To ask how to manage toddler tantrum in middle of road

[coffeeforone]

I'm having difficulty managing my 2 year olds tantrums when crossing the road.

Twice in the past week I've had the following situation;

Picking DS1 from nursery. It's a short walk from home but need to cross 2 busy roads. The bigger main road has a pedestrian crossing so fine. DS loves proper crossings/waiting for green man so crossing safely is no issue. However the other road there is nowhere safe to cross, it's fairly constant traffic so I just need to wait for a gap in road, and walk across with toddler holding hand. Problem is road has lots of potholes and DS gets distracted, wants to jump in the puddles etc, so if he starts messing I literally have to drag him off the road resulting in a tantrum on the corner of a busy junction. I have newborn DS2 in sling so find myself desperately negotiating/bribing DS1 to calm down, especially difficult when it's heavy rain so more puddles and more temptation around.

There is nowhere else to cross this section, it's not a 'main' road hence the lack of crossing, it just gets busy.

Any tips would be appreciated!

Thanks for all the advice and tips - very helpful!

Your two year old is scared, scoop up and put under arm. A lot of kids that age still use pushchair, not a bad idea in those circumstances.

I also, from very small, used to get them to “tell mummy when it was safe to cross”, by looking at the oncoming cars, picking a safe spot between parked cars etc. Obviously if they misjudged speeds I wouldn’t let them step out, but I got them drilled into a road safety routine by sheer repetition

You might have just saved my sanity @babdoc

OP I have a 2.5 year old, same situation. It became untenable when she broke away - twice in one week - into traffic. It was a miracle she wasn’t killed.

I’d suggest your options are:

1. Get a buggy, put baby in buggy and handhold DS when crossing road (get a single handle one if you can like the Joie Aire).
2. Double buggy. DD had been walking for a while very well and then started acting out every time. We had to do the double for my sanity and her safety.
3. Stay as is but come up with “crossy road prizes” as a PP suggests. Trouble is this will take a bit of time to embed as isn’t failsafe but you could do stickers at the time PLUS reward chart star when he gets home? 3 stars in a week = prize? That’s what we are doing to variable degree of success.

I know exactly how stressful this is and I feel for you x

(I have a 1 year old too btw)

I'm so pleased some have you have mentioned dragging, as I did that to a friend's son once, years ago, in a similar situation, and have felt guilty ever since. Similar situation to the OP - we were crossing a busy main road with no crossing nearby. My friend had her daughter in a car seat and bags in her other hand, I was holding her son's hand and my other hand was full. Halfway across the road he decides to sit down and won't budge. There were cars waiting in both lanes, so I didn't really have the option to wait it out. So I started walking again, dragging him along the ground. He was not happy (and nor was I) but it seemed the best option. Thought his mother might not be best pleased but, luckily for me, she realised that I'd done the best I could and told him off for misbehaving.

15 years later and he's still talking to me, so I don't think I've caused him any lasting damage!

I think you have to be super strict about crossing ALL roads. Be consistent. Don't let him stop and jump in puddles on ANY road, however small.

I have a 4 year old who does this, total nightmare. Thankfully he is the youngest so I usually have an older one to help but if not it's reins or me carrying him across the road.

Definitely reins. I don't see many people using them but I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old and the reins are a lifesaver (literally).
If your child doesn't like going in the pushchair I would take it with me and use it as a threat - "if you don't walk nicely across the road then you are going in the pushchair" etc

I was going to say buggy. If he doesn't like the buggy any more, that's even better. Maybe a couple of times will be enough. It's a threat...

I do like the threat of the buggy idea - though I don't think I'd be in a position to carry out the threat if needed, as he'd kick the baby.

Can you not sling baby AND carry toddler? I don't think you need a buggy it's only to cross the road. I'm just saying as I have actually done this with my baby and 2 year old nephew a few years back. Frequently having to half carry/ drag him to get to school on time for older kids. (I realise some parents would frown at this but I've never actually hurt my nephew!)

But yes to what others have said. Safety is not negotiable he follows the rules or gets no choice. No choice being rugby balling across the road.

I sometimes take a buggy for this exact reason. He doesn’t need it or want it, but if he doesn’t walk nicely, then in he goes. If you are worried about him kicking the baby in the sling, then the alternative is baby in pram and forcefully carry him if he can’t walk nicely.

I'd go for the under the shoulder drag in this situation. You can't mess about on roads.
I think basically yes, this.

Can you not sling baby AND carry toddler?

Only if toddler is calm, if he starts kicking then it's more difficult to keep baby safe.

I’d use reins with him then if he starts to muck about you can just pick him up by the strap across his back and carry across the road. Advantage of this is you can do it with a baby in a sling and it doesn’t yank on any of his joints.

If he doesn’t want to wear reins he has to prove he can cross a road sensibly for a week with them on before they get taken off.

I never mastered reins. Either ended up with toddler sitting down in protest or airborne.

Also be careful with dragging 2 year olds. You can dislocate toddler arms doing that.

I had a problem getting my son to the car from school when he was 3 for practically the whole year (how I didn't tear my hair out or kill him I'll never know), he would lie on the floor nearly every day crying his eyes out because he didn't want to come home. No amount of bribery, telling him off etc would work, the teachers would end up helping me because they needed to lock the gates!
I had my other younger son in the pram and I used to end up plonking him on the handle bar and pushing him to the car. Once he got to the car he was fine! Thankfully he stopped doing it 😱

I would put him in the buggy. He is 2 years old and can't cross a road. It doesn't really matter if he hasn't been in one for 6months. If you want him to go in, you just put him in. 2 year olds don't get to dictate their mode of transport.

@howabout that's my worry with reins - DS hates them.

I'm going to try baby in pram as per your (and several other PP) suggestion. Baby will scream blue murder in pram, and it's a a bit of a faff in nursery taking baby in/out but I think it's the safest option.

DS hates reins? Then he goes in the buggy. Either he’s old enough to make the choice of reins, buggy or walk properly or he’s not. He’s not because he messes around in the road.

With reins you don’t have to have them trotting along compliant at all times - I used to loop my arm through and hold hands. If needed, I could grab the back and carry him one handed. This was employed multiple times to cross the road!

If your baby is in the buggy then this doesn’t really address the issue with your toddler?

Lift him

Good strong reins.
Pick them up by the harness and remove everyone from the middle of the road quickly and efficiently.
Use a buggy in traffic wherever possible.

I can sympathise as I have a tantrum prone two year old and also need to collect my three year old from nursery whilst pregnant. So whilst I don’t have a baby in a sling, I do feel the need to protect my bump and will carry DD2 facing outwards so kicks etc have no effect. Occasionally I have no choice other than to carry them both at the same time. It is difficult but for a short road crossing, it’s manageable. DD1 and 2 hate going in the pram so I use it as a threat and will tell them they either behave or go in the pram next time and then I make them go in the pram if they misbehave.

It’s just a tricky age at the best of times.

Could you get a buggy board for the pram. Stand him on that to cross busy roads.

Mine both did this. They got dragged and a stern no. Then a calm discussion at home about roads etc.. It didn't happen many times and now mostly good. Consistency important for us. Cross in exact same place every day, same message etc.