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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ignore request for trash for Christmas

72 replies

Electricfairy · 27/11/2018 12:46

DIL has made a suggestion about Christmas present for our two DGDs (5 & 10). This is helpfully meant. They want tokens to spend in a shop that sells Chinese-made plastic trash. I am not a paragon of environmental virtue (a lot of stuff in our house is almost certainly made in China by sweatshop labour, but we do try and avoid this if possible - and, crucially, we can usually afford to do so), and it would be grotesque of me to lecture DIL on why I'm not happy to accede to this request. (We have already got various other stuff for them, but as yet no main big present.) AIBU to ignore this suggestion and get something else without explaining why?

OP posts:

kenandbarbie · 27/11/2018 12:46

What shop?

NonaGrey · 27/11/2018 12:47

AIBU to ignore this suggestion and get something else without explaining why?

It’s up to you where you spend your money but not explaining why is a bad move.

stopeatingthatpls · 27/11/2018 12:48

What shop is it?

AIBU to ignore this suggestion and get something else without explaining why?
Yes, YABU. Get them someone else if you really feel that strongly about it but at least explain why you didn’t get what they asked for.

LoveWasAccidental · 27/11/2018 12:49

If you don't mind not having a physical present to give them, I would give cash and they can choose to spend on rubbish if they want. It's their look out then.

If you want to give them a physical present then get something else and tell your DIL you really enjoy choosing for them and you hope it's OK?

Holidayshopping · 27/11/2018 12:50

What shop?

Ginnymweasley · 27/11/2018 12:52

If you don't like the suggestion that your dil has made you should at least tell her why you have chosen to buy other things otherwise it looks horrible to ask and then completely ignore with no explanation.
But kids liking plastic tat is not that unusual surely.

Willow1992 · 27/11/2018 12:52

Why don't you compromise and spend just a very small amount on the tokens so it's more a stocking filler size present and get them a different main present?

Thymeout · 27/11/2018 12:59

Why don't you give them actual money and leave it up to them where to spend it? If you don't want to give them a lecture about your views as a reason, cite the fact that vouchers can be a bit risky at the moment with shops closing down suddenly.

I feel like you about large amounts spent on tat, but presents should be what they want, not what you want them to want. And, if it's cash, they have more flexibility about where to spend it.

Feb2018mumma · 27/11/2018 12:59

If that's what they asked for they will be expecting it and probably be disappointed with anything else? Also I doubt she wants a house full of plastic tat, I planned a lovely wooden toy filled house but everyone bought me plastic everything and my son loves it!

Piffle11 · 27/11/2018 13:02

Most of the things my DC got last year could be described as plastic tat, and I've no doubt that the majority - if not all - was made in China. However, one year on my DC are still playing with these toys, so it's not like the trashy stocking fillers that end up broken or thrown out by Boxing Day. I think you should give your DGC what they have asked for: my MIL often asks me for ideas for Christmas presents and then completely ignores my suggestions: it's very annoying. If you do decide you can't go along with DIL's suggestion then you really need to explain why and perhaps she could offer an alternative.

NotMeNoNo · 27/11/2018 13:07

We have many worthy presents from GPs, I now realise they ONLY shop in National Trust shops which explains the pretty but useless wooden vintage style toys.
Does the shop only sell trash or could they get Lego. In fact why not get them some Lego anyway?

user1andonly · 27/11/2018 13:08

Could you find a compromise, perhaps buy vouchers for a fiver/tenner each to spend on whatever tat they want but explain that you'd rather get something that would last a bit longer for their main present and see if they have any more suggestions? No point wasting money on something lovely that will just gather dust if it doesn't appeal to them.

I get where you are coming from but have been in your dils shoes where the dc really just want cash/vouchers and the fun of spending it on tat of their choice!

Enidblyton1 · 27/11/2018 13:09

It really depends what ‘plastic tat’ it actually is. Shops like Smiggle can seem awful to someone who has never been inside (and marginally less awful to someone who has!). But in most shops you can pick and chose the better items.
Gift tokens are great fun for children to receive, as it’s an opportunity to shop for themselves.

BunsOfAnarchy · 27/11/2018 13:11

What shop?
Give them money/vouchers instead

PegLegAntoine · 27/11/2018 13:24

The whole point is that she doesn’t want to give vouchers though

ReanimatedSGB · 27/11/2018 13:25

Did you ask her what they wanted, or did she just tell you? IN general, if you ask someone for their wish list and then ignore it, you are being condescending and rude. But if she rang you out of the blue, then she's being a bit rude, as well.

Overall I agree with PP - maybe give them cash to spend as they like.

puzzledlady · 27/11/2018 13:27

I’m curious - what shop only sells ‘Chinese trash’ - very rude term by the way.

MarvinMarvinson · 27/11/2018 13:31

I don't understand. You buy Chinese made plastic trash yourself but want to police the buying of plastic trash by your grandchildren? Why? If you are worried about environmental impact then do more yourself to stop it but don't force it upon other people.

SuperSuperSuper · 27/11/2018 13:31

Tbh OP it seems silly to ask what they want, and then ignore their response. Also...It wouldn't be sensible to buy something you deem more appropriate...it could end up in landfill after 2 years in the back of a cupboard.

BlackrockMum · 27/11/2018 13:31

its only a suggestion not an edict, of course you can ignore without being rude, but as you said to explain your reasons would be rude, but if they are expecting this its probably' cos they think kids will have enough toys at xmas and might be nice to go out later for a shopping day, why not get panto tickets or something and just say to DIL as GP I felt a real present was necessary, not vouchers or tokens, but fully understand they have lots of toys so I got x instead

RhiWrites · 27/11/2018 13:33

Toys are not supposed to be “buy it for life” purchases. They are ways for children to have fun and calibrate what they enjoy. They made want it because of fashion, enjoy it because others have them, completely independently decide they like it - or lose interest and not bother again.

But if you don’t want to but these things say “love, I’m just not a huge fan of [shop name] is there anything else they’d like?”

Birdsgottafly · 27/11/2018 13:35

If you really care about the environment, give cash.

Buying something that someone doesn't want is a non present. If the don't recycle, it might end up in the bin. Even something being given to charity, adds to landfill etc.

Im minimal and went Vegan for environmental reasons. I don't do cards/balloons etc.

But I hate it when people get pompous over wanted presents for children.

By buying unwanted and unasked for stuff, you are adding to the problem that over consumsion is causing.

BakerBear · 27/11/2018 13:36

I take it you mean primark?

Starlight345 · 27/11/2018 13:44

Tbh . I struggle to think of a shop that isn’t like that.

The point of a present is to buy something they would value not you

youngestisapsycho · 27/11/2018 13:46

Smiggle?

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