To think working hard is not even worth it?

[petcacti]

My DS and his husband work every hour under the sun. DS is in the office 8am-10pm very regularly and dsil works fewer hours but still a heck of a lot.
They've both done very well for themselves academically, allowing them to reach their current jobs. DS works in Law, and together they have a gross salary of c£200k

Wow you might think, a huge amount of money. This is London, and so their small 2 bed flat has a mortgage of £800k on it, and so most of their salary goes on keeping a roof over their heads (as do most peoples).

They have no time whatsoever, and often work 6 or 7 days a week, long long hours. Yes they can afford nice things, but the cost of living in London is so high that it's negligible.

AIBU to think working this hard is not healthy, nor worth it.
If I think to dh and I, our situation is work 35 hours each a week, a decent house, no fancy things, but a nice life.

£800k for a 2 bedroom is pretty unusual though, so they've clearly chosen somewhere expensive. Guessing they're in walking distance to work, around SW1/SW3? They could have chosen to live somewhere less expensive and still central, but this is what they've prioritised.

Long hours is completely doable in your 20's/30's - our life before DC basically. Ambition and high salaries helps grease the toil. Saying that, DH & I would balk at a £400K mortgage let alone a £800K mortgage on a similar income. Horses for courses!

Whatever your lifestyle choice - you will always get detractors. People who earn less will inevitably be snide and comfort themselves by saying that they would rather earn a lot less and have a 9-5 job rather than do a 12hr+ day and earn a six figure salary.

In RL, your working patterns will change along with your lifestyle - what suits you in your 20's won't be the same in your 40's or your 60's. I suspect plenty of people will live periods where they are working all hours for what seems like little gain - maybe, view it as short term sacrifice for long term gain.

Some people like to work like this for a number of years so they can then reap the rewards later in life (so instead of working 40 hours a week for 45-50 years of your life, you spend X amount of years of your life working 60-80 hours a week and then can afford to retire very early or cut down on work hugely without worrying about money).

Long hours don’t necessarily mean slaving away in the office, especially in London where flexible working is far more acceptable than other cities. I’m betting most of those long hours occur at home or while on holiday— but that’s normal for any senior role.

When my friend bought a very poky 1.5 bedroom flat in Tooting for over half a million, I realised it was time to move out of London!

They are adults who are making choices about how they want to live their lives

They could make other choices which would give them more free time or more money.

Plenty of people work extremely hard who couldn’t even dream of a £800k property.

Just as a gentle reminder - millions of people work very, very hard in low paid jobs.

In my very low paid job our team worked really hard, over and above what was required of us. The reward for that was that they raised the targets beyond what was already being achieved. They told us specifically that was why they had raised the targets. Then they didn't give us a pay rise for 16 years.

Working hard is a mugs game for lots of people.

Seriously? In this economic and political climate you think they're hard done by?!

Cop on to yourself.

Honestly it seems more like a humblebrag to me.

They've chosen to have the home & lifestyle they do and to work the hours they do. While they're young and healthy why not? They're already reaping the rewards, so why complain?

Working hard is a mugs game for lots of people.

Very true.

Are you upset because they have different priorities than you?

You have to accept that DS and DSIL ( I read this at Son in law so no sexism here) have made different choices to those you and your DH made. Does that bother you? I am sure he is not distancing himself from his roots - just making different choices from you.

We raise our children to be independent adults and carve their own way surely?

My adult children live in Zone 2 and pay a fortune in rent, will probably never be able to buy unless their careers take off. But they are so happy there. Their lives are full of museums visits/galleries/exhibitions/gigs. Fun fun fun.They both work very hard but it's their choice, which I respect.

There are plenty of very nice parts of London a bit further out where a 2 bedroom flat is half that, you can get a house in Zone 4 for under £600k

And you could buy mine — three large double bedrooms over four floors — for £150k. Well, you couldn't cos I need to live somewhere but there are plenty of similar options.

Unfortunately it's all about choice and compromise

Remember buying property is a gamble something soon might tank house values significantly yet they will still need to pay a 800k mortgage on a property that might not even be worth 800k anymore.

Do people not remeber last time the property bubble burst?

Worridmum I was thinking that - a bust always follows a boom and I think brexit will burst the bubble especially in the south east.

Op, they are making different choices to you. They may enjoy their jobs, love where they live, like their lifestyles. Just because it's not your choice doesn't mean it's wrong. They may look at you and think it's not for them, well they do, becayse they could scale it back and do the same and chose not to.

Don't judge others unless you also wish to be judged.

They’ve got a mortgage of 4x their income (not outrageous) and they work hard. They live in central London and can afford nice things.

Are they complaining, OP? Sounds like you disapprove because you wouldn’t do the same. I suspect they’re happy enough.

You can't (in the south) buy a house on the income from 2x35hr week salaries.

This isn't true. My DH has a friend who's a fund manager and earns slightly more than the OP's DS. His wife is in the same sector and earns about the same - so about £230K joint income. They live in a gorgeous four-bed house in a very "naice" part of London with two DC and work about 35 hours a week each, 40 tops. So it can be done if you know how!

Was discussing this with DD2 and DH over lunch. Joint conclusion is that DM is jealous of her DSs' success. Also he probably has the ultimate excuse note of "too busy with work" to avoid too many tedious trips home.

We are all almost 100% sure him and his DH will happily pitch in their £17 each for their Christmas dinner except it is quite likely they will be on a mini-break in the Canaries or better still enjoying how magical and peaceful Zone 1 is at Christmas.

Capitalism isn't working terribly well, is it.

I live in a 3 bed house with a garden for £1300 a month in SE. They're obviously in a v.nice part of London.

Where the hell do they live that they have an £800k mortgage on a 2 bed flat?

I have a beautiful 2 bed flat, victoria line zone 2, and my flat is worth just over half their mortgage! Bonkers and a product of decisions they have made, not circumstances thrust upon them

Some jobs are really interesting and if you are sensible with the money it sets you up for an interesting retirement too.

I dunno. You choose your hard. Some people work crazy hours for pretty low pay. I have an Oxbridge degree, and most of my peers from university are in high-powered, high-earning jobs, whereas I'm not. I don't envy them or their lifestyle and have no desire to live in London. If you choose a high-powered job and choose to live in the moxt expensive place in the country, then there are inevitable consequences!

Easy to judge but lots of us (myself included) are very trapped by London as we work in fields with very few opportunities outside London. If we don’t live here both of us would need to give up our careers or pick much less stimulating ones. Job isn’t everything but economically we both need to work to get a mortgage so might as well be stimulating. The only good thing re London (pre Brexit) was if you were lucky to get a property it would make more money per year than you would. So you always had the option of cashing out. That’s over for the time being. Good in a way as at least prices will cool off for younger people.

I think it is criminal how much the U.K. economy depends on London. Lack of investment in other is cities is appalling. Sucks out all of the talent and makes London unworkable for those that live here.

Nobody has to live in London and get a mortgage for almost a million pounds.

DH and I earn about 30k between us and our mortgage is £300 a month. We have a two-bed house with a garden and can afford pets, holidays, nights out and shopping trips without having to worry about money.

But we live in a small seaside town that doesn't have a cinema or loads of expensive bars or shops. We need to commute 45 minutes to get to those things but we're two minutes from the beach and five minutes from mountains and miles of woodland.

I chose this life because I like my free time and I don't want to work more than 40 hours a week for someone else. I'd rather have less money and less "stuff" and more time to spend with DH, the dog and my friends and family!