AIBU to think school should contact me before referring DD7 for Lego therapy?

[rumpusboo]

This is my first post, please be gentle. DD7 is in year 3, she's in an oversubscribed 'outstanding' school. At the end of year 1, classes were shuffled and DD was the only girl in her class who was moved to another class. She was initially upset but has settled and made friends. Since the start of year 2, in every report, her teachers have stated that her communication is emerging but have provided no evidence as proof. DD has always been advanced in her speech and has a larger vocabulary verbally and in writing than DD10, she is confident and has a brilliant sense of humour. It is one thing saying that a child is quiet, it's another saying that she is unable to communicate when it's far from the truth. At the start of year 3, I met with the head of inclusion and she suggested ways in which she could be encouraged to come out of her shell. Her teacher hasn't followed this action plan. DD says she is never picked when she raises her hand to participate in class and seems to be giving up on trying as the teacher expects so little of her. Her maths and English is always assessed as expected whilst she is markedly advanced in English. DD attends tuition outside school and her tutor is gobsmacked whenever I mention that her teacher says her communication is emerging as she is an excellent communicator and is working above year 4 level. This has also been the case when I've mentioned this issue to my mum who is a retired headteacher. At her most recent parents evening, I asked her teacher if her communication was improving, the teacher looked blankly at me and said she has not really had a chance to speak to her. This was after a full term in her class. DD has many friends and still gets most of her party invites from girls who were in her year 1 class. She is quite popular and has a firm group of friends who she's is really close to. I've just checked her contact book and seen a letter informing me that she would be attending an intervention group called Lego Therapy every Monday and Tuesday morning before school. She told me that she was taken there this morning along with two of the most boisterous boys in her class. I have looked up Lego Therapy. Please see the link below. AIBU to think the teacher should know my daughter better than she does by now and the school should have discussed this with me prior to referring her for the group?
www.ucl.ac.uk/educational-psychology/resources/CS1Songara16-19.pdf

Also bear in mind, that unless you give her negative vibes about, she will perceive the lego therapy as playing with toys and fun. The whole point is that it is a relaxed, environment so that the child is more readily able to take on board the social skills being taught.

Just because the child is very verbal and has amazing vocab, doesn't mean the child is good at communicating. My child spoke non stop at home, but selective mute to other children at nursery for 2 years, while he had no problem outside of nursery.

Regardless of how she performs with her tutor or in situations outside class, she is obviously struggling considerably in the classroom environment and presenting very differently there.

I think that’s what you need to focus on with the school; the fact that she is struggling and the fact that it’s different to how she presents at home.

Is it a short term thing (only since she changed class) or long term (when she was in the previous class)? Was this why they moved her?

Try to work with the school to establish why she is presenting so differently there. It could be that the Lego therapy helps with this.

DD has always been advanced in her speech and has a larger vocabulary verbally and in writing than DD10, she is confident and has a brilliant sense of humour. It is one thing saying that a child is quiet, it's another saying that she is unable to communicate when it's far from the truth.
Being advanced in speech and a large written and verbal vocabulary are separate from commutation skills though.
They are not saying she can’t communicate but that her communication skills in class aren’t where they are expected to be for her age.
When you say ‘it’s far from the truth’ do you mean the teacher is lying or completely mistaken? Unless you have huge concerns with the teacher/school, it’s likely that the teacher is just noting what they see. If the teacher was wrong, surely other staff members would intervene when the teacher discussed Lego therapy. Things like this are usually discussed in depth by several members of staff.

her tutor is gobsmacked whenever I mention that her teacher says her communication is emerging as she is an excellent communicator and is working above year 4 level. The tutor will be able to comment on her written/verbal communication within that tutoring session but won’t be able to observe her social communication skills within a classroom environment.

Thanks for all the very useful advice. I am not against intervention but would like to be informed prior to DD being sent for a session. DD has no IEP or set action plan. I will request a meeting so I can get a clearer picture of what's going on.

As previously stated, the tuition provider attended a school assembly to tell the children about a writing competition and DD was eager to join because they told the children about their reward scheme. I agreed because she has complained about being bored in class when they're being taught in groups because she's being taught things she knows and she finishes quick and has nothing to do.She doesn't attend 1:1 tuition, she is in a group of 8. I haven't stated that my child is a 'genius' but I have evidence that her communication and school work is assessed as below her ability and the less is expected of her, the less she'll try.

She has made friends in her new class but has made friends with older, more outspoken girls and tends to follow them and join in rather than lead. When I met with the deputy head at the head of year 2, one of the things she suggested was that she would be encouraged to make friends with other children and be encouraged to participate in activities where she would need to speak up. DD claims to put her hand up during lessons, to speak in special assemblies and even narrate in the Christmas play and has said she is never picked. It's a huge school with a four form entry and a long waiting list so she won't be able to move to a new class.

This started when she moved classes in year 2. I ran into her reception teacher recently and mentioned this issue and she couldn't believe they were talking about DD as she was one of the more outspoken children when in her class.

*end of year 2

Reception is very different to years 1 and 2. Many children find the jump from reception to year 1 hard, same with year 1 to 2. It’s really not uncommon for children to appear to ‘change’ in the classroom. They’re quite significant jumps. Maybe that’s why they are offering Lego therapy? Because they’ve seen how your daughter was in reception, and seen her change in the classroom since.

Why don't you video her at home then show the film to her teacher (and, possibly, HT)? Maybe also take in examples of the work she is doing with her tutor.

I think it's telling that the issue started when she moved classes.

It's quite possible even for an adult to come across as withdrawn or lacking in social skills if they end up in a group of dominant individuals rather than with people who let them get a word in!

Whilst I would go in with an open mind, I would be wanting an answer to why these issues only arose when DD was taken away from established friendship groups, and surely that intervention seems a fairly heavy handed way of solving a problem which never used to exist? I would want to understand the school’s thinking behind the choices it made when rearranging the year groups.

Also I would consider it a fairly significant lack of judgement for a head to allow a tutor service into school in the manner you’ve described. Having a bunch of children eager for engaging with tutoring, no matter whether it’s full on tutoring or “just” other activities makes the school’s life easier.... Just an observation which might colour the other behaviour the school is doing, and not unheard of in “Outstanding” schools.

I would also want to know what procedures have been introduced in the classroom to help your DD and why these have been deemed not to be effective. Also, was the professional opinion of the Reception and Y1 teacher listened to? It may be that because your DD was so confident lower down the school, they thought she would be fine moving around.

Issues only arising in later years in school is pretty normal. As everyone else develops the gaps can become more noticaable

My eldest son did Lego therapy and it was really good for him. We got a letter home in his book bag about it. A lot of children behave differently at home to how they behave at school. Maybe your dd struggles more at school.

This all seems like a lot of pressure for a 7 year old.

I have done a video and got some of her self- initiated work together. Hopefully, with Lego therapy, she'll be able to communicate better at school. She seems really happy at school and is eager to go in everyday. Thank you

Could you specify what pressure you mean exactly?

I wouldn't be too worried about the Lego therapy although I think its is slightly odd they didn't even discuss it with you.

I would be worried that they don't seem to have made the link between her supposed lack of communication within class and her being moved into another class with no friends. Regardless of the other issues this is shockingly bad management on the schools behalf. There would have to be a very serious reason for them to think separating her from her friends and isolating her would be in her best interests!

As it sounds like this is not the case I would be meeting with: the class teacher, the Senco and the head if possible. Together can they highlight what help they feel your daughter needs, what issues she is facing in class, what strategies they have implemented and whether they understand that the move is likely the cause of all these reported issues.

Self initiated work is very different though. Ds can produce fantastic work when it is of his own free will to do as and when he pleases. That is different from school work where you have to follow a prescribed lesson more. I could put his self initiated work and his school work side by side and you would never believe it was the same child!

totally agree with NotAnotherJaffaCake

OP, of this 'tuition provider' is Explore Learning, I would take whatever the 'tutor' says with a sackful of salt. Having enrolled DD there, and having got my hands burned, I now won't touch Explore Learning and similar institutions with a barge pole!

Prior to being moved into the new class, there were no communication or friendship issues. A newsletter was sent stating that classes would be shuffled but for some reason, she was the only one moved. When I queried it, they stated that they needed to move a child from her new class due to some issues and thought DD would adapt easily. The deputy head is the SENCO, I have taken note of the questions you've advised me to ask and have requested a meeting. Thank you

When I queried it, they stated that they needed to move a child from her new class due to some issues and thought DD would adapt easily.

That is probably the most stupid thing I have read all day. I know many adults who would react in the same way they claim your daughter is reacting if they were moved because accommodating someone else's needs was more important. What happened to meeting her needs? She basically had to leave her friends behind and join already established friendship groups because they felt she wouldn't cause a fuss?

She seems really happy at school and is eager to go in everyday This is absolutely the most important thing.
Work with the school, not against them - you’ll achieve nothing if you go in to say ‘this isn’t what my child is like’. There’s a reason they’ve offered Lego therapy (honestly, it’s very low key, lots of fun). If she really doesn’t need it, no harm done, but it could make a world of difference to her in the classroom.

I think it's sad that a child's level of skill in a particular activity can sometimes be underestimated simply because the social dynamics in the school environment are not optimal for them.

When my DS went to a different primary school, he found that the other children would not pass the ball to him in games and ended up looking less involved and competent than would otherwise be the case.

Likewise, in the classroom itself, a child that is not well-integrated, a child that may not feel fully included or accepted by the teacher and/or classmates, can look as if their communication skills are less developed than is actually the case.

I think you are possibly worrying too much?

She’s happy at school, she’s doing well academically, she has lots of friends so I don’t really see the issues?

My daughter is very similar to your dd except she struggles to make friends, she has Aspergers and her speech and language skills were assessed as being that of a 15-16 year old when she was 4 but she still finds it hard to communicate when in class due to the number of students and not feeling confident enough to put her hand up, despite this she is hitting targets (she’s now year ten at high school and is expected to get level 8’s in gcse), she has a small group of friends and looks forward to going to school each day, her happiness is my priority.

Your dd sounds keen to learn, seems happy and popular so I am unsure why you are so worried about what one teacher has said.