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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate people giving my daughters nicknames?

102 replies

thatblue · 27/11/2018 19:06

I have twin DD's who are 6. Their names are Francesca and Harriet. I absolutely adore their names, and couldn't imagine ever shortening them. I had parents evening tonight and had to tell the teacher multiple times that their names are Francesca and Harriet, not Frankie and Harry. Nothing against anyone who does shorten those names, I just think the names are beautiful, and I'm not keen on the shortened versions. Turns out they even had the nicknames written on some of their books!

AIBU to tell the teacher to just politely tell them to use their full names, or should I just accept defeat and let them go by the shorter names? The girls said they aren't overly bothered.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 27/11/2018 19:23

I abhor nicknames. So does DH. We both have names that people always responded with “what do you actually go by” and found it odd we liked our full names. Therefore DD has a short name that strongly resists nicknaming. We didn’t consider anything that didn’t meet that criteria.

Spanglylycra · 27/11/2018 19:24

I think they are beautiful names with quite funky shortened versions. It wouldn't bother me. Could be worse - Fanny and Hazza!

Original poster
thatblue · 27/11/2018 19:30

spanglylycra Harriet's nickname when she was first born was Hazza, but that only lasted about a week when my DH just turned to me and told me he couldn't say it without cringing!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 27/11/2018 19:31

My ds is Patrick. He is known by, I think, 6 different versions by different people. I like it- he has lots of connections with lots of people.

Rowdythree · 27/11/2018 19:36

My daughter is called Francesca and it never gets shortened. She doesn't like it and everyone has dealt with it. I think the long version suits who she is too, iykwim?

I wouldn't be very happy with the nick names on school books though

MiddlingMum · 27/11/2018 19:39

There was a Francesca at my school in the 70s. Shortened to Fanny. Be grateful your DD is being called Frankie (which I quite like btw).

user1472334322 · 27/11/2018 19:39

I know a 8 year old Harriet and she's always called by her full name. It suits her.
I also know two 4 year old Francescas. One goes by Chessie and the other is Chesca.

SumAndSubstance · 27/11/2018 19:42

frankie is the natural shortening of Francesca

I've taught a few Francescas, but never a Frankie. They were Francesca, Fran or Cesca.

sobeyondthehills · 27/11/2018 19:46

DS has an unusual name, which can be shortened into a more normal name, this was on purpose, however I did hope he wouldn't shorten it, in year R and Yr 1, the teachers called him his full name in Yr 2 he was very vocal about what name he wanted to be called (shortened version) its his name, most names you get a choice with what you want to be called.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 27/11/2018 19:46

Love Cesca.

Ds had a girlfriend called Harri when he was about 15. It took me a while to get used to it, but I adored the name after a while.

carrotflinger · 27/11/2018 19:47

The names should not be shortened on the school books.
I also don't think the teacher should be using the nicknames. I taught for several years and we were always told that we were not to use nicknames. Full names only unless a parent came in and said that the child was to be called by the shortened name.
You can't do anything about other children shortening the names.
I'd mention it to the teacher - if you don't want the shortened name used then tell them. The children can decide for themselves later what name they want to go by - but official correspondence would have the official name on it anyway.

QueenGoblin · 27/11/2018 19:47

I have a long first name (9 letters), it's fairly unusual without being weird, and there are quite a few possible shortenings/nicknames I could have.

I nearly always go by my full name. My husband occasionally uses a nickname, one shared friend and husbands family always use the nickname my husband uses (follow his lead I guess!)

I had one friend at primary school who used a nickname, but no one else did. Teachers never attempted to use one, even though none of them could ever spell my name correctly.

I don't think of myself as the nickname, I never introduce myself with it. None of my family have EVER shortened my name. I don't hate the nickname, it's basically the only one I deem acceptable if someone has to use one.

My point is, just because a handful of people may call them something doesn't mean it will stick. However, they may end up preferring to be known as their nickname. But that's their choice.

LJdorothy · 27/11/2018 19:47

I would only write a shortened form on a school exercise book if I'd asked the child and that was the name the child wanted to be called. On the register she'd be Francesca, so I'm guessing your daughter must have had a conversation with the teacher saying she preferred Frankie.

Lovemusic33 · 27/11/2018 19:50

My daughters name gets shortened at school too and when I go to parents evening they use the shortened version, I’m not keen on it but dd seems to like it and now she’s 12 there’s probably not much I can do, I call her by her full name at home.

starandson · 27/11/2018 19:51

Let the girls decide. My mum wouldn’t let anyone shorten my name and now nicknames (of my name) just feel weird and unnatural, I’d have loved one.

PippaPug · 27/11/2018 19:53

Francesca is a very good name Wink

I didn’t like my name till I was mid teens so everyone called me Fran....now I love my name I introduce myself as Francesca, some people will shorten to Fran which I don’t mind....my Parents call me Francrsca, Fran and when I was younger, Chesca Cesca or Chessie - all dependant on their moods!

Speak to them and see if they prefer a nickname or would just want their full name

PippaPug · 27/11/2018 19:53

Auto fail on my own name 😂😂
Francesca

Iamclearlyamug · 27/11/2018 19:53

My friends daughter is called Harriet and it's shortened to Hattie - I think it's really nice.

As for Francesca, I love the name but also dislike the shortened Frankie, and would go all Jilly Cooper and shorten to Chessie

PinguDance · 27/11/2018 20:00

Interesting you call them nicknames - to me nicknames are like ‘Gibbo’ or ‘Duk’ or ‘no man pam’ etc. I just think those are very likely short versions of those names.

I have a long name that is commonly shortened but no one even tries with me, I get the full 3 syllables! I actually think Harriet is quite hard to say tho - I know that sounds stupid but I think it comes out as a mumble so I Catullus think Harry or Hattie are nicer.

onthenaughtystepagain · 27/11/2018 20:05

Surely when choosing names parents consider possible abbreviations, they're not really nicknames? Whatever you consider possible something you never thought of will occur!

meercat23 · 27/11/2018 20:08

I am afraid in my experience, whatever you decide about names or nicknames, in the end they will call themselves what they and their friends want.

I gave my daughter what I considered was a very pretty name. Aged nine she announced that from that point on she would be known by her chosen nickname. I had no real objection to the nickname but the spelling she was not usually pronounced the way she wanted it to be but was actually a different word all together. I explained until I was blue in the face. Various teachers, who were happy with the nickname just not the spelling, explained until they were blue in the face. And so here we are, my adult daughter is still known by that name and that spelling. [Grin]

starzig · 27/11/2018 20:24

I have a nightmare trying to stop people shortening my name. I was fine through school and as soon as I moved to England it was ridiculous the number of people that just decided to shorten my name.

MsSquiz · 27/11/2018 20:32

A friend of mine is called Danielle and over the years she has been called:
Dan
Dani
Dee
Nelly

By various friends, family & partners and for the most part now she's in her 30s, goes by her full name

I think you just have to accept that people will be given nicknames, regardless of the name.

Linziepie · 27/11/2018 21:00

i also hate frankie but love cesca or chess.

m0therofdragons · 27/11/2018 21:04

My dd told her teacher her nickname was "Bear Bear" and that's what she wrote on all her books. I do call her my little bear Blush