using one liners just puts the attention on your SIL, which is presumably what she wants. Sadly, it's like with a young child, where negative attention is better than no attention. Better just to ignore her and focus on giving your MIL a very happy day.

@Andro you're so right. I used to feel duty bound to invite my DB to every special occasion when he just made us all miserable and shouted at our DDs and my DSis's DC. I saw my DDs shrinking away from him and suddenly saw the light, that it wasn't right to inflict him on them or on the rest of us. (He has severe MH issues so I always caved in to pressure from my DM to help her look out for him, but our lives are so much easier now we don't do that.

I think you need to embarrass her. If theres kids around you could say 'respect please we are trying to teach manners to our dc' . If shes wallowing in self pity about to cry - ignore her. It will eat her up.
She gets to behave like this in her house, you don't have to tolerate it in your own home.

"I would really like to hear the rest of your story MIL"

Love the previous posters idea of a surprise for MIL that you 'forgot.

I think turning the attention away from SIL might be the way to go.

She invited herself? I would be uninviting her.

Why did you let her invite herself in the first place?

But now that you have, I suggest dealing with her like a tiresome but inconsequential child. If she shouts at her mum, 'SIL, don't shout in my house please.' If she sits with a face on, ignore her.

Ignore any bad behaviour and talk to the others

I know somebody like this though and if you ignore they just ramp it up until someone takes them on. Doesn't it depend o how determined the person is. The person I know would stop at nothing to gain attention.