DH and house hold jobs. Rant alert.

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Not sure if I should prepare myself to be flamed 😉but I'm ready for it either way.

Is it the norm nowadays to thank your OH for doing a household chore? I work from home, so did a few hours yesterday evening, went down after finishing into the kithen, DH had put the washing machine on and washed some dishes, he wanted me to thank him and appreciate what he had done!!!!! Where is the appreciation for all the work that I do, the list is endless!!! Just wanted a RANT 😐😐

Did you ask him that question?

I have never thought about this before, but have realised that I do thank DH for housework, whereas he would never thank me. I am going to stop the thanking.

Apparently if I thank and appriciate him more, it will motivate him to do more jobs 😂

I have never thanked my DP for doing household chores, and he has never thanked me because its OUR house and they're jobs we share. I do thank him for making me a cup of tea as that's kindness and not expected! Buy him a medal online and present it to him in an over the top fashion every time he rinses a cup, show him how ridiculous he is being! What did he say to you, thank me for the jobs I've just done!?

I thank my DH and he says ‘why are you thanking me? I’m not doing you a favour.’ He’s right, obviously - I’m working on undoing the unconscious socialisation that makes me feel like somehow the housework is all my job which he helps with sometimes! Your DH is def unreasonable to want / expect thanks.

It does depend on your set up I think.
For example if;
Person As role in the house is to contribute housework, childcare, and 10% of finances,
And person Bs role is to contribute 90% of finances, and both agreed and are happy with this set up - this sentence is too long -, and then B performs some of As role, then yes, a thank you would be nice.
However, if;
Person A and person B work equal hours, and housework should be shared 50/50, then, no, a thank you should not be issued.

My DP does say well done to me. Eg “The kitchen (or wherever) looks lovely, well done.” I like that my efforts get noticed. But asking for thanks is different!

Why don’t you start demanding thanks and praise and appreciation when you’ve done your bit?

We thank each other all the time for doing the jobs, it’s nice to feel appreciated.

Same here, we thank each when we make a cup of tea, or if we plate up the dinner that's just basic manners.

My partner thanks me and I thank him. Neither of us enjoys housework so it's nice to feel appreciated.

If he asked me to thank him for something I'd reciprocate by asking to be thanked every time I did anything.

we do thank one another for doing chores, but I see it as a courteous acknowledgement that we are both doing our bit. It's just a brief 'thanks', the way I'd thank someone at work for getting a document to me at the time they said they would, ie doing what they were meant to.

If one of us had gone above and beyond, like shampooing the carpet (lol when has either of us ever done this) or cooking a really fantastic dinner and doing the washing up, I would probably be more effusive. I'd feel very appreciated. But I don't think normal chores need a whole song and dance made about them.

sorry not sure how to tag ppl.
ladycarlotta

exactly thats how i feel!! normal chores are everyone's responsibility, so i don't mind as much if i'm not thanked, otherwise we'd be living in a pigs sty (no offecnce to pigs).

I used to thank DH because he makes a point of telling me what he has done and I felt I had to show gratitude. Then I realised that is ridiculous, it's his house and mess too and probably more as it tends to stay cleaner and tidier when it's just me and DCs, so I stopped doing it. I don't expect a thank you when his washing appears clean and dry on the bed either.

We do thank each other for doing things. I suppose in a way it's to highlight to DSD we both help out around the house, otherwise I doubt she'd notice. That sounds a bit daft written down though.

YANBU though. If he wants you to thank him he should blooming well thank you too!

I always thank my husband for any household chores he does BUT he always thanks me too/comments how nice the house looks so it goes both ways. I think it’s important to appreciate each other and not take each other for granted—however, if your husband is huffing because you didn’t thank him and yet he never thanks you then that’s bullshit and you need to point out the unfairness and the covert sexism implied here.

I guess it depends. If something is normally my responsibility an DH does it for me I'll definitely thank him. If there's a very basic job that obviously needs doing (e.g. worktop needs wiping after everyone's made breakfast) then I'd expect him to just do it without fanfair. DH used to having an annoying habit of announcing that he had done something really basic (like moving the lunch plates to the sink) "for me". I picked him up on it enough times that he stopped.

We thank each other all the time tbh for doing things round the house, it works for us, I don’t feel taken for granted and nor does DH, I text him at the weekend to thank him for working so hard for all of us (I’m a SAHM & we’ve got two DC) and he called me straight away to thank me for saying that 😂 I mean don’t get me wrong he is by no means perfect & nor am I but I think appreciating your partner helps everything rub along a bit more easily.

I thank the checkout person who sells me my groceries, even though it’s their job. I thank the doctor who treats me, even though it’s their job. I thank the waiters who bring me food, even though it’s their job. I thank people in the office who do a piece of work I’ve asked them to do, even though it’s their job.

So even though I agree completely that DHs should do their fair share and not expect a medal, I dont see that saying “thank you” to your DH is somehow saying “it’s not your job, but I really gratefulyou did me this favour”.

DH tends to think doing anything in the house is doing ME a favour. He'll ask 'shall I take the bin out for you?'. To which I respond 'do I ever ask you if you want your fucking clothes washed?!'.

He doesn't get it 🙄

Ironically I have just fished for gratitude from DH because I've properly cleaned all the cupboard doors down etc.

All very much in jest'

He does most of the domestic drudgery but I do all the very many taxi duties and we both work FT though my day is longer.

Same as pp, we do equal chores he probably does a bit more than me and we thank each other.

Whyamisocold

Well said, he put the washing machine on, on his own accord in ages cos think he was running out of underwear and socks 😁 , but he thinks they magically fly out of the washing machine onto the clothes airer, and then magically appear on the kitchen radiator to dry and magically are then folded and put away upstairs. I don't expect a thanks for any of that.

No you should not have to thank someone for a doing a normal house hold chore.
Next you'll have to thank him for 'babysitting' his own kids

Shmithcat

Lol I normally get the "shall I do this or that" my usual response is if u want.

Blaablaablaa

😀😂 I've already had that 1. Left the boys with him 1 day for 5 hours. And he was tired the following day cos he looked after the kids 😀