To think family pieces should not be sold?

[paperclusters]

As a family we are fortunate to own some family pieces of furniture. Nothing very grand, things like a bureau that has been with the family since the 1770s, a side board with cupboards that were fitted in the captains cabin on a ship 1850, a billiards table from 1900.

My elderly family are down sizing and have decided they should sell them. AIBU to think that everything should be done to keep them in the family? They have lasted this long.

The same member threw out hundreds of old family pictures and a painting from the 1800s-1930s and kept the "best" ones. I understand they knew many of these people and so don't seem far removed, but for my children or grandchildren in say 2060, they will be hugely interesting.

Offer to take what they’re throwing out or pay for what they’re selling?

YABU, they don’t belong to you.

They're not yours though.

If you want to keep them 'in the family' you need to buy them.

Not everyone wants or has the room for all these wonderful antiques, we downsized, none of the kids want it, so it is stored in the garage at present, we will have to sell it. We have furniture, china, crystal, all handed down, again no-one wants that, if it aint trendy it is not going into their homes. So let them sell it.

Offer to buy them then?

I think some things you can only keep so long. Most houses don’t have space for too much sentimental hoarding!

I love it when family heirlooms are passed on, can you offer to buy the items that you like.

Then you need to buy them (if they are looking to sell them) or take them off their hands (if they just want the space in their house back). Do you actually have room for a billiards table?!

Do they need the money? Is that part of the incentive to sell, or is it simply to get rid of unnecessary clutter? If they need the money then I'm afraid that unless you or another family member can buy if from them then it's their decision. If it's the latter, have you offered to take the furniture? If they have thrown out family pictures and paintings then they clearly don't have the same ideas on 'family items' as you do, and are not attached to these things. I must admit I'm not remotely interested in photos of ancestors I didn't know (not so fussed on those I do know, tbf), so my DM or DGM throwing things out wouldn't bother me, but I think my DSis would be interested.

If they are selling them, be the one to buy it off them

If the furniture is mahogany, oak, walnut, if they auction it off, they will be gutted at how little money is left. Get an antique dealer to value it, then offer them that money. I promise you that you would pay more at Next or Laura Ashley than the dealer will offer.

My grandparents kept everything btw. Clearing their house was a nightmare. I can assure you that hundreds of photos of people you don’t know is not that interesting!

Offer to buy them then.

In my experience everyone wants the family to hang onto “family pieces” but no one actually wants it in their home.

If you think they are valuable prove it and offer cash.

My poor SIL been landed with large (ugly) armoire which MIL insists cannot be sold. Mil doesn’t want it at her house either though.

MIL does have 6 full “family” dinner services which “cannot be sold” apparently.

If you have room for photos and tea sets and furniture I’m sure the family will be happy for you to take them
off their hands.

With the best will in the world, no one can hang on to everything. When we cleared our parents house 90% of the stuff went to auction. We all have fully furnished houses, so had no room. Items that were of good quality sold well, and now someone else is enjoying them.
In my experience, younger members of a family are not that interested in the belongings of long deceased relatives. Photos are good, but at least they don't take up much room.
Op, offer to buy the stuff if it means something to you.

If you want it to stay in the family then you should buy it off them and have it in your home and maintain it yourself.

It’s not your extended families job to hang onto stuff so that your kids might get the benefit in several decades time (or your kids might not want it in their homes either, just as you presumably don’t actually want it in you home)

I like antiques but although it’s faibtky interesting to people to know I inherited a few pieces it’s not the really interesting thing about them.

The important thing is that their owner appreciates them.

I’m sure your relation would sell them to you if you offered the going rate.

Agree with pp if they want to sell it then make them an offer for it.

I do understand what you're saying though OP. It always puzzles me when you see people on tv programmes like antiques road show wanting to sell war medals that belonged to their grandparents or beautiful works of art, or amazing artifacts that have been in the family for generations.

Just the fact that these wonderful things have been around for hundreds of years and have a history of their own would make me want to keep them, but for some people 'things' are just 'things' regardless of their age or beauty.

I have been clearing a house after a recent bereavement. Hundreds of photos of people you don't know is not interesting, just very sad.

I agree with NonaGrey; when clearing out the parental home, I had to dispose of items that would never fit into my smaller house. I took what I could, I certainly kept the photographs, but nobody needs three sewing machines (DGM's, DM's and mine!), yet when a relative was horrified at my selling things off, ("those old machines are valuable, you know!") I offered one as a free gift, saying that they could sell it themselves if they wished and keep any money they made, the backtracking was hasty enough to leave skidmarks!
I heard a programme about compulsive hoarding describing how one person's problems were triggered by having "heirlooms" foisted on them, and I know I have that lurking tendency.
If you feel they should stay in the family, by all means offer to take them off the hands of your elderly relatives, but don't oblige them to become curators by default if you don't fancy the job yourself.

I would be very sad to see those pieces sold wo been asked first if I wanted them

Fair enough that some people don’t want them or they want to downsize etc.
But they are memowries of the family as such belong to the family rather than the individual. Or rather it feel like it (I’m aware that in ‘legal’ terms this is not the case oyswim)

They shouldn't sell or throw them away without offering them to younger members of the family first to keep, or if they need money, buy. Unless they're highly well-made items by famous makers they probably won't get much for them.

In my experience elderly people become detached from their possessions and my mother did a bit of this a few years before she died. It was quite difficult to talk to her about it. Good luck

Yes I do understand that not everything can be kept, I had to stop my DM keeping mink scarves...

I'm not sure, perhaps I associate these pieces with family pride. That is to say, yes we are an established family. How many people had great grandparents who owned a billiards table

OP - would you like the enormous 9 piece elm dining set that we inherited and never asked for? It swamps the room and we never use it. I'm afraid YABU OP, if every generation hung doggedly onto the last generations stuff we'd be dragging around tonnes of stuff from home to home. It's a bit of daft notion in practical terms.

I hate the idea of getting rid of things that have been in families for years but then look at my grandparents furniture, I don’t want to ever let it go but do I want it in my house? Maybe it’s better it’s purchased by someone who will love and treasure it rather than gathering dust in a loft.

If you want it then buy it.

Do you want the items because you actually like them or think they’re special pieces, or is it just because they’re old?