AIBU to think school should contact me before referring DD7 for Lego therapy?

[rumpusboo]

This is my first post, please be gentle. DD7 is in year 3, she's in an oversubscribed 'outstanding' school. At the end of year 1, classes were shuffled and DD was the only girl in her class who was moved to another class. She was initially upset but has settled and made friends. Since the start of year 2, in every report, her teachers have stated that her communication is emerging but have provided no evidence as proof. DD has always been advanced in her speech and has a larger vocabulary verbally and in writing than DD10, she is confident and has a brilliant sense of humour. It is one thing saying that a child is quiet, it's another saying that she is unable to communicate when it's far from the truth. At the start of year 3, I met with the head of inclusion and she suggested ways in which she could be encouraged to come out of her shell. Her teacher hasn't followed this action plan. DD says she is never picked when she raises her hand to participate in class and seems to be giving up on trying as the teacher expects so little of her. Her maths and English is always assessed as expected whilst she is markedly advanced in English. DD attends tuition outside school and her tutor is gobsmacked whenever I mention that her teacher says her communication is emerging as she is an excellent communicator and is working above year 4 level. This has also been the case when I've mentioned this issue to my mum who is a retired headteacher. At her most recent parents evening, I asked her teacher if her communication was improving, the teacher looked blankly at me and said she has not really had a chance to speak to her. This was after a full term in her class. DD has many friends and still gets most of her party invites from girls who were in her year 1 class. She is quite popular and has a firm group of friends who she's is really close to. I've just checked her contact book and seen a letter informing me that she would be attending an intervention group called Lego Therapy every Monday and Tuesday morning before school. She told me that she was taken there this morning along with two of the most boisterous boys in her class. I have looked up Lego Therapy. Please see the link below. AIBU to think the teacher should know my daughter better than she does by now and the school should have discussed this with me prior to referring her for the group?
www.ucl.ac.uk/educational-psychology/resources/CS1Songara16-19.pdf

She should have an IEP which is agreed and signed by school and a parent

School must include parents in the decision making for children

You don't have to send her

DS was out in an unsuitable course that could've been disastrous for his future (seriouly)

When I looked into it they agreed about how unsuitable it was for him and others and withdrew from the scheme

Speak to the school. I have heard positive things about Lego therapy so try and be open minded.

I trained as a Lego therapist when working in school counselling.

I used it a lot with children who were able to communicate, but couldn’t always ask for what they actually needed.

Is the issue the school and you are disagreeing about the support she needs, or that she is getting extra help, or that they haven’t asked your permission?

The child you describe seems to be completely different from the child the school think they have.

Is your DD struggling in some areas of communication - like with adults? You mention she’s a great communicator but also that she needs help to come out of her shell?

The issue is that she doesn't have any additional needs and is able to express herself clearly but isn't given the chance to in a class of 29 other children who have mostly been together since reception class. I intend to ask for a meeting with the debuts head, could you advise me on what questions to ask please? Thanks

That's exactly it, they seem to have a completely different child at school but haven't provided any evidence showing how she is different. She has no problems communicating with kids or adults outside school or in the playground for that matter.

Deputy head even

I would be having a frank conversation.

1. what are your concerns about my daughter? And why do you have them? 2)why do you think an intervention such as Lego therapy is necessary? 3)how will this intervention benefit her?

Thank you Flossie

My own personal feeling is- if a school is offering something that could in anyway be helpful for my child, take it even if they don’t really need it. X

Xx

Do you mind me asking why she has a tutor outside school? Especially as you say that she isn't struggling at all academically.

I do think you should ask for a meeting with the phase leader and head of inclusion to discuss/review the action plan that was put in place in September particularly if you have concerns that her class teacher isn't following it. What exactly about her 'communication' has been identified as the area needing intervention? Is the lego therapy intended to address this?

It's fairly unlikely that the school would go to the trouble of arranging therapy like this just because they can't be bothered to encourage your DD to speak up in class. You need to ask for a meeting with the teacher and SENCO to talk a bit more about what has been going on and what their concerns are. I'm wondering about the possibility of selective mutism.

My dd did lego therapy in Year 3. She was just very young for the year and a bit shy. She had absolutely no communication issues whatsoever and is exceptionally smart (now in secondary and predicted all 8s and 9s which is A* and above level). She also has no autistic traits whatsoever. I've no idea why she was picked to do it as no-one ever told me. Thinking back, they really should have. Anyway, dd1 had a lovely time, as lego was one of her favourite activities at home.

But yes, the school should really have explained why your dd has been signed up for lego therapy. If they think there's an issue, they should be getting your input and clearly explaining their concerns. I'd ask to speak to the SENCO.

Wtf?! I’m completely baffled just reading your OP so you must be confused as hell.

I don’t get it? Have you not been in to see the teacher off the back of her reports to ask what she seems wrong with her communication? Have you explained about her not being chosen to answer questions? There must be more to it than that.

The school allowed a well known tuition provided to attend an assembly last year, DD loved their presentation and begged me to register her.

I have asked her teacher quite a few times why she's not given a chance to answer questions, she just says she'll pick her next time but it doesn't happen. It's really confusing. Off to look up selective mutism but I find it unlikely given that she seems to thrive in all other social situations. Thanks for all the useful advice.

So is the situation that you're concerned that the academic assessment of your dd is incorrect, or the social assessment, or both?

Either way, when you speak to the school focus on the action plan, what it was intended to address and how. If it hasn't been implemented at all, that's not really adequate.

The school allowed a well known tuition provided to attend an assembly last year, DD loved their presentation and begged me to register her.

Whatever is going on here? This seems a very odd assembly and presentation. Was the tutor touting for custom? If so, I am very surprised that the Head allowed this.

My DD1 was selectively mute. Selective mutism can be specific to certain environments. I am a primary school teacher. Lego therapy is a fairly low-level intervention and wouldn't require a diagnosis of SEN or IEP/One-plan. It's a nurturing tool more than anything else.

I do think it's worth you asking for a meeting with the class teacher and Inclusion manager if you have concerns about how differently your child seems to behave in and out of school. You can discuss the tutor's perception with them.

Clearly your dd isn’t showing in class what she is showing at home. How can you be so certain that the teacher isn’t giving her a chance? When a teacher asks a question there will be many children who put their hands up each time that aren’t chosen - unless it’s an open q when I’m sure they would ask as many as they could but may not have time to let everyone speak.
The school are telling you there’s are concerns there and instead of finding out exactly what they are you’re dismissing them entirely. It’s not all about putting hands up it will be about group work as well.
Why would the school pretend that your dd is struggling with communication or academics? The class teacher is accountable for your dds progress and if she’s was producing English work above year 4 level in class as your tutor insists she does out of school I’m sure the teacher would be delighted to record and take credit for it!

Definitely discuss further with the school as to why your daughter is being given Lego therapy. But it really is very low level intervention. It’s no reflection on academic ability, or speech/vocabulary and written/verbal communication. My son has this weekly (he has ASD), with several other children. Academically he’s exceeding in all three areas, but he finds social interaction and turntaking hard. There are other reasons why the other children attend (not SEN-related) - it’s a very nurturing activity.
He is also at an oversubscribed school and they do a LOT of interventions. I don’t think there is a single child in the class who doesn’t have an intervention or small group work of sorts.
Lego therapy is actually great fun for the children who take part. They get to play Lego with their class mates, albeit in a structured way.
Ask the school for more information about the Lego group and what they think it will help with (that she goes with two of the most boisterous boys in the class is neither here nor there). But it really is no indication of ability. And maybe what they are seeing in the class is not what you see at home or the tutoring (1-1 or small group work is very different to being in a class of 30).

Just thinking outside the box but could you have a meeting with the teacher, the person responsible for the therapy etc and bring along the tutor - if they are not a teacher snd are free in school hours? I think I'd be asking what the specific issues are with her behaviour in class and what else they are doing to address this in class. I understand in a class of 30 the teacher can't spend much 1 to 1 time with her but I would have expected some effort to get to know her in a term given they knew a lot of the other children already. Are they giving her a chance to speak up in class and how are they encouraging this. Do they have concerns about her work / level and why. Also why was she the only girl moved? Surely moving just one girl (unless friendship groups are mixed) is going to make it hard for the child unless there was bullying or something. Or was it to balance the numbers as they had other people they HAD to move. Maybe it would help to move her back if there was no good reason to move just her?

I’d be asking for your dd to be moved back to the other class. You’d likely have to go above the class teacher as I imagine they can’t make that decision. I think it’s a really good idea to get the tutor involved. They may also be able to help your dd through this problem.

As for the Lego therapy. Part of me is thinking at least she will get the opportunity to interact and you may get some feedback from that person, which is far useful than what you are getting from the teacher.

Your dd is doing very well academically. Emotional intelligence is a big factor in success in life. Perhaps you could divert these funds to pay for a child psychologist if needs be.