Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

10 year old son and father christmas

88 replies

Oopupsideyourhead · 27/11/2018 05:48

I’m fairly sure my 10 year old son knows that Father Christmas is me & his Dad but it’s never been mentioned. He will be 11 in Feb and has a 6 year old sister.
What do I do? I don’t really want to bring it up- he’s still keen to go & see Santa this year and I get the impression he wants to keep playing along and why not- who wants to grow up?!
Ainu to not say anything? How do you deal with it?

OP posts:

Liverbird77 · 27/11/2018 05:58

I wouldn't say anything. Even if he does still believe, he won't for much longer, so why kill the magic? I think it is lovely when kids are kids.

Gingerninj · 27/11/2018 06:04

I don't think there's much to say, it's lovely when they believe but they grow out of it eventually. DD stopped believing when she was around 9 but still goes along with it at 14 for her younger siblings

vickibee · 27/11/2018 06:06

My Ds is 11 and openly says Santa is not real, it is a shame as the magic and excitement are taken. He is asd and everything is black and white to him. I just say to not spoil it for his younger cousins

Original poster

Oopupsideyourhead · 27/11/2018 06:07

Tbh- it’s not a conversation I want to have ever. I’d rather just let him work it out & just play along. He said the other day that he wants to go and see a proper Father Christmas (and not the one at the garden centre that I was planning!!!)

OP posts:

Mokepon · 27/11/2018 06:08

My 11yo knows.
But she still pretends she doesn't with a big wink!
We told her now she's in on the secret that it's even better because she is now a Santa and makes the magic happen for other people.
I think it actually makes her more excited for Christmas, which does bring a wee tear to my eye on occasion.

flissfloss65 · 27/11/2018 06:11

I’m not sure when my ds figured it out but he played along to humour me!

Original poster

Oopupsideyourhead · 27/11/2018 06:15

I’m not completely sure what DS thinks either- he’s quite a young 10 and quite emotional & sensitive too- it’s the sort of thing that would upset him

OP posts:

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/11/2018 06:25

I wouldn't say anything. Maybe he 'knows' deep down but still wants to believe.
When she was coming up to 9 my dd told me straight out that she knew FC was me and daddy, so I might as well admit it.
So I did, while warning her to say nothing to dd2 or other children.

Many years later, when she was in her 20s, she told me she'd been dying for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a bit longer! And I do so wish I had.

mehimthem · 27/11/2018 06:25

Our family has almost 9 yrs between our eldest & youngest so the eldest had it sussed while the little chap still believed in Santa. I think from memory we said something about that as long as he believed then he was real, & not to spoil it, wink, wink. Santa visited our house for a long time, lol

SilkenTofu · 27/11/2018 06:30

When DS was in year 6 and age 11 he asked us outright in a cafe when he was alone with DH and I. A week later we were off to Lapland for Christmas itself and thought it would totally run his holiday. As soon as we left Santa's house he turned to us and said "I didn't really believe till I met him. Now I know he is definately real". We should have told him but at the time thought we would be absolutely horrible parents telling a child Santa doesn't exist a few days before you go to Lapland!

A few months later we had to tell him the truth as he was about to start secondary. When my other son asks me (now age 9) I will tell him the truth.

sophisticatedsarcasm · 27/11/2018 06:30

My boy is 11 in January, for the last 2 years had been asking shitloads of questions about Santa, using the art of distraction I’ve managed to get myself through it, I thought for sure he would stop believing my this Christmas but he’s merrily getting through it. I’d prefer he doesn’t know as he has asd and his sister is only 6 and want her to believe in the Magic for a bit longer and keeping a secret like that may be hard for him.

WipsGlitter · 27/11/2018 06:32

My DS is also 10 and is really questioning me on it this year. I'm going to keep it going until after Christmas and then talk about it with him.

user1493413286 · 27/11/2018 06:35

I don’t see the need for the conversation. DD10 has muttered about him not being real and we’ve said he doesn’t bring presents to children who don’t believe in him and does she want to take the chance by saying it.
If he says it to you or asks then you can decide what to say. my mum took the same approach as me and I like that I didn’t have a sudden shock that he wasn’t real; more a gradual realisation

PhilomenaButterfly · 27/11/2018 06:39

Go with it this year, tell him before he starts secondary school. DD confessed to me last year, when she was 10, that she'd known for about 2 years! DF and DSM didn't tell DSis, she embarrassed herself in front of all her friends when she was 13.

vickibee · 27/11/2018 06:43

Forgot to add that my Ds accused us of lying to him and that made us rotten parents, looking back he always got anxious on Xmas eve as if the whole thing scared him

AjasLipstick · 27/11/2018 06:45

My DD's ten and d plays along. We love it ....both of us! She won't say and neither will I.

He IS REAL!

findurfavouritesorhaveabrowse · 27/11/2018 06:45

I'm sure my dd knows it's not true but really wants to believe.
She asked why there's never unicorns on animal programmes. Just desperately wants them to be real.

Maybe your son doesn't want to know the truth yet. I'm sure next year when he's at secondary he will so enjoy this year.

junebirthdaygirl · 27/11/2018 06:45

Leave it until after Christmas and tell him then ,say in March. Maybe at Easter. Its not good to leave them believing as you do not want to set him up for an embarrassing moment with his friends.
My dc always knew it was make belief. We had a fantastic Christmas every year and there was no change when teen years came.
I have seen children get very angry with parents if they find out too late.

blackcat86 · 27/11/2018 06:52

IMO you need to have a conversation with him. At his age he will of course know that the notion of Santa is pretty unrealistic but that doesn't mean he can't enjoy the magic of Christmas as many adults do, and play along for his sister. He will probably enjoy being part of the adult Christmas (as in a Santa's real isn't he when his sister is there, wink) anyway given his age. This is just all part of him growing up.

Frustratedmum78 · 27/11/2018 06:59

I think if they are questioning it around 10 then you should tell them the truth. Swearing that there’s a Santa, then a few months later telling him/her there isn’t one seems a bit mean.
My DD 10 knows, she still can’t wait to do Santa stuff with her DB 7. She picked out his wrapping paper, Christmas is still wonderful for her but in a different way.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 27/11/2018 07:04

I wouldn't say anything this close to Christmas.

This is why I don't go for all the elf on the shelf, santa spy-cam type stuff. Santa is magical enough without making a huge thing of it and it's easier to just not mention whether or not he is really real if you haven't built up all the extra stuff around it.

youarenotkiddingme · 27/11/2018 07:04

I've never told my 14yo son that Santa doesn't exist.

He still puts his sack out and still talks about FC.

Whether he actually believes or not is beyond me. He often tells me how his school pals say he doesn't exist and repeats the "if you don't believe you won't receive" quote (not taught by me btw!)

It's complex with my ds as he has autism. But my personal opinion as his parent has been since about 10 to take his lead. O don't encourage and talk to him about it but I respond to his requests and meet what he wants to happen about it.

Blanchedupetitpois · 27/11/2018 07:07

We played along in my family until we all left home and it was lovely. There’s no need for the conversation - pretending is part of the fun.

slkk · 27/11/2018 07:11

Yes I don’t think I ever had that conversation wi5 my parents.....

Mumtoboy123 · 27/11/2018 07:14

Giving a flip side to this- please god TELL HIM! before he gets to secondary school. Ill never forget being in year 7 and an RE tracher said to the class "we all know santa isnt real" except one lad didnt, burst into tears. Still gets stick for it now and we left 6 years ago. Ruined his secondary school experience for quite some time and automatically excluded him from certain friendships etc. Please please please tell him

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread