To ask how to manage toddler tantrum in middle of road

[coffeeforone]

I'm having difficulty managing my 2 year olds tantrums when crossing the road.

Twice in the past week I've had the following situation;

Picking DS1 from nursery. It's a short walk from home but need to cross 2 busy roads. The bigger main road has a pedestrian crossing so fine. DS loves proper crossings/waiting for green man so crossing safely is no issue. However the other road there is nowhere safe to cross, it's fairly constant traffic so I just need to wait for a gap in road, and walk across with toddler holding hand. Problem is road has lots of potholes and DS gets distracted, wants to jump in the puddles etc, so if he starts messing I literally have to drag him off the road resulting in a tantrum on the corner of a busy junction. I have newborn DS2 in sling so find myself desperately negotiating/bribing DS1 to calm down, especially difficult when it's heavy rain so more puddles and more temptation around.

There is nowhere else to cross this section, it's not a 'main' road hence the lack of crossing, it just gets busy.

Any tips would be appreciated!

If you can't rely on him to cross sensibly, you pick him up before you cross. Safety first.

Give him a stern talking to before you go? Grip and drag? Was gonna say carry but you have baby too.

Reigns. Or buggy.

I pick my almost 3 year old up to cross dangerous roads, while pushing the baby in the buggy.

I'd go for the under the shoulder drag in this situation. You can't mess about on roads.

Use a buggy or tell him he will be in one if he won't walk nicely.

I would be tempted to take a pushchair with you. We had/ have similar issues with a very wilful 3 year old who would just run off on the way back from nursery. He's really strong and it's literally trying to wrestle him. He doesn't always like sitting in the pushchair now (he's almost 4) but back at 2 I could strap him in and if he had a tantrum, well so be it, at least I knew he couldn't dart into the road.

It's a difficult age. They really want to be independent but don't have the skills and sense yet to be safe.

Do what you need to do to get across the road safely - carry/ drag and then deal with it on the other side.

And try and remember all things pass - in a couple of weeks this will no longer be a problem - he will be trying your patience in a completely new way!

Reins. Or pick him up round his middle (like a sack of potatoes!) and carry him like that. Mine crossed many roads in that manner when they were being brats

Upper arm grip. Hold it fairly high so he keeps his legs straight.

Ds gets rugby balled when he does things like that. Just last night he tried to sit in a puddle in the middle of the road while crossing.

Could you put him in a pram? Dodging traffic and potholes in the rain whilst dragging a toddler sounds like a nightmare.

Or decide on a designated puddle jumping area. Tell him he can have five puddle jumps there but none in the road. Instead the game on the road is to see how quickly you can cross.

Gosh I remember those days!

I'd go with the buggy option! A tantrum over getting in the buggy is better than a roadside tantrum!

During this phase I'd use a buggy - it doesn't matter who goes in it.
Newborn in pram and then a hand for DS, so that if he's unsafe you can scoop him up quickly in one arm while pushing baby in pram.
Or newborn in sling and pram for DS if he's difficult - but then you risk a kicking toddler kicking the newborn on your chest.

Also - road saftey at all times, talk a lot about looking both ways when you cross the road, and crossing quickly and safely - do this with all roads not just the one he's difficult with.
Puddles and potholes can only be played with on pavements/gardens etc - never on roads. That way he' doesn't get confused about why sometimes he can dawdle their and sometimes he can't.

pick him up and carry both, if this doesn't works buggy

Thanks, he hasn't been in a buggy for 6 months, so doubt I could wrestle him into one now. I suppose I could buggy the baby and carry DS1.

It would be a bit faffy at nursery as can't take buggy in but maybe I can have baby in sling inside nursery, then transfer to buggy so I can carry DS1 and push buggy. Maybe that is the answer.

I have a baby and a nearly two year old. It's a squish for baby but a toddler can go on the hip or under your arm. I'd probably grab and go

Maybe try going out at other times of the day for walks and just cross as many roads as possible! Get him involved in looking for cars and stop look listen ect. Practice safe crossing and explain why you can't stop and get them to repeat it back. Even when there's no distractions talk about why you have to cross safely and why you can't jump in the puddles and stop ect praise them when they get it right. Stop and cross properly at every side road. It might sink in eventually!
There's great road safety stuff on line and in the library that explains why you have to cross safely and sensibly in toddler terms.
As for the temper just let him get on with it
Put him as far from the road as possible and let him go for it. It'll get old eventually when he realises it's not fun or getting him anything any more or threaten them with a buggy. That usually works.
Sorry can't think of any quick fixes I'm afraid :(

Put the baby in a pushchair / pram. Carry the toddler over the road until he can guarantee crossing with no messing. Don't negotiate or bribe when safety is the issue - you need a consistent no and consequence. If you carry on as you are rewarding his misbehaviour on the road with lots of attention and treats at the worst time - (when he is feeling you and baby have been together while he has been dumped in nursery)

If it is possible to put the baby in a pram then the walk home with him could be time to share just with him rather than a battle ground.

How old is he. If he's 2 or more you need to start with really clear instructions about "how we cross roads" and "cars are dangerous".

Other than that you carry him or drag him. Use reins if you have to and don't hesitate to get really cross with him if he wont cross nicely (depending on his age of course). If he can understand what's required then this definitely counts as naughty behaviour.

Could you try a little bribery? Get some stickers of his favourite character, paw patrol or some such. Show said sticker before crossing road, tell him he can have one if a good boy crossing road etc, then stick one on him on the other side making a big fuss of him. Would work on some kids but not all I admit. Generally would go with the pick up option but that’s tough with a newborn in a sling.

Carry him on your hip as you cross the road. But also keep trying strong leadership - 'we;re crossing the road, it's dangerous, we go straight across and then we'll find a puddle'. Tell him what your expectations are rather than 'don't dos'. Tell him when you leave nursery, tell him when you cross the first road, then praise for style of crossing at that one, relay the expectation AGAIN before you get to the dangerous road. If he doesn't do it scoop on to hip and that's that.

Make him responsible. We have to keep you and Mummy and baby safe, can you tell me when there's no cars so we can go straight across. Once you have got us across safely we will look for puddles on the pavement/ kick leaves/choose a sticker for your safety chart - insert whatever will focus him most on what awaits him once he's safe again.

I had two babies 16 months apart. Toddler reins were essential.
I also, from very small, used to get them to “tell mummy when it was safe to cross”, by looking at the oncoming cars, picking a safe spot between parked cars etc. Obviously if they misjudged speeds I wouldn’t let them step out, but I got them drilled into a road safety routine by sheer repetition.
I can’t recommend reins highly enough - they’re brilliant with unsteady toddlers learning to walk. If they start to fall, you simply jerk the reins up, and it stops them skinning their knees on the pavement or tearing their trousers!
They’re also vital to stop toddlers running into the road. It only takes a split second for them to slip their hand out of yours and run under a car. I’ve treated a brain damaged 3 year old in ITU who did just that - his poor parents were heartbroken.

You put reins on him and bundle him up under your arm if he won’t walk.

He is only two, he does not yet have the mental capacity to understand the dangers of the road. You need to have the failsafeof the reins.