To ask how to manage toddler tantrum in middle of road

[coffeeforone]

I'm having difficulty managing my 2 year olds tantrums when crossing the road.

Twice in the past week I've had the following situation;

Picking DS1 from nursery. It's a short walk from home but need to cross 2 busy roads. The bigger main road has a pedestrian crossing so fine. DS loves proper crossings/waiting for green man so crossing safely is no issue. However the other road there is nowhere safe to cross, it's fairly constant traffic so I just need to wait for a gap in road, and walk across with toddler holding hand. Problem is road has lots of potholes and DS gets distracted, wants to jump in the puddles etc, so if he starts messing I literally have to drag him off the road resulting in a tantrum on the corner of a busy junction. I have newborn DS2 in sling so find myself desperately negotiating/bribing DS1 to calm down, especially difficult when it's heavy rain so more puddles and more temptation around.

There is nowhere else to cross this section, it's not a 'main' road hence the lack of crossing, it just gets busy.

Any tips would be appreciated!

If the pram will work best for now, then do that. But I would recommend persevering with reins. Keep trying them every week or two, you may find he comes round to them.

I’ve managed to get 2.3yo DS to tolerate them now. Which is such a relief because he’s massive and quick and he will bolt in the blink of an eye, he totally fearless. If i need to cross a road or get somewhere quickly, I lift the reins so he’s more on tiptoes, then he is easier to control. If he refuses or sits down, he either gets bundled horizontally under one arm or if all else fails, he gets dragged. It’s not the prettiest parenting you’re likely to see, but it stops him getting hurt, and I’m fine with that.

Under arm rugby ball carry should keep toddler fails away from baby.

I don't use a buggy because of where I live (steps and steep hills) so DD used reins from when she started walking. Airborne marionette does the job in the middle of the road!

I never had this problem as never two young ones so close together so this is just a suggestion, could you make this a time to teach him the safe cross code song, if he's focused on you and the steps, looking for a safe place, letting traffic pass, then walking straight across and singing he may be less distracted by puddles, my little fellow loved it

Yep under arm carry and tell him that if he doesn’t cross nicely he will have to go back into a pushchair because cars are dangerous.

You need to talk to him. Explain that it's not ok to play on roads because it's dangerous. Explain that you have to walk across them sensibly holding hands. Explain that he can play puddles the other side when on the pavement. Be very clear. Remind him of this rule prior to leaving nursery. Remind again just before crossing the road. Practice your mum voice. And no should mean no in all situations so when you use your sharp mum voice to say no in a safety situation such as he's about to run out in the road it will stop him dead in his tracks.

Have you got a buggy board? I found that a lifesaver. I'm assuming you have a baby in buggy also.

I used a reins backpack and only used it if they didn't walk properly on roads etc. There is a little handle on the back you can grab to stop them running.

In the middle of the road I would definitely grab and carry over.

I'd maybe use the safer one to practise and give more leeway

On reaching the road before attempting to cross. Drop to his level 'Now X we need to cross this road and it is busy and dangerous, are you going to hold Mummy's hand and cross nicely like a big boy or is Mummy going to have to pick you up and carry you like a baby?'
I strongly suspect he will want to cross like a big boy.

When you successfully complete the cross bob down again 'thank you X for crossing the road so nicely like the big boy you are, Mummy is so proud of you. '

I'd put the newborn in a pram and then your DS on a buggy board, that way you've got your arms either side of him and can keep in where he should be.

I used backpack reins too, quite snugly fitted so the backpack didn't move much on him. The strap to hold was usually in the backpack so he could walk freely but I could hold onto the backpack's top handle while we crossed the road. He seemed to trip less like that and also tantrum less than when he held my hand, I think maybe because his balance isn't great. If he misbehaved on the road or tried to dangle from it, I'd just continue and carry him across by the backpack handle and then sort him out on the pavement. It didn't look great but it never seemed to be uncomfortable for him or left a mark even in summer clothes.

I found I couldn't manage without a double buggy for this very reason. Got a cheap second hand one and although it was a bit of a nuisance it did not compare to the physical effort (and sometimes pain) of dragging a kicking nearly-2 yr old around while having a baby in a sling. And you can't negotiate with a middle of the road tantrum.

There's also the 'shopping bag' technique:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6396849/Fed-father-picks-two-year-old-daughter-coat-carries-like-shopping-bag.html

I had to hoik DS off the road onto the pavement many a time. It's a short but (for them) glorious phase where they have realised that the middle of the road is the BEST place to stage a malfunction, because all your usual behaviour management processes don't apply.

I literally just went with "No." Hoik. Continue walk without further discussion.

Thanks - We do have a buggy board too so that would work too. I guess I was just trying to go without pram as baby only settles in sling and I can't take pram inside nursery so it's a bit of a juggle with baby and no sling.

Literally pick him up and Chuck him over your shoulder/under your arm. Or put him in a toddler carrier on your back.

Grip his hand and dash over. His feet barely touching the ground.

Or grip his hand and say .... “race you” and then two of you run across

Or
“IF you show me you can walk nicely across this road, you can watch some CBeebies when home

If all else fails, carry him under your arm like a roll of carpet, facing away from you so they you don’t get caught by flailing limbs. I’ve had to do this more times than I care to remember!

If you do go for the drag, don't hold onto their wrist or lower arm. There's a risk you could dislocate the elbow. Upper arm/ armpit or rugby ball carry all work in my experience.

I used to give the side-eye to parents using reins, then became a parent and realised that keeping my kid safe was worth all the side-eye in the world. My mum told me about the time she looked away from my (always obedient and well-behaved) 3yo brother for a few seconds while she collapsed the pram down and was holding baby me, and in that time he stepped into the road (he was fetching the ball that had rolled out from under a neighbour's gate to return it back to his doggy friend) and he was very nearly hit by a car - she used reins as a backup ever since, not because she struggled to discipline, but because toddlers aren't always rational and it's just not worth the risk.

Backpack reins are good, makes them feel like adults and they can keep some toys and snacks in there, then they are sometimes happy to wear them.

Reins and hoike him up at the road.

No, no dont do "race you" or one day he'll make a break for it before you get hold of his hand so he can win.

Well fitting reins. Any buggering about and they can be quickly elevated and carried like a bag.

When mine does this I pick her up like a surfboard!

I wouldnt leave the house without reins.

One set of chest reins and a.wrist strap looped through the handle or back pack reins are needed. That or a pushchair.