AIBU to think school should contact me before referring DD7 for Lego therapy?

[rumpusboo]

This is my first post, please be gentle. DD7 is in year 3, she's in an oversubscribed 'outstanding' school. At the end of year 1, classes were shuffled and DD was the only girl in her class who was moved to another class. She was initially upset but has settled and made friends. Since the start of year 2, in every report, her teachers have stated that her communication is emerging but have provided no evidence as proof. DD has always been advanced in her speech and has a larger vocabulary verbally and in writing than DD10, she is confident and has a brilliant sense of humour. It is one thing saying that a child is quiet, it's another saying that she is unable to communicate when it's far from the truth. At the start of year 3, I met with the head of inclusion and she suggested ways in which she could be encouraged to come out of her shell. Her teacher hasn't followed this action plan. DD says she is never picked when she raises her hand to participate in class and seems to be giving up on trying as the teacher expects so little of her. Her maths and English is always assessed as expected whilst she is markedly advanced in English. DD attends tuition outside school and her tutor is gobsmacked whenever I mention that her teacher says her communication is emerging as she is an excellent communicator and is working above year 4 level. This has also been the case when I've mentioned this issue to my mum who is a retired headteacher. At her most recent parents evening, I asked her teacher if her communication was improving, the teacher looked blankly at me and said she has not really had a chance to speak to her. This was after a full term in her class. DD has many friends and still gets most of her party invites from girls who were in her year 1 class. She is quite popular and has a firm group of friends who she's is really close to. I've just checked her contact book and seen a letter informing me that she would be attending an intervention group called Lego Therapy every Monday and Tuesday morning before school. She told me that she was taken there this morning along with two of the most boisterous boys in her class. I have looked up Lego Therapy. Please see the link below. AIBU to think the teacher should know my daughter better than she does by now and the school should have discussed this with me prior to referring her for the group?
www.ucl.ac.uk/educational-psychology/resources/CS1Songara16-19.pdf

The thing is it doesn't matter whether your dd has advanced speech, an extensive vocabulary and perfect syntax and grammar if she doesn't have the skills needed to use all these things to get her needs met and Lego therapy is just a tool to give your child those skills.
You seem to see it as some sort of criticism of your dd rather than the school putting in measures to meet a need.
Communication isn't just about sticking up your hand and answering questions it's about social interaction, recognising unwritten rules and interpreting body language and understanding the needs of others as well as your own.
The school should have discussed the referral first and given you details on what needs your daughter had that they believed the therapy would address but other than that I'd try and be happy that they have seen a need which isn't always spotted in compliant and achieving girls and have sourced a therapy that they believe will help.

That’s a huge class. Even in the context of a large class it’s very concerning that you dd has bee flagged as having issues yet the teacher hasn’t bothered at all with her. I would start considering other schools.

Op I have a 7yr old dd in year 3 too. She is academically very bright and verbally way ahead of her years but in reception and year one we were baffled when we attended both parents evenings to be told how quiet she was! One thing dd is not is quiet.

I knew she was the only girl in her class with her name or I would have asked if they were talking about the same child. Dd was coming home to us, flying through her reading and was not being moved off red level ( this was in reception ) and she started year 1 still on red which I couldn't understand.

Parents evening year one was around November and the teacher ( different one from reception ) said how quiet she was and we told her that she isn't like that at home and is reading x/y/z and she was gobsmacked.

We had a word with dd and told her what the teacher had said. Dd admitted to being extremely quiet in school and reluctant to read etc. I said to her to be like "The Rosie we know and love" not her real name!
Dd started to come out of her shell at school, was moved up a level by December and finished year one on the highest level in her class, and just flew.

I felt like we were making it up at one point as it was like we were talking about two different children and year 2 teacher who she has again for year 3 cannot believe it when I tell her the way she was in R and Y1.

Sometimes they take time to flourish.

I wonder if the teacher herself might benefit from lego therapy given this snippet from the OP:

At her most recent parents evening, I asked her teacher if her communication was improving, the teacher looked blankly at me and said she has not really had a chance to speak to her. This was after a full term in her class.

I know it's a large class but this does seem surprising. Also surprising, given the circumstances in which the problem first arose, is the school's reluctance to view the issue as a 'group level' problem, that is, a situation that has arisen out of sub-optimal social group dynamics rather than being solely down to this DD's lack of skill.

The thing is, it happens all the time, that the child will be moved to the separate class from their friend in big school.

My ds has been separated from his best friends for last 3 years. He had problem in ks1 socially, but not in ks2. He has matured. Got on with it. And he is a one with social difficulty. I am so glad I took all the opportunity when he was young, provided by nursery/school to help him cope since nursery, even though I thought some of them aren't needed.

LEGO®-based therapy aims to develop social competence through the development of social skills. Collaborative play provides opportunities for children to practise skills such as turn-taking, listening, sharing ideas, communication, compromise, problem solving and shared attention. Groups are run by a trained facilitator and children are encouraged to build together within set roles. Each child plays the role of an ‘engineer’, a ‘supplier’ or a ‘builder’ and together they follow pictorial instructions to build a model.

I found the above with a quick google. DS2 did Lego therapy. It is not about being shy, not having friends or communication per se. He is autistic and needed to practise social skills. He is academically gifted and wants to do his own thing. He thinks his way is best (unfortunately it usually is - he is now 12 and at internet school studying for GCSE and just today his physics teacher (PhD) agreed DS2's method for calculating pressure was better than the one just taught to the class). DS2's natural tendency is to be group leader or disengage. Collaborative working does not come easily to him and he had structured support to learn this skill.

I would ask the school what the aim is. They may have a reason but they may just be taking advantage of a funded intervention to address the upset they caused by moving her.

If it was my daughter I would ask her if she would like to go back to her original class. If she said yes I would make sure that it happened!

I always think it's odd that so many people on here have issues with people using extra tuition, and make out it's odd and unnecessary but when you go to these settings, they are full with waiting lists. People have questioned the op why her daughter has extra tuition if she is so far ahead, perhaps she enjoys it, or perhaps the op wants her to continue being at such a good level.

Off to look up selective mutism but I find it unlikely given that she seems to thrive in all other social situations.

Yes, that is why it is called selective mutism. It happens when, for psychological reasons a dc doesn't speak in one situation when they have all the skills needed, and speak in other situations.

I mean, I'm not saying that she has it, I'm just pointing out that is what it is.

I am at people saying it is a big class. 30 is a normal sized class unless you are in some tiny rural school.

I do think you are being unnecessarily angry about your dd being given the opportunity to practice her social speaking in what she will perceive as a fun opportunity to get to play with lego (unless you give her a different impression). You are concerned that she isn't presenting at school as she does at home - which is incredibly common btw - and then angry that the school are addressing that in a fun (for her) way.