DH and house hold jobs. Rant alert.

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Not sure if I should prepare myself to be flamed 😉but I'm ready for it either way.

Is it the norm nowadays to thank your OH for doing a household chore? I work from home, so did a few hours yesterday evening, went down after finishing into the kithen, DH had put the washing machine on and washed some dishes, he wanted me to thank him and appreciate what he had done!!!!! Where is the appreciation for all the work that I do, the list is endless!!! Just wanted a RANT 😐😐

o even though I agree completely that DHs should do their fair share and not expect a medal, I dont see that saying “thank you” to your DH is somehow saying “it’s not your job, but I really gratefulyou did me this favour”.

I think you're right it's nice to acknowledge people doing things even though it's their responsibility but the issue is when it's one way traffic (i.e. they expect thanks but would never dream of returning the thanks) or when the job is so minor that you can't possibly thank each other every time.

Poesycherish
My DS10 was stood next to us and he looked at me as if to say,"mum is dad for real"

I always thank DP for doing household jobs and likewise he always thanks me. It's basic manners.

Summerinsun
I totally agree, but saying thank you and asking for a thank you are 2 different things.

Dh and I both thank each other for doing things. I am aware that, because of my depression, he ends up carrying more of the burden of household tasks than I do, and it matters to me that he knows I appreciate this, and him for caring for me.

I do understand that doing chores is part of being an adult and that men who do them shouldn't think they are doing something miraculous, or some amazing favour for their spouse, so I don't think men deserve special thanks for doing chores - but I also think we all work better if we feel appreciated, and as long as the appreciation is going both ways, then thanking someone for doing a household chore isn't a bad thing.

I try to notice and give a nice comment, e.g. that I'm impressed at how he fitted everything in the dishwasher or that it was great that he spotted a task that needed doing as I hadn't noticed/had time, but I don't tend to say thank you unless DS does a task that's allocated to me. If all tasks are taken by whoever is free first after the children are in bed, the reward is that we have more time to relax together. I also comment on how nice that is.

If you are appreciative of each other then that's fine, but it sounds like he expects thanks, but doesn't give it in return.

The main concern for me here is that you are asking whether that's OK. Of course it isn't.

How did you get in this situation? Have you historically always done the housework, maybe asking him to do things now and again?

Do you have Alexa? Ask her for a fanfare every time. Present him with a medal the size of a dinner plate and make him wear it. Take the utter piss out of him. He deserves it.

DH and I thank each other but it should never be one sided.

I sometimes thank DH, but not always, and he thanks me about the same amount of time. Actually tbh he probably thanks me more than I do him (proportionally - I do more of the household chores atm as I'm on mat leave) . But neither of us would expect to be thanked, as it's just part of running a household that we are both responsible for, but it is nice to feel appreciated and tbh I think I value it more than him because it means that he actually recognises the hard work that I do at home when he is out. He thanks me for looking after DD and all! I think it's not the words but just that I feel valued and that he recognises, even if he doesn't completely understand, how difficult it is for me (DD is not an easy baby!).

It sounds like he sees household responsibilities and childcare as your job and feels like he's doing you a massive favour by helping out.

All joking aside this isn't acceptable and will breed resentment.

Make him a star chart?

Of course I do, we both do. DH thanks me for getting dinner and i thank him for clearing up, though this is our normal pattern of life. It is only polite and engenders loving and romantic feelings. Being taken for granted isn't nice.

Give him a sarcastic slow clap every time. He'll get the message.

Theorigbrave

Yes that's exactly it, I am a SAHM but also WFH part time, so I've always done everything but have never expected a thanks in return, as I've felt that he goes out to work and provides for the family, which I have no problem with. It just the fact that he wants a thanks for doing a household chore.

I get told 'kitchen looks nice' or 'ooh the place smells lovely and fresh' etc. I do say thanks when he does stuff. I know he's not a puppy that should need praise but it's really not hard to say thanks by way of a compliment as per above, even if you internally roll your eyes. Helps them keep up the good work

"I've done for you" is the biggest piss take. Taking the bins out is required in a home, taking them out is not doing it FOR YOU. Please, stop enabling these overgrown man babies - clothes need washing, wash them. Floor needs hoovering, do it. Asking for praise or acting like it's such a huge contribution rather than adults living together is just ridiculous!

If my DP makes a lovely dinner or a cup of tea of COURSE I say thank you. But if he hoovers I don't thank him! And he doesn't thank me for sticking a wash on - and neither of us asks for thanks! It's the asking that beggars belief!

MatildaTheCat

Make him a star chart?

Lol

JellyBaby666

"I've done for you" is the biggest piss take. Taking the bins out is required in a home, taking them out is not doing it FOR YOU. Please, stop enabling these overgrown man babies - clothes need washing, wash them. Floor needs hoovering, do it. Asking for praise or acting like it's such a huge contribution rather than adults living together is just ridiculous!

If my DP makes a lovely dinner or a cup of tea of COURSE I say thank you. But if he hoovers I don't thank him! And he doesn't thank me for sticking a wash on - and neither of us asks for thanks! It's the asking that beggars belief!

Well said, 👏👏

LOL my DH used to be like this. Massive pat on the back please for cleaning the kitchen once a week.

It doesn't happen any more. In fact, since I went away for a few days midweek last month, he has even started making packed lunches for the kids. He still likes to point out that he's done this, and that he's trying very hard to 'help me'. But still. progress!

Sugarbum

Can I send you my DH , once he's trained you can send him back 😆 pretty please.

I think the fact you're a sahm should have been included in the op. I think some of the answers would have been different. Most of the responses are presuming you and he are working out of the house equal amounts.

No, we don't. We don't expect it, either. It's lifework. It needs done. We see something, we do it.

So he washed his own pants and socks as a favour to you?