To think working hard is not even worth it?

[petcacti]

My DS and his husband work every hour under the sun. DS is in the office 8am-10pm very regularly and dsil works fewer hours but still a heck of a lot.
They've both done very well for themselves academically, allowing them to reach their current jobs. DS works in Law, and together they have a gross salary of c£200k

Wow you might think, a huge amount of money. This is London, and so their small 2 bed flat has a mortgage of £800k on it, and so most of their salary goes on keeping a roof over their heads (as do most peoples).

They have no time whatsoever, and often work 6 or 7 days a week, long long hours. Yes they can afford nice things, but the cost of living in London is so high that it's negligible.

AIBU to think working this hard is not healthy, nor worth it.
If I think to dh and I, our situation is work 35 hours each a week, a decent house, no fancy things, but a nice life.

They probably enjoy their careers. If you aren't that kind of person it makes no sense, but for some people their self worth and satisfaction with life comes largely through work. They need to feel indispensable at the office. As they've chosen to burden themselves with a huge mortgage they obviously have no intention of slowing down.

Do they enjoy their jobs? If so, great, work the hours now and get to a level of seniority where you can work less and earn more.

If you love what you do it doesnt even feel like hard work.

Come on op. Let's not pretend they have a harder life than people who earn a far lower wage, putting in back breaking hours but who don't have the benefit of living walking distance to work, in what must be a luxury apartment in central London. They've chosen these careers because they know that if they work hard they'll be able to take their foot off the brake in w few years and have a fantastic quality of life. I'll probably always be slogging it out in a job that I've worked hard to get but will probably earn £30k tops in a few years. My commute is over an hour each way and I live in a frankly shitty council flat. As PPs have mentioned, their flat is expensive even at London prices, they could live much cheaper than that just a tube stop away

I'd rather have less money and less "stuff" and more time to spend with DH, the dog and my friends and family!

Well that's great, but I'm sure you can understand some people may not wish what you chose and be happy with their choices too?

Sounds like the have a fab flat, in a great location, high earning jobs, and maybe, just maybe are giving the op the excuse they need to work so that's why they can't come see her.

It's fine for our kids to chose to live their lives differently to us. Neither side should look down on the other.

Well that's great, but I'm sure you can understand some people may not wish what you chose and be happy with their choices too?

Where did I say I didn't?

Well that's fair, you didn't say you didn't, nor did you say you did, you didn't even address the op. Just told us your lifestyle choice.

As they say, that's nice dear.

Their place is probably the size of a 3 bed because the lawyer will need a home office.

Isn't SJW what people who don't believe racism exists because they've never been called a paki call people? Lazy.

Adaline where do you live sounds lovely!

Well it is getting them a property worth nigh on a million pounds. So of course it's worth it financially.

This reminds me of the woman who was disappointed her engagement ring had 4 diamonds instead of the 6 she was expecting and told her husband to be that he clearly didn't love her.

Your poor son. Working all the hours god sends along with his partner bringing in 200k. I really feel for them. The moaners like nurses who probably end their shift with a visit to a food bank don't know how good they've fucking got it! Some people have 800k mortgages to worry about, tell the nurses to pipe down!

I'm in my 50's work as a midwife 12.5hr night shifts and receive just over £30,000. I'd love their "problem"

OP people who haven't done it or been close to people who have just don't understand what your DS is going through. I trained at a big4 accounting firm after working at an investment bank in capital markets. Yes you get paid well BUT you make sacrifices and work extremely hard for the money paid. On MN it's always 'luck' and nothing to do with the grit and determination needed to get through extensive training and what are often horrendous working conditions in terms of stress.

I'm happy I've done it but just wait until your DS starts a family. That's when it gets real fun trying to squeeze in an 18 hour day into 12-14 hours....and failing every single day.

Wanttobesupermum
It is luck to be born somewhere or have the right to live somewhere stable. To have decent health, to have intelligence, to have made decisions or have known which subjects to study, university to attend.

It's a lot of luck alongside hard work and grit for most people.

For some people, it's who you know which is another kind of luck.

If they are happy in their work and have decent holidays I wouldn't worry about it. It's just how it is. My son works long and irregular hours and often has to travel great distances, he accepts it but when he has time off he enjoys that too. My husband and I used to work very hard too, husband still does but not so much. We enjoyed our jobs.

The important thing is to work at something you enjoy. It would be dreadful if you were just on a treadmill day in day out.

What Mrs Strowman said is spot on.

The trouble is if you dont work hard in life whether thats as a lawyer or a cleaner, you cant make a living. Be pleased that they are making an effort. Not sure what the alternative is op.
On mn there are threads about people giving up woek to be a sahm on one side then threads benefit bashing on another.
Hard work means that they are succesful...that dosnt necessarily mean they can afford stuff...just means they are in rewarding careers they love.

yes, sometimes the work is enjoyable. I like my work so the long hours seem to be long hours spent on a hobby so it's win / win.

That's not true. Plenty of people make a living without working that hard. I have. There are lots of ways to earn enough to live comfortably without working so many hours.

On MN it's always 'luck' and nothing to do with the grit and determination needed to get through extensive training and what are often horrendous working conditions in terms of stress.

No, what happens is that people point out that regardless of the level of hard work a person puts in, they still need luck in the first place to be in the position where their hard work can translate into wealth, success etc. Then you miss the point again and reiterate how hard you and your DH work. It appears you just have a mental block on the distinction between arguing that luck is required in addition to hard work, and arguing that it's only about luck.

They sound like they are peopke with options living a very successful modern life. If they wanted your life they'd have made different decisions.

@Bluntness

Well that's fair, you didn't say you didn't, nor did you say you did, you didn't even address the op. Just told us your lifestyle choice.

As they say, that's nice dear.confused

@adaline did address the OP, she's agreeing with her!

This thread is full of people giving their perspective, there's nothing wrong with what @adaline said.

I have the big mortgage in London and I'd love to leave it all and live by the sea.

I did speak earlier but......they are adults making adult decisions. If it suits them, why worry - if at some stage it no longer suits them, they will change the scenario.

Be glad they are working, earning well and have a decent home.

Their choice, their life. Worth reminding them that there are other choices if they are not happy but do it with no judgement.

I think it is a symptom of the younger generation - (especially in London) that they are having to work harder to get basic things. Things are unbearably difficult for the younger generation even to stay housed

To be fair, whatever the younger generation do, they get opinionated elders making comment - work hard to get what you want and you are doing it wrong, and don't work hard and you are a snowflake

Although reading and scanning my 1980s diaries reently *(2 weeks off to have the baby, back full time, second job at weekends effectively for both of us, negative equity, no savings, 15%+ interst rates at times on mortgage it was not exactly a walk in the park!

@farfallarocks we live in Cumbria, but on the coast so we don't pay Lake District prices :) I moved here a year ago and I love it - DH has been here all his life. It's beautiful and there's an amazing sense of community.

Things are unbearably difficult for the younger generation even to stay housed

I really think, again, that that depends on what life you choose. If you want to live in a city with all the amenities that go along with it, then you have to accept city prices. Again, the same applies if you choose a career that requires you to live in a big city. You have the benefit of a big salary but you also have to pay a large mortgage to keep your job.

I know plenty of people in my area who are young and have mortgages - none of us owe the bank 800k though! We live in a cheap area and as a result, housing is cheap. Of course there are downsides but I'm eternally grateful that we can afford everything we can on such low salaries and the primary reason for that is housing cost.